GRAB A BEVERAGE, IT'S A LONG ONE....



Way to go, Tricia, upping the ante with your celebrity photo...  Khloe Khardashian...pfft, just a flash in the pan compared to a true American icon like the irascible Ruth Buzzi. And while many of you know Ms. Buzzi as the weekly laugh riot on Laugh-In, who can ever forgot her stellar performance in the cinema classic "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again"? For those of you who do not have the bionic vision necessary to see this photo on the comment portion of the blog, here is Tricia's celebrity photo op moment:

Tricia, how cute were you when you were little? If you don't mind, could you please fill us all in on your special moment with Ms. Buzzi.? I am assuming this was taken during her hey day and pinnacle of fame.  As an obvious Ruth Buzzi aficionado, I am sure that Tricia knows that Yes, indeed, our Ms. Buzzi and her comedy genius live on. I like to think that she and her good friend Charles Nelson Reilly (God rest his soul) would get a small chuckle if they had the good fortune to stumble upon this blog. Thanks, Tricia, for sharing this true brush with greatness. Please, in the spirit of Tricia and the venerable Ruth Buzzi, let's keep those celeb photos coming.

Katey Caspar came through with a VERY timely photo, (see above) a picture of her parents and the Super Bowl Bound Donald Driver. Although this photo does not actually contain KATEY, (Katey, Katey, Katey, always bucking the directions, just like in Boot Camp) it is still very cool. For those of you who do not know, Katey's mom and dad do some commercial work in their spare time and Katey's mom shot a commercial with Donald Driver this fall. She was paid to slap him on the fanny...nice work if you can get it. I am surprised that Brian Pond does not have the male version of this job.... As you can see, both of Katey's parents are very photogenic.  (and as you can also see, I have TOTALLY mastered the "insert photo" part of the blog---Laurie McKeon 2.0). Please help me keep my technology skills current by sending in your celebrity photos (or your mom's celebrity photos) today. 

Okay, I've got to tell you, I have some news and I am super psyched about it. I got accepted to Grad School yesterday. Seriously, I got into Grad School yesterday.  How cool is that? I will be entering the Executive Masters of Non Profit Administration Program at the University of Notre Dame this summer. I mean it when I say, this is something I've always wanted to do and like the uber nerd that I really am, I can't wait to start. It's an Executive Program so most of it is done on line, but I do have to spend the next two summers on the Notre Dame campus (tough duty). I am not quite sure what I am going to do with my kids this summer while I am in South Bend for a month, but I'm pretty sure we will figure it out.  Annie may be spending the summer in Boston doing an internship, and I am VERY leery of leaving Chris "college freshman shidiot of the year" McKeon in charge of the brotherhood and their daily antics, let alone in charge of his little sister.  Good Lord, you just know that somehow under his watchful eye, all the downstairs furniture would be sold on ebay and the family room would be converted into a ping pong/basketball court/frat house/pool hall. And to be honest, I fear that their father would not ever notice.

Speaking of their father, Dave McKeon has some reservations about this whole back to school plan.  I know this will come as a surprise to all, but Dave is somewhat skeptical of my academic endeavor. Basically, he is trying to figure out just how much this is going to cost him, and if there is any truth to my claims that this degree will eventually lead to some legitimate, gainful, PAID employment. (He has a tendency to make many references to my law degree and its ability to generate actual cash in the marketplace and my unwillingness to make that happen) He is also blanching just a tad at the thought of paying FOUR Notre Dame tuitions next year....However, when I pointed out to him that he is now officially sleeping with a co-ed, the news seemed to be a little more palatable. As in everything, it all depends on your perspective...

Now that I am officially admitted to Grad School, I can share with you my experience in taking the GRE. (I was afraid to post my GRE story at the time because I'm pretty sure if the admissions  people at ND read it, they would shred my application upon receipt) Have any of you taken the GRE lately? or any standardized test for that matter? Seriously, I have a whole new respect for my kids and their standardized test taking abilities. (but don't tell them that) Let's get a perspective here, a historical perspective: The last standardized test I took was the Bar Exam in 1987, prior to that, I took the LSAT in 1984...that was literally DECADES ago--pre i pod, i pad, i tunes, or i anything. Hell, most of today's NBA players weren't even born.

So, when I decided to apply for Grad School (let's just see how many times I can use "grad school" in this post...) I had to sign up to take the GRE. Well guess what? Unless you live in Guam or Puerto Rico, you cannot take a paper version of the GRE. You must take it on line...And you  must take it at a "certified testing center" OK, whatever that is. So, I signed up back in the Fall to take the GRE at some test center in Deerfield for some date in December.  I pretty much forget about it until the weekend before the exam when I finally cracked the GRE prepbook that I bought a back in October. I began with the verbal section because, frankly, it's the easiest. I read all the time and am not afraid of big words. I moved nicely through the analogies, the reading comprehension, the grammar and best word choices and am feeling pretty good. I also read about the writing portion of the exam. No big deal. I can write an on line essay with one hand tied behind my back...do it all the time.

Then, with less than 24 hours before exam time, I glance at the Math. Interesting. Remember, I have not taken an actual math class since Calc 1 at Notre Dame in the Spring of 1981. Yes, that would be THIRTY  YEARS AGO.  And because I am the mom who refuses to help her kids with their homework, I do not even get the benefit of a little refresher course on the backs of my kids. I took a look at some of the math problems and I am not going to lie...they looked kind of hard. Frankly, I do not remember the formula for figuring out the area of a circle, square, rectangle or any combination of the above. I tried to cram those geometric formulas into my middle aged brain, but with all the other crap in there, like the names of all the brothers in the Jackson Five, the calorie count of four rice krispie treats, the words to the theme song for the Jeffersons, there really was no room for the difference between mean, median and average, let alone the function of negative exponents. Basically, I was hoping to get super lucky with a whole bunch of graphing questions. 

Test day dawns and I have to check into the Official Test Center by 8:00 am. Fearing rush hour traffic, I leave the house at 6:30. (Little aside: Testing day for me is sweat pants day at the boys' school, (aside to an aside--I hate fun dress days, If I wanted my kids to wear jeans, sweats, jerseys, costumes to school, I would have sent them to public school)  Because I am not home to supervise the morning, Jack apparently walked out of the house in a one piece fire engine red union suit--yeah, just get the visual on that. Shocker, but while his father did not notice this sartorial display, school certainly did and made him change his clothes. Apparently a one piece red union suit does not constitute sweat pants. According to Jack, who knew?)... 

I reach the "test center" which really is just a big office building, and go up to this suite of rooms. This is some CIA sort of shit. The security is major. They make you sign in, show two ids, empty your pockets, sign a confidentiality statement, lock up your belongings, leave all drinks, calculators, scratch paper, lip balm (I asked) in the outer room. There are many, many "test center" rules. If you screw up, they will kick your GRE cheating ass out. Really, how many of the dorks sitting in the "test center" lobby are packing a mini camera to steal test questions? Even more intriguing is just how many people are sitting in the test center lobby ready to take these standardized tests on a Tuesday morning...again, who knew? Less intriguing is the fact that I am the oldest test taker in the vicinity. Great. I hope I get some sort of an age handicap. All these youngsters seem to have taken this test before. They all know the drill and immediately jump in with both feet.

They assign me a computer in the  inner sanctum, and remind me, I cannot leave that area until the computer prompt says it is break time. I must put my id on the top of the little shelf in my carrel along with the key to my locker. Then I have to  go through the whole computer training seminar on how to move a mouse and  click on the right answer. Because I have never taken a test on line, I sit through the whole mother loving thing. The only thing I learn during the seminar is that there is no way to make the test go backwards. You must answer and move on. Thus totally eliminating the tried and true, very effective test strategy of answering all the easy ones and going back for the hard ones. Great...Another very interesting part of the GRE is that the better you do the harder it gets...The computer actually adjusts as you go, altering the questions based on your previous responses....Great, again

I begin with the writing. The young hipsters in the crowd have been typing like fiends for hours. None of them bothered to sit through the "training" seminar. Whatever. I finish my two essays and unlike all the rest of the testers, I opt to take the computer allowed 10 minute break. I need blistex and a hit of Diet Dr. Pepper. When my ten minutes are up, I once again reveal that my pockets hold no contraband and I return to my computer. It's go time. The Math section pops up on the screen. They start me off easy to gauge my skills. I must answer a few right and the next thing I know, these incredibly complicated multi level fractions that include exponents, variables and absolute values are flashing on the screen. I am in so far over my head that I seriously want to start to cry...but I can't because they didn't let me bring in any Kleenex. I swear, the hipster are just about done and I am still trying to figure out if a negative exponent trumps an unsolvable three variable equation.

The clock is ticking away and I am not getting any smarter. Many sided geometric figures involving arcs, lines, triangle and angles float on the screen, I have to guess at these ones too...Dammit why can't they ask me to name Darren Steven's boss?I know that one. (Larry Tate)  Better yet, how Paris Hilton is related to Prudence from Nanny and the Professor (Paris is the niece of Kim Richards, previously of Nanny and the Professor and Escape to Witch Mountain fame, now on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Similarly, Haley Mills is the niece of Juliet Mills who played Nanny on the show) I am obviously taking the wrong test.  Problems involving percentages creep up indicating that I have answered all the hard questions wrong. I may not know these answers, but I sure as hell know that the machine is dumbing down the questions for me...Now, I just begin to flat out panic. I am guessing away, praying for divine inspiration, just hoping to recognize something that may even remotely resemble a right answer. Finally I resort to just making sure I answer every questions, and I can't even do that, because time runs out and my screen goes black with two questions left unanswered. Shiiittt.  I  am done with Math...but probably not forever, because I am pretty darn sure I will be reporting to this test center some time in the near future to take this bad boy again. I am literally covered in flop sweat and I am not allowed to take a break. Great..

The verbal section follows and it's just fine. Actually, I realize I must be holding my own because the last reading comprehension passage is seriously a five page text lifted from some Phd level scientific journal. OK, let's hope I ace this section because I will seriously need to balance out my remedial math score....My heart is still racing, every hipster is gone, and I am the only dumbass who stays to complete the "experimental section" of the GRE even though the computer says you don't have to. I swear to you I was honestly hoping that the computer would give me some extra GRE credit for being a kind, helpful, eager beaver  experimental test taking guinea pig. I am now reduced to sucking up to the GRE test machine in the hopes of improving my score.

 Yet another interesting aspect of the GRE is that at the end of the exam, while you are still sitting right there, in the inner sanctum, at your little assigned carrel, the computer will automatically score your test and give you your GRE results. Sounds like a pretty nice option. How handy to know your score. However, this demon test from hell also gives you the tantalizing option of not getting your test graded at all (no harm no foul) and just bailing out on the whole thing. Once the test is scored, it is official and will automatically be reported to your school of choice.  THREE TIMES they show me the prompt about bailing out, THREE TIMES. I start to panic, certain that my new BFF the GRE computer is trying to  tell me something---THREE TIMES. The  flop sweat is back with a vengeance. Score or bail, score or bail?  Finally, I decide, screw it, I'm not getting any younger and I'm certainly not getting any smarter. Just score the gd thing and let me move on with my math impaired life...I brace myself and the computer flashes my score...I'm not quite sure what it means, but it seems to be ok. And the good news is, I am never taking this fudging test again...ever. However, I cannot write my score down because I was not allowed to bring any papers into or out of the inner sanctum...great. We all know that I will never remember this score because every crevice of my brain is filled with TV trivia from my childhood.

Man, my stomach hurts just remembering that whole test thing. I quickly rallied, left the test center, put it all behind me and went on to more important things like meeting my sister Wendy to help her pick out flooring for her summer house. Nice that I've kept my priority straight.

Told you this was a long one....

Today's Top Ten:

1. The Kindle. It is JUST amazing. I am an addict. It may be a permanent top ten.
2. Eddie Martinis--my favorite Milwaukee restaurant
3. The long cabled cashmere sweater currently on sale right now on Pure Cashmere.  Yes, I bought it.
4. The Hunter tote on sale at gilt.com
5. Ben Hansborough--played some great basketball for ND this week. Take that big brother, Tyler
6. Grad School--just getting it in one last time.
7. White, glossy subway tiles--a very cool and clean look for Wendy's summer house showers
8. Neosporin overnight lip balm--a must during these cold days
9. Serena and Lilly- a beautiful catalogue of baby furniture, linens and paint samples. They have the best fabrics and rugs around,
10. Ok, even though I am a Bears Fan....Aaron Rodgers...He is a great quarterback, really lead his team on Sunday and provides the necessary contrast to reveal Jay Cutler as the total whining p*$$y that he really is...

Okay, let's get those celebrity photos coming in. New post soon. I swear, it's already started.

We Want Results, Not Excuses

Okay, I'm admitting it...I've been seriously remiss in keeping the blog current. January is a recooping month for me and I'm telling you, after the holiday rush, the college kid frenzy, getting Annie off to London (more on that later) and finishing my Grad school application, I'm just goddawful tired (no profanity in that sentence...one down). In addition, I am so freaking cold that I've been pretty much paralyzed for the last week or so, except for the crazy flurry of activity that had to take place to accomplish the tasks above.  I know, I get it, to quote the infamous Jack Davidson (who is a seven year old font of wisdom) "We want results, not excuses"., but all I really have right now, is a big old bucket of excuses. So here they are:

1.  Annie left for a semester in London on Wednesday-see below for the details
2. I had to take my Christmas stuff down.  It was A LOT of stuff.  Seriously, this year I had a way better display than the State Street Macy's (Back me up here, Katey Casper and Beth Mattuecci, on both the volume and the caliber of the decor) and for some reason it took me like a full week to dismantle the whole thing
3. The College Kids were home--Annie and Chris generate WAY more laundry than the other four combined. (spoiled shidiots)  Also, we were constantly playing car musical chairs--3 drivers, 2 cars= extra driving for me and they all kept wanting food. Like my kitchen is some sort of dining hall "Grab and Go". Nice to have everyone back on a schedule and nice to have only the four younger kids home because their expectations are super low. "Mom made dinner? Really? Did the Visa Bill come today?"
4. I had to finish my Grad School Application--this is a true story. I am applying to Grad School. I know, I know "What the Hell am I thinking?" Not sure, but there is a VERY good chance that I will not get in, given that I had to provide a resume which makes it kind of hard to hide the fact that I have not had a JOB IN ALMOST TWENTY YEARS....
5. I am freezing my F'ing Ass off--it is SO cold here (Dave McKeon keeps the thermostat at a nippy 68 degrees, and I am not cranking  it up to 72 the minute he leaves for the office like I usually do because I am trying to stay on his good side as I plan not just a trip to London, but a Spring Break trip as well) and it just keeps snowing outside.  I am not particularly good in even mid 40s weather, so it is all I can do to muscle up and leave my house in these arctic conditions. Right now, I am wearing a turtleneck, a cashmere long sleeved crew neck sweater, a cashmere cardigan, two pairs of smart wool socks from LL Bean, and a blanket. The temptation to power up the kindle, crawl under the blanket and just give up is pretty great. It is only because I love all of you and this super special blog that I have found the inner drive to post up....You're welcome....

OK, those are all of my excuses. I know that they are lame, but I am sticking with them. I do promise that I will post more often and I am still waiting for pictures of all of you with famous people. Fine, fine, you don't have to be kissing them, just send me a nice shot of you and a celebrity and I will insert it into this blog...just like this:  (again, be dazzled and amazed by my technological proficiency)

This is Brian Pond with Khloe Khardashian at a Timberwolves game. Yes, Brian Pond again. I am not sure what he does for a living, but Chris McKeon wants to job shadow him. Somehow, he gets to rub elbows with famous women, attend professional sporting events. and get paid for it.  Nicely played, FF Pond!

For all the rest of you, let's get those pics in or I will have to resort to my photo with Bill Bennet, Drug Czar!

Now, for your edification I am going to share a few of the details involved in getting Annie off to London. Pay attention because this blog is nothing if not educational. Once you have read how well we did with the packing stage, you will know not to ask me (or my sister Wendy) for any advice at all. Please, I am telling you with all sincerity, when your kid goes to study abroad, just call Sue Chiappetta. She knows everything.

But on to our story...First of all, Annie had to pack for four plus months of fun and travel in the UK and all of Europe. From what I am being told, (mostly by Annie) there are many necessary items that a young lady needs for this sort of foreign study and thanks to Sue and Emily Chiappetta, all the folks at McTernan Wireless and our very good friend, Ted the Personal Banker at Johnson Bank, Annie has them all and then some. We have secured every possible communication and payment devise necessary to anticipate any glitches. My big fear is that Annie will be stranded in a real foreign country (not England where they actually speak ENGLISH--who are we kidding? this is why Annie went there, she was way too lazy to learn another language) with no money, computer or cell phone. So, we have given her about twenty different ways to call home and about thirty different ways to access cash....Slightly scary no matter which way you go. We are trusting that she will be responsible with all of the above and not decide to buy several rounds of drinks at some flashy international disco for a bunch of Euro trash posers with her back up, back up Visa gift card that is to be hidden on her body at all times....(I hope you are reading this closely, Annie McKeon or your father will cut you off...)

However, and I'm sure this will come as a shock to absolutely no one...despite all of Dave McKeon's money lectures and Annie's good intentions, she didn't even make it through O'Hare security without hitting the pay button, hard...and again, shocker here, it was pretty much my fault. Allow me to explain. In the few days before Anne was leaving, we began to organize all of the items deemed essential to make it through a semester abroad. I'm not going to lie to you, there were a lot of them.  Then, we winnowed that bunch down some, but I added a small down comforter (c'mon, who wants to sleep with the regulation blankets? and you all know my big issues with sheets, beg bugs, etc. --thanks for the "sleep sack", Sue and Emily. Annie will not be the only one sleeping easier knowing that little miracle device is in play)  and a few towels for comfort and travel. Now, as a side note, Anne was understandably nervous to be heading across the pond. New country, new friends, new time zone, new currency... no sky caps and slave brothers to haul  her junk..., so I didn't want to further freak her out, by not allowing her to take several pairs of True Religion jeans.  My sage sister Wendy went through a similar experience with her daughter Maggie, when she studied in Mexico last semester. She gave me this seemingly responsible advice "Oh, I know, we didn't want to upset Maggie, either, so it was just easier to pay the extra money for the luggage"  With this comment ringing through my head, Annie and I continued to vacuum pack her stuff (those vacuum bag things are a true miracle of technology and fun. I swear to you, there is something incredibly gratifying in seeing four coats, five pairs of jeans and ten sweaters sucked down into a handbag size brick of cloth. You should see how small the down comforter and towels got...man, I love those bags. Only bag downside, they lull you into thinking you have less stuff than you really do....)

Anne told me she was allowed to bring two fifty pound bags, along with two carry ons. Well, we had two bags filled with vacuum packed clothes and bedding, and two good sized carry ons....(thanks again, Emily for the ultimate carry on/back pack North Face bag) In regard to the checked luggage, one was really close to fifty pounds, and the other...not so much. It weighed in at 61 pounds on our bathroom scale, (high tech luggage weighing device), but with my sister's sound advice in mind, I thought, "no big deal, Annie is happy,she has everything that she needs to last four months and to repel bed bugs, so we're all good".

In a surprise move, Dave McKeon unexpectedly accompanied Annie and I to the airport. (Nate, Pete and Posey came too...Posey out of a love for her sister, Nate and Pete out of a love for skipping school) This was great, because Dave could park the car while the boys hauled Annie's big bags into the terminal. Once we finally checked in and got the bags to the counter, seeing all sorts of ND kids along the way (the girl next to us in line obviously had a better luggage scale and a WAY smarter Aunt because she only had two TINY wheelie bags to hoist up on the scale), our not particularly friendly check in guy weighs  the first bag (51 lbs) nods and lets it go. We then wrestle the big boy up there, which clocks in at a whopping 65 lbs. OK, we knew this was coming, I get ready to pay the freight, and with his chronic perfect timing, Dave McKeon comes strolling in from the parking garage, JUST IN TIME TO HEAR THE GUY SAY..."THAT WILL BE TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!   Fifty for the second bag, and $200 because it is over weight".  The girl next to us in line, with her 35 total pounds of luggage looks a little smug. Her parents are even happier but somewhat appalled as they listen to this lovely marital exchange:

Dave says to me:  "Are you going to take some shit out of that bag so that it doesn't cost us $200?" I say "No, I really can't because it is all vacuum packed into clothing bricks, I am afraid if we open up one brick,  the whole bag is going to blow"  Then he says, (and I'm quoting here so don't call me out on the profanity) "What the FUCK does she have in that bag?"  And I say, "Well, a lot of clothes and I made her bring a down comforter and a few towels because I didn't want her sleeping on the junky, used bedding they give the kids" And he says to me, not in a whisper mind you "Do you think she JUST MIGHT be able to buy a FUCKING  blanket in FUCKING LONDON for less than TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS??!!.  Jesus Christ, just hand her some cash and take the towels and blanket out of the bag"  I again explained that due to my expert packing with the vacuum bags, the f'ing  towels and blankets were sucked into sealed parcels with other necessary items. If we touched one, we'd upset the whole balance of the suitcase and pretty much the universe as we know it would blow up and come to a screeching halt.

Dave did his typical head shake, sigh of paternal despair, and watched as I handed 250 American dollars to Mr. Disgruntled Airline worker. Dave was even more excited when I added this little aside: "Hey, pal, this is just the tip of the international travel iceberg. just get used to it."  To which he promptly replied: "Tell the boys they are staying on FUCKING  American soil for all four years of their FUCKING college experience. I don't give a shit if they are the biggest, lopsided, uncultured boors this side of Jethro Clampett....$200 dollars for a spare blanket?  You've got to be fucking kidding me.  She better meet some goddamn Duke while she's over there or she's never getting this fucking luggage home...."   Needless to say, the parents of the girl with the two tiny wheelie bags in line behind us were not asking to coordinate schedules and travel together to visit the girls in London. Aaahhh, once again, the McKeons make a graceful, heart felt and delicate exit in a public situation. Still living the family motto: "We're the McKeons. If it can take longer and cost more, we're the first in line."  Thanks a lot for the great advice, Wendy.....

I will continue to keep you posted on Annie in London and her quest to get invited to the Royal Wedding....

Today's Top Ten:

1. Ted the Banker
2. Ryan Carey--a fine young man who seems to be the only thing keeping Annie and her super honed sense of direction from getting lost every day in London
3. Vacuum sealing space bags....they are a modern marvel, no matter what Dave Mckeon thinks
4. International Black Berry Messaging. Thanks to this technological wizardry, I can text Annie night and day, and supposedly it is free....
5. Smart Wool socks from LLBean.
6. Lori Gunzenhaeuser--she is our old babysitter from Mansfield who is now a follower on this blog.  I am telling you, she was an AWESOME  babysitter who watched our kids from the time she was 11 years old. Hey, Lori, I just found a picture of you and Pete from Torch Lake when he was just a toddler. You were super tan. Do you remember how freakishly small he was?? Now he is a punk...don't worry, I'm not blaming you....I'm blaming Jack
7. The beautiful bowl the Beth Mattuecci gave me from Watts. It is stunning.
8. Darphin Hydraskin moisturizer.  It's way cheaper than La Mer, but works great
9. Biscuits from KFC--just had one last night, forgot how good they are. These were a staple of my law school diet, because they were super cheap and filling. still are...
10. Silk Sleep sack--anything that keeps the germs and funk of strange sheets and bedding away will always make the top ten.

Have a great week. Keep the pictures coming...Even though I have been lax in my posting duties, please continue to comment on the blog...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Admit it. You thought I was never going to post again, didn't you? You couldn't get so lucky.  I was taking a much needed break and spending some quality time with my.... kindle....(you thought I was going to  say with my kids, didn't you?) The kindle is a little compact miracle that I grow to love more each day. The kids, well, they're ok, too.  But now, after my little rest,  I am back in the blogosphere and ready to post it up for the foreseeable future. I have quickly realized that the only way I am going to make it through what appears to be a very long and cold winter is to immediately plan a Spring Break Trip and to blog my way along for amusement and profit. Amusement from you, my fun and funny followers, --do not let me down...and profit from that book deal that I am certain is looming on the not yet visible, but soon to materialize book deal horizon...( I feel that 2011 is my lucky year....as they say on Wheel of Fortune "c'mon, big money").

Speaking of amusement, do you all remember the photo that was mentioned during the Fit Club Challenge of Mr.Brian FF Pond kissing Sarah Palin? Well guess what? That photo really exists and I have a copy of it. I am inserting right here into my blog for all to see. (Please note and quietly applaud right now, in the privacy of your home, office or car the enormous upgrade in technological skills I am showing by inserting this photo into my blog.. Yes, I am impressed too...a new year, a new techno savvy me...You're welcome.

I personally cannot get enough of this photo. That is really Sarah Palin and that is really Brian Pond. Note that they are both ball cap aficionados....hmm...Man, this could be the start of something big...I am totally putting it out there that if any of you have any photos, no matter how stupid or incriminating that involve anyone we even remotely know kissing a celebrity or even a psuedo celebrity, those photos had better end up coming to this blog. I mean it. It is these "brush  with greatness" moments that will put this blog on the cyber map and reel in the ever elusive book deal....To the Ponds, I thank you for the photo and sharing your special moment with all of us. To the rest of you, let's go. Don't let the Ponds make you look like unimpressive, non celebrity kissing losers....get those photos coming....

So, Happy New Year. Bring it on, 2011. Thanks to the Burberry Fit Club Challenge, my pants still fit. Despite the Burberry Fit Club Challenge (TWO Burberry scarves and awesome consolation prizes?,...Laurie, you are too much), I still have a few pesos in my checking account, so all in all, I am eager and ready to meet and greet the New Year. I have made only one resolution this year, (which is one more than I made last year) but it is a good one:  I am giving up profanity. I mean it, I am going to work like crazy (see? I could have said "H*LL", but didn't ) to eliminate the cursing...especially the f-bomb. I have found that I am dropping it more and  more frequently, and I fear that people may interpret my constant stream of profanity as an indication of a low vocabulary. This could not be further from the truth...Hey, I took the GRE last month (this will be fodder for another post, trust me) and a low vocabulary is not my issue. (negative exponents, absolute values squared, enormous three variable equations turned into two page fractions?...that's my issue.) So, to class up the blog and show my verbal prowess, I am refraining from blatant and gratuitous expletives.

Allow me to clarify: As my New Year's resolution for 2011, I am giving up profanity. However, there will be a few exceptions and I just want to get them out there, so you all are not calling me out on ever tiny, knit picking cuss word. The following situational profanity is allowable:

• Crap is not a bad word. I will try not to use it a lot because it is a lazy word, but it is not a bad word....
• The P*$$y List keeps its name. I'm quoting someone, so it doesn't count. Don't worry, Dave McKeon took almost a full week off over the Holidays, and thus provided plenty more items for the list. Just ask Casey Ferraro and Laurie Rafferty. You spend 10 minutes with Dave and the list grows..
• Any other "quotes" of other people's profanity does not count, especially if I am quoting Tommy from "Rescue Me".
• "Hell" can go either way.  I will be the judge of when it is appropriate
• "Shidiot" is not profanity
• If someone does something just extraordinarily stupid, and you know it is going to happen, I am allowed to use an asterisk in the expletive that will be necessary in these rare circumstances.
• When the police pick up Pete McKeon for some shidiocy, (and you know it's going to happen) I am allowed to swear at him until his ears bleed
• If Notre Dame ever gets beat by Tulsa in any sport ever again, heavy profanity is absolutely permissible.
• If an anvil, piano, bank safe or any other super heavy object falls on my head or foot, I am allowed to swear like a sailor
• If I am in the middle of a particularly difficult Boot Camp session, I can let the occasional curse word slip...What happens at Boot Camp, Stays at Boot Camp,  right, Judy?
• Words that sound like profanity "freaking, fricking, frigging, darn it, mother puss bucket, etc..." are allowed in small doses...the more creative, the better
• Taking the Lord's name in vain is off limits....this will be difficult, but I will try hard
• If I suddenly find out some super shocking news (but it has to be really shocking, like: I'm pregnant, Annie's joined a cult in London, Chris makes the Deans List, Modern Family gets cancelled, Daniel Tosh is really a woman...) a few expletives are allowed.

Other than that, I'm speaking on the straight and narrow. Only clean, fresh, smart and chipper words will be coming out of my mouth and off of my fingers. On to a new and better me, on to a new and better year.

Okay, I know that it has been a while, so I just want to remind you all how this whole blog thing works. I write/post some highly entertaining, high quality stuff, including super photos like the one above. You read the stuff, log on and send me back some comments. It's just like what you all did during the Burberry Fit Club Challenge, BUT there is no incentive involved (other than making me laugh). I think you are all mature enough, kind enough and engaged enough to  post up a comment now and then, without having to be bribed. Moreover, maybe a few of you could convince some of your equally witty and nongraft loving friends to check out the blog as well. C'mon, you can do it...We will see how this whole "mature, honor system" thing goes, and if you are all good, (followers, comments and photos) I will run some new incentive laden challenge in the late winter. When we will all really need it, but until then, just keep reading, commenting, following and SENDING IN PICTURES OF PEOPLE KISSING FAMOUS PEOPLE....please. Thanks.

ps--To Angela Fitzpatrick: You kissing Brendan on his return from Afghanistan totally counts as a "famous kissing" photo.  Do not disappoint.

Today's Top Ten--(somethings will not change in this new year)

1. The Kindle--it truly is amazing. I am not kidding.
2. "Pretty Little Liars"--it is back on tonight with the season premiere
3. Blue Mercury in Lake Forest--has many great facial products for men and women...ask for Linda, she knows everything 
4. "Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules" --a Book of Short stories endorsed by David Sedaris.
5. Sue Chiappetta--she and Emily are totally stocking up Annie McKeon for her trip to London. I am VERY grateful
6. Jack McKeon--got into Notre Dame AND put all the Christmas decorations up.
7. Those white rappers from Maine who sing that mash up song that mixes the theme from the show "Rugrats" with a bunch of rap stuff...sorry, I can't remember their names, but it's a great song.
8. True Grit-the new version of the movie, or the old one
9. The "kissing Sarah Palin" photo
10. 2011--the year of the Book Deal