The judges have conferred. We've viewed and reviewed your limericks....and I'm not pointing any fingers, but...some of you seem to have a little trouble with cadence, rhythm, and counting...John, I truly appreciate your willingness to help your fellow competitors crack the (obviously trickier than I thought) code of the limerick, and the judges (particularly Judge Wendy) could feel your pain as you grew somewhat frustrated when they did not follow your advice...so noted. Seriously, Judge Wendy was unforgiving regarding the form and structural requirements of the limerick--really unforgiving...so, I'm already apologizing in advance for her harshness...(you should have seen her original list of winners and her comments...woooh!!)
Little aside--right now, while waiting for Jack McKeon to grill up some dinner (got to blog...no time to cook) I am watching that America's Got Talent Show...guess what? America does not have talent--some guy just tried to blow up three hot water bottles??? Really??? this is talent?? Thank God the Pretty Little Liars Season Premiere is on tonight...now there's some good tv viewing...and the melodramatic soundtrack makes it just that much better...
Back to the blog....let's just get tonight's scoring over with...and make it quick and painless, like pulling off a bandaid...Quantity and quality points will be combined to ease the blows and help mitigate the brute force of Judge Wendy's rigidity....Here we go:
Number 5: Judy and her "pick a better parent" limerick...very clever, and that cleverness allowed Judge Wendy to overlook a few syllable glitches....not that she didn't bring it up...repeatedly...20 points for you, tonight (10 of each..) a darn fine showing..
Number 4: Stacy and her "creme brulee" limerick...this one drove Judge Wendy crazy because "it was sooo close, and then kind of lost it on the last line"...she's a stickler, that judge Wendy..21 points for Stacy...still right in the hunt...
Number 3: John's "Guido sausage" limerick. Very well played...funny, great rhythm, great closer...all good. I'm telling you, John is a limerick savant...seriously....30 points for quality, 14 for quantity...more to come
Number 2: Kim's "Garden of Eden" limerick--nicely done, Kim. Actually Kim had a few very fine limericks--(was a big fan of the crepe suzette one as well.) 50 very big points for you!!
Number 1: John again...the "college/Jamarcus" one--Home Run!! Of course the boys LOVED this one, and it really was excellent...John, you have some legit limerick skills...Kind of freaking, scary, actually....50 points for you for first, 30 from third and 14 quantity points....holy crap, that's 94 big ass points...
The gauntlet has been thrown down, ladies....nicely played, John. The contest is not even half over, so it's still anyone's ball game... now, on to the latest challenge--Challenge Number Five (if I'm not mistaken): please write a sentence comprised of only four letter words AND about sports....
example: "Cubs aces hurl hard orbs into some dirt, over guys' feet, plus near your seat, thus they lose alot." (this was kind of hard for me...bring back the limerick...) If tonight's contest has taught you anything, following the rules matters...ALOT. Further, when it comes to the sentence type challenges, it's all about the clever...don't just go for length...(because the judges just stop reading...) Good luck and c'mon, ladies...let's bring this one home...
No top ten...start counting those four letter words...
Thank you judges for your unbiased and just opinions on this latest challenge. I would however like to know where I should send my emergency room bill. I had to get several knots removed from my tongue that were caused by trying to read in cadence and abruptly hitting a tree head on instead of smoothly navigating the fork in the syllables. Maybe I would have been able to had I been drunk.
ReplyDeleteok I totally have to confess, the guilt is killing me!!!! The eden and crepe suzette I totally copied off the internet. I did have several I made up myself if that counts for anything?!
ReplyDeleteCan I keep the 50pts though, in the infamous words of our fearless leader "who am I kidding" I'm not going to win anyway! John and Judy kick ass!!!
Sorry Judges, I promise to follow the rules from this moment forward!!!!
Obviously, nonsensical run on sentences are more my speed......
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ReplyDeleteI didn't get any points? I know I had no rhythm but I had content - I'm so sad judges. Not even one measly point?
ReplyDeletePolo pony fart fans fire from farm meth barn, cops bust gogo girl.
ReplyDeletePack suck!
ReplyDelete@#$% *&$% ##$@ **&& $%&* @#%% %%&* cubs.
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ReplyDeleteCubs lose more runs with help from Soto atop home base.
ReplyDeletePolo fans love wine with brie when game ball gets near ones goal.
ReplyDeleteSwim meet shut down when pool lost warm aqua.
ReplyDeleteGolf cart sans beer girl runs over nine iron; made poor Rory lose this hole.
ReplyDeleteLone celt sled team awed fans when they ably dart bend with care.
ReplyDeleteJoin ball team fans when they grab flan amid half time.
ReplyDeleteKilt clad celt ball team iced huge knot when fans lept onto mate.
ReplyDelete*LAST CHANCE DITCH EFFORT*
ReplyDeleteThere once was a girl who liked wine
She had to drink it all the time
A day with no booze
Would not let her snooze
Oh God please don’t let it be mine
Huge hats held puck back when team sunk puck hard into fans.
ReplyDeleteTricia you can have my points since I cheated. The necklace will look better on you anyway.
ReplyDeleteBrenna you are so kind but I know it's going to look better on you.
ReplyDeleteI felt like the only kid in class who didn't get an invitation to the big birthday party ;(
Trying to redeem myself with last limerick (I know it was past the deadline but wanted the judges to see I'm not a total dimwit). Poetry was not my forte in school.
Golf pros want less club shot back nine hole.
ReplyDeleteCubs Pena game stat rank high.
ReplyDeleteHell yeah, game time!
ReplyDeleteHave Cubs fans gone away?
ReplyDeleteLet's play some more Cubs ball!
ReplyDeleteHulu Bowl game fans went back home, team loss plus game suck!
ReplyDeleteGood luck this game Bear, hope Pack have loss, noon game,need more beer , wine, brats plus shot Jack Coke.
ReplyDeleteJess made Romo weak, also made loss ball game plus loss love, plus Jess gold digs Romo bank roll!
ReplyDeleteWNBA plus NCAA sets ESPN game most high dunk rate stats.
ReplyDeleteHuge news for golf Fred Funk, made golf open, also name Fred Funk Punk, will play more tour game soon.
ReplyDeleteCubs team play home game soon quit, need more time, rain hard till noon, hold game back four hour.
ReplyDeleteTricia, do not despair...your content was top drawer, but Judge Wendy will not let me bend the rules...eveer...I'm telling you, do NOT play scattagories with her, because she will become incensed when any one (usually Chris) tries to sneak in a questionable answer...Don't worry, there are plenty more points to be had. Kim/Brenna--I admire the confession...and do not hold it against you. Again, plenty more points to be had by all..keep it up
ReplyDeleteDont mess with uber lean mean Hulk, will ruin Rock, Tazz, Shad, Haku, Test, plus Kung, main ring, noon time, many seat open.
ReplyDelete(Real wrestler names)
Cubs home team logo show baby blue cute cubs.
ReplyDeletePast Cubs star, Sosa, gone home, past home team stat King goes down hard, drug plus cork shit head.
ReplyDeleteThis Pack game with Bear isn't cool, Bear gets butt hole kick down plus hard!
ReplyDeleteBear play cost Pack huge game loss, they kick holy crap from Pack plus butt hole went down hard, will Pack kick butt hole back soon?
ReplyDeleteOK, I feel better now, thanks ;)
ReplyDeleteI would love to see an event where Judge Wendy is John's opponent. Can we set something up?
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ReplyDeleteTeam Capt Cris plus bros Jack, Nate rest of Team Bald boys ball team, buzz head plus help roll some bank, help fund Jeff Sick Fund, done with love from Capt Cris ball team.
ReplyDeleteFlag ball game, play must take flag from belt, wiill stop ball near down line, sets next play near zone.
ReplyDeleteExtra shot from back nine will take more golf time.
ReplyDeleteBoth main goal post sets near east zone also west zone.
ReplyDeleteHang over dude Brad Coop, beat golf dude, Fred Funk Punk over last nine hole this week.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHunk, cute Ohno wins gold five time plus many many more!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you again Heinzmann. My third grade English teacher Sister Mary Headthumper would be throwing erasers at all these pupils. I feel like I'm riding on a cobble stone road with no shock absorbers.
ReplyDeleteFast ball hits man’s fore skin amid bunt play, acts hurt then game over; more then that, Cubs fans morn then puke over loss.
ReplyDeleteStacy sent this one to me to post for her as she is visiting colleges with her daughters. Here it is---"When will Cubs fans grip this fact that Cubs can't play well this year, even when they make huge sums each game? "
ReplyDelete