We Want Results, Not Excuses

Okay, I'm admitting it...I've been seriously remiss in keeping the blog current. January is a recooping month for me and I'm telling you, after the holiday rush, the college kid frenzy, getting Annie off to London (more on that later) and finishing my Grad school application, I'm just goddawful tired (no profanity in that sentence...one down). In addition, I am so freaking cold that I've been pretty much paralyzed for the last week or so, except for the crazy flurry of activity that had to take place to accomplish the tasks above.  I know, I get it, to quote the infamous Jack Davidson (who is a seven year old font of wisdom) "We want results, not excuses"., but all I really have right now, is a big old bucket of excuses. So here they are:

1.  Annie left for a semester in London on Wednesday-see below for the details
2. I had to take my Christmas stuff down.  It was A LOT of stuff.  Seriously, this year I had a way better display than the State Street Macy's (Back me up here, Katey Casper and Beth Mattuecci, on both the volume and the caliber of the decor) and for some reason it took me like a full week to dismantle the whole thing
3. The College Kids were home--Annie and Chris generate WAY more laundry than the other four combined. (spoiled shidiots)  Also, we were constantly playing car musical chairs--3 drivers, 2 cars= extra driving for me and they all kept wanting food. Like my kitchen is some sort of dining hall "Grab and Go". Nice to have everyone back on a schedule and nice to have only the four younger kids home because their expectations are super low. "Mom made dinner? Really? Did the Visa Bill come today?"
4. I had to finish my Grad School Application--this is a true story. I am applying to Grad School. I know, I know "What the Hell am I thinking?" Not sure, but there is a VERY good chance that I will not get in, given that I had to provide a resume which makes it kind of hard to hide the fact that I have not had a JOB IN ALMOST TWENTY YEARS....
5. I am freezing my F'ing Ass off--it is SO cold here (Dave McKeon keeps the thermostat at a nippy 68 degrees, and I am not cranking  it up to 72 the minute he leaves for the office like I usually do because I am trying to stay on his good side as I plan not just a trip to London, but a Spring Break trip as well) and it just keeps snowing outside.  I am not particularly good in even mid 40s weather, so it is all I can do to muscle up and leave my house in these arctic conditions. Right now, I am wearing a turtleneck, a cashmere long sleeved crew neck sweater, a cashmere cardigan, two pairs of smart wool socks from LL Bean, and a blanket. The temptation to power up the kindle, crawl under the blanket and just give up is pretty great. It is only because I love all of you and this super special blog that I have found the inner drive to post up....You're welcome....

OK, those are all of my excuses. I know that they are lame, but I am sticking with them. I do promise that I will post more often and I am still waiting for pictures of all of you with famous people. Fine, fine, you don't have to be kissing them, just send me a nice shot of you and a celebrity and I will insert it into this blog...just like this:  (again, be dazzled and amazed by my technological proficiency)

This is Brian Pond with Khloe Khardashian at a Timberwolves game. Yes, Brian Pond again. I am not sure what he does for a living, but Chris McKeon wants to job shadow him. Somehow, he gets to rub elbows with famous women, attend professional sporting events. and get paid for it.  Nicely played, FF Pond!

For all the rest of you, let's get those pics in or I will have to resort to my photo with Bill Bennet, Drug Czar!

Now, for your edification I am going to share a few of the details involved in getting Annie off to London. Pay attention because this blog is nothing if not educational. Once you have read how well we did with the packing stage, you will know not to ask me (or my sister Wendy) for any advice at all. Please, I am telling you with all sincerity, when your kid goes to study abroad, just call Sue Chiappetta. She knows everything.

But on to our story...First of all, Annie had to pack for four plus months of fun and travel in the UK and all of Europe. From what I am being told, (mostly by Annie) there are many necessary items that a young lady needs for this sort of foreign study and thanks to Sue and Emily Chiappetta, all the folks at McTernan Wireless and our very good friend, Ted the Personal Banker at Johnson Bank, Annie has them all and then some. We have secured every possible communication and payment devise necessary to anticipate any glitches. My big fear is that Annie will be stranded in a real foreign country (not England where they actually speak ENGLISH--who are we kidding? this is why Annie went there, she was way too lazy to learn another language) with no money, computer or cell phone. So, we have given her about twenty different ways to call home and about thirty different ways to access cash....Slightly scary no matter which way you go. We are trusting that she will be responsible with all of the above and not decide to buy several rounds of drinks at some flashy international disco for a bunch of Euro trash posers with her back up, back up Visa gift card that is to be hidden on her body at all times....(I hope you are reading this closely, Annie McKeon or your father will cut you off...)

However, and I'm sure this will come as a shock to absolutely no one...despite all of Dave McKeon's money lectures and Annie's good intentions, she didn't even make it through O'Hare security without hitting the pay button, hard...and again, shocker here, it was pretty much my fault. Allow me to explain. In the few days before Anne was leaving, we began to organize all of the items deemed essential to make it through a semester abroad. I'm not going to lie to you, there were a lot of them.  Then, we winnowed that bunch down some, but I added a small down comforter (c'mon, who wants to sleep with the regulation blankets? and you all know my big issues with sheets, beg bugs, etc. --thanks for the "sleep sack", Sue and Emily. Annie will not be the only one sleeping easier knowing that little miracle device is in play)  and a few towels for comfort and travel. Now, as a side note, Anne was understandably nervous to be heading across the pond. New country, new friends, new time zone, new currency... no sky caps and slave brothers to haul  her junk..., so I didn't want to further freak her out, by not allowing her to take several pairs of True Religion jeans.  My sage sister Wendy went through a similar experience with her daughter Maggie, when she studied in Mexico last semester. She gave me this seemingly responsible advice "Oh, I know, we didn't want to upset Maggie, either, so it was just easier to pay the extra money for the luggage"  With this comment ringing through my head, Annie and I continued to vacuum pack her stuff (those vacuum bag things are a true miracle of technology and fun. I swear to you, there is something incredibly gratifying in seeing four coats, five pairs of jeans and ten sweaters sucked down into a handbag size brick of cloth. You should see how small the down comforter and towels got...man, I love those bags. Only bag downside, they lull you into thinking you have less stuff than you really do....)

Anne told me she was allowed to bring two fifty pound bags, along with two carry ons. Well, we had two bags filled with vacuum packed clothes and bedding, and two good sized carry ons....(thanks again, Emily for the ultimate carry on/back pack North Face bag) In regard to the checked luggage, one was really close to fifty pounds, and the other...not so much. It weighed in at 61 pounds on our bathroom scale, (high tech luggage weighing device), but with my sister's sound advice in mind, I thought, "no big deal, Annie is happy,she has everything that she needs to last four months and to repel bed bugs, so we're all good".

In a surprise move, Dave McKeon unexpectedly accompanied Annie and I to the airport. (Nate, Pete and Posey came too...Posey out of a love for her sister, Nate and Pete out of a love for skipping school) This was great, because Dave could park the car while the boys hauled Annie's big bags into the terminal. Once we finally checked in and got the bags to the counter, seeing all sorts of ND kids along the way (the girl next to us in line obviously had a better luggage scale and a WAY smarter Aunt because she only had two TINY wheelie bags to hoist up on the scale), our not particularly friendly check in guy weighs  the first bag (51 lbs) nods and lets it go. We then wrestle the big boy up there, which clocks in at a whopping 65 lbs. OK, we knew this was coming, I get ready to pay the freight, and with his chronic perfect timing, Dave McKeon comes strolling in from the parking garage, JUST IN TIME TO HEAR THE GUY SAY..."THAT WILL BE TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!   Fifty for the second bag, and $200 because it is over weight".  The girl next to us in line, with her 35 total pounds of luggage looks a little smug. Her parents are even happier but somewhat appalled as they listen to this lovely marital exchange:

Dave says to me:  "Are you going to take some shit out of that bag so that it doesn't cost us $200?" I say "No, I really can't because it is all vacuum packed into clothing bricks, I am afraid if we open up one brick,  the whole bag is going to blow"  Then he says, (and I'm quoting here so don't call me out on the profanity) "What the FUCK does she have in that bag?"  And I say, "Well, a lot of clothes and I made her bring a down comforter and a few towels because I didn't want her sleeping on the junky, used bedding they give the kids" And he says to me, not in a whisper mind you "Do you think she JUST MIGHT be able to buy a FUCKING  blanket in FUCKING LONDON for less than TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS??!!.  Jesus Christ, just hand her some cash and take the towels and blanket out of the bag"  I again explained that due to my expert packing with the vacuum bags, the f'ing  towels and blankets were sucked into sealed parcels with other necessary items. If we touched one, we'd upset the whole balance of the suitcase and pretty much the universe as we know it would blow up and come to a screeching halt.

Dave did his typical head shake, sigh of paternal despair, and watched as I handed 250 American dollars to Mr. Disgruntled Airline worker. Dave was even more excited when I added this little aside: "Hey, pal, this is just the tip of the international travel iceberg. just get used to it."  To which he promptly replied: "Tell the boys they are staying on FUCKING  American soil for all four years of their FUCKING college experience. I don't give a shit if they are the biggest, lopsided, uncultured boors this side of Jethro Clampett....$200 dollars for a spare blanket?  You've got to be fucking kidding me.  She better meet some goddamn Duke while she's over there or she's never getting this fucking luggage home...."   Needless to say, the parents of the girl with the two tiny wheelie bags in line behind us were not asking to coordinate schedules and travel together to visit the girls in London. Aaahhh, once again, the McKeons make a graceful, heart felt and delicate exit in a public situation. Still living the family motto: "We're the McKeons. If it can take longer and cost more, we're the first in line."  Thanks a lot for the great advice, Wendy.....

I will continue to keep you posted on Annie in London and her quest to get invited to the Royal Wedding....

Today's Top Ten:

1. Ted the Banker
2. Ryan Carey--a fine young man who seems to be the only thing keeping Annie and her super honed sense of direction from getting lost every day in London
3. Vacuum sealing space bags....they are a modern marvel, no matter what Dave Mckeon thinks
4. International Black Berry Messaging. Thanks to this technological wizardry, I can text Annie night and day, and supposedly it is free....
5. Smart Wool socks from LLBean.
6. Lori Gunzenhaeuser--she is our old babysitter from Mansfield who is now a follower on this blog.  I am telling you, she was an AWESOME  babysitter who watched our kids from the time she was 11 years old. Hey, Lori, I just found a picture of you and Pete from Torch Lake when he was just a toddler. You were super tan. Do you remember how freakishly small he was?? Now he is a punk...don't worry, I'm not blaming you....I'm blaming Jack
7. The beautiful bowl the Beth Mattuecci gave me from Watts. It is stunning.
8. Darphin Hydraskin moisturizer.  It's way cheaper than La Mer, but works great
9. Biscuits from KFC--just had one last night, forgot how good they are. These were a staple of my law school diet, because they were super cheap and filling. still are...
10. Silk Sleep sack--anything that keeps the germs and funk of strange sheets and bedding away will always make the top ten.

Have a great week. Keep the pictures coming...Even though I have been lax in my posting duties, please continue to comment on the blog...