GRAB A BEVERAGE, IT'S A LONG ONE....



Way to go, Tricia, upping the ante with your celebrity photo...  Khloe Khardashian...pfft, just a flash in the pan compared to a true American icon like the irascible Ruth Buzzi. And while many of you know Ms. Buzzi as the weekly laugh riot on Laugh-In, who can ever forgot her stellar performance in the cinema classic "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again"? For those of you who do not have the bionic vision necessary to see this photo on the comment portion of the blog, here is Tricia's celebrity photo op moment:

Tricia, how cute were you when you were little? If you don't mind, could you please fill us all in on your special moment with Ms. Buzzi.? I am assuming this was taken during her hey day and pinnacle of fame.  As an obvious Ruth Buzzi aficionado, I am sure that Tricia knows that Yes, indeed, our Ms. Buzzi and her comedy genius live on. I like to think that she and her good friend Charles Nelson Reilly (God rest his soul) would get a small chuckle if they had the good fortune to stumble upon this blog. Thanks, Tricia, for sharing this true brush with greatness. Please, in the spirit of Tricia and the venerable Ruth Buzzi, let's keep those celeb photos coming.

Katey Caspar came through with a VERY timely photo, (see above) a picture of her parents and the Super Bowl Bound Donald Driver. Although this photo does not actually contain KATEY, (Katey, Katey, Katey, always bucking the directions, just like in Boot Camp) it is still very cool. For those of you who do not know, Katey's mom and dad do some commercial work in their spare time and Katey's mom shot a commercial with Donald Driver this fall. She was paid to slap him on the fanny...nice work if you can get it. I am surprised that Brian Pond does not have the male version of this job.... As you can see, both of Katey's parents are very photogenic.  (and as you can also see, I have TOTALLY mastered the "insert photo" part of the blog---Laurie McKeon 2.0). Please help me keep my technology skills current by sending in your celebrity photos (or your mom's celebrity photos) today. 

Okay, I've got to tell you, I have some news and I am super psyched about it. I got accepted to Grad School yesterday. Seriously, I got into Grad School yesterday.  How cool is that? I will be entering the Executive Masters of Non Profit Administration Program at the University of Notre Dame this summer. I mean it when I say, this is something I've always wanted to do and like the uber nerd that I really am, I can't wait to start. It's an Executive Program so most of it is done on line, but I do have to spend the next two summers on the Notre Dame campus (tough duty). I am not quite sure what I am going to do with my kids this summer while I am in South Bend for a month, but I'm pretty sure we will figure it out.  Annie may be spending the summer in Boston doing an internship, and I am VERY leery of leaving Chris "college freshman shidiot of the year" McKeon in charge of the brotherhood and their daily antics, let alone in charge of his little sister.  Good Lord, you just know that somehow under his watchful eye, all the downstairs furniture would be sold on ebay and the family room would be converted into a ping pong/basketball court/frat house/pool hall. And to be honest, I fear that their father would not ever notice.

Speaking of their father, Dave McKeon has some reservations about this whole back to school plan.  I know this will come as a surprise to all, but Dave is somewhat skeptical of my academic endeavor. Basically, he is trying to figure out just how much this is going to cost him, and if there is any truth to my claims that this degree will eventually lead to some legitimate, gainful, PAID employment. (He has a tendency to make many references to my law degree and its ability to generate actual cash in the marketplace and my unwillingness to make that happen) He is also blanching just a tad at the thought of paying FOUR Notre Dame tuitions next year....However, when I pointed out to him that he is now officially sleeping with a co-ed, the news seemed to be a little more palatable. As in everything, it all depends on your perspective...

Now that I am officially admitted to Grad School, I can share with you my experience in taking the GRE. (I was afraid to post my GRE story at the time because I'm pretty sure if the admissions  people at ND read it, they would shred my application upon receipt) Have any of you taken the GRE lately? or any standardized test for that matter? Seriously, I have a whole new respect for my kids and their standardized test taking abilities. (but don't tell them that) Let's get a perspective here, a historical perspective: The last standardized test I took was the Bar Exam in 1987, prior to that, I took the LSAT in 1984...that was literally DECADES ago--pre i pod, i pad, i tunes, or i anything. Hell, most of today's NBA players weren't even born.

So, when I decided to apply for Grad School (let's just see how many times I can use "grad school" in this post...) I had to sign up to take the GRE. Well guess what? Unless you live in Guam or Puerto Rico, you cannot take a paper version of the GRE. You must take it on line...And you  must take it at a "certified testing center" OK, whatever that is. So, I signed up back in the Fall to take the GRE at some test center in Deerfield for some date in December.  I pretty much forget about it until the weekend before the exam when I finally cracked the GRE prepbook that I bought a back in October. I began with the verbal section because, frankly, it's the easiest. I read all the time and am not afraid of big words. I moved nicely through the analogies, the reading comprehension, the grammar and best word choices and am feeling pretty good. I also read about the writing portion of the exam. No big deal. I can write an on line essay with one hand tied behind my back...do it all the time.

Then, with less than 24 hours before exam time, I glance at the Math. Interesting. Remember, I have not taken an actual math class since Calc 1 at Notre Dame in the Spring of 1981. Yes, that would be THIRTY  YEARS AGO.  And because I am the mom who refuses to help her kids with their homework, I do not even get the benefit of a little refresher course on the backs of my kids. I took a look at some of the math problems and I am not going to lie...they looked kind of hard. Frankly, I do not remember the formula for figuring out the area of a circle, square, rectangle or any combination of the above. I tried to cram those geometric formulas into my middle aged brain, but with all the other crap in there, like the names of all the brothers in the Jackson Five, the calorie count of four rice krispie treats, the words to the theme song for the Jeffersons, there really was no room for the difference between mean, median and average, let alone the function of negative exponents. Basically, I was hoping to get super lucky with a whole bunch of graphing questions. 

Test day dawns and I have to check into the Official Test Center by 8:00 am. Fearing rush hour traffic, I leave the house at 6:30. (Little aside: Testing day for me is sweat pants day at the boys' school, (aside to an aside--I hate fun dress days, If I wanted my kids to wear jeans, sweats, jerseys, costumes to school, I would have sent them to public school)  Because I am not home to supervise the morning, Jack apparently walked out of the house in a one piece fire engine red union suit--yeah, just get the visual on that. Shocker, but while his father did not notice this sartorial display, school certainly did and made him change his clothes. Apparently a one piece red union suit does not constitute sweat pants. According to Jack, who knew?)... 

I reach the "test center" which really is just a big office building, and go up to this suite of rooms. This is some CIA sort of shit. The security is major. They make you sign in, show two ids, empty your pockets, sign a confidentiality statement, lock up your belongings, leave all drinks, calculators, scratch paper, lip balm (I asked) in the outer room. There are many, many "test center" rules. If you screw up, they will kick your GRE cheating ass out. Really, how many of the dorks sitting in the "test center" lobby are packing a mini camera to steal test questions? Even more intriguing is just how many people are sitting in the test center lobby ready to take these standardized tests on a Tuesday morning...again, who knew? Less intriguing is the fact that I am the oldest test taker in the vicinity. Great. I hope I get some sort of an age handicap. All these youngsters seem to have taken this test before. They all know the drill and immediately jump in with both feet.

They assign me a computer in the  inner sanctum, and remind me, I cannot leave that area until the computer prompt says it is break time. I must put my id on the top of the little shelf in my carrel along with the key to my locker. Then I have to  go through the whole computer training seminar on how to move a mouse and  click on the right answer. Because I have never taken a test on line, I sit through the whole mother loving thing. The only thing I learn during the seminar is that there is no way to make the test go backwards. You must answer and move on. Thus totally eliminating the tried and true, very effective test strategy of answering all the easy ones and going back for the hard ones. Great...Another very interesting part of the GRE is that the better you do the harder it gets...The computer actually adjusts as you go, altering the questions based on your previous responses....Great, again

I begin with the writing. The young hipsters in the crowd have been typing like fiends for hours. None of them bothered to sit through the "training" seminar. Whatever. I finish my two essays and unlike all the rest of the testers, I opt to take the computer allowed 10 minute break. I need blistex and a hit of Diet Dr. Pepper. When my ten minutes are up, I once again reveal that my pockets hold no contraband and I return to my computer. It's go time. The Math section pops up on the screen. They start me off easy to gauge my skills. I must answer a few right and the next thing I know, these incredibly complicated multi level fractions that include exponents, variables and absolute values are flashing on the screen. I am in so far over my head that I seriously want to start to cry...but I can't because they didn't let me bring in any Kleenex. I swear, the hipster are just about done and I am still trying to figure out if a negative exponent trumps an unsolvable three variable equation.

The clock is ticking away and I am not getting any smarter. Many sided geometric figures involving arcs, lines, triangle and angles float on the screen, I have to guess at these ones too...Dammit why can't they ask me to name Darren Steven's boss?I know that one. (Larry Tate)  Better yet, how Paris Hilton is related to Prudence from Nanny and the Professor (Paris is the niece of Kim Richards, previously of Nanny and the Professor and Escape to Witch Mountain fame, now on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Similarly, Haley Mills is the niece of Juliet Mills who played Nanny on the show) I am obviously taking the wrong test.  Problems involving percentages creep up indicating that I have answered all the hard questions wrong. I may not know these answers, but I sure as hell know that the machine is dumbing down the questions for me...Now, I just begin to flat out panic. I am guessing away, praying for divine inspiration, just hoping to recognize something that may even remotely resemble a right answer. Finally I resort to just making sure I answer every questions, and I can't even do that, because time runs out and my screen goes black with two questions left unanswered. Shiiittt.  I  am done with Math...but probably not forever, because I am pretty darn sure I will be reporting to this test center some time in the near future to take this bad boy again. I am literally covered in flop sweat and I am not allowed to take a break. Great..

The verbal section follows and it's just fine. Actually, I realize I must be holding my own because the last reading comprehension passage is seriously a five page text lifted from some Phd level scientific journal. OK, let's hope I ace this section because I will seriously need to balance out my remedial math score....My heart is still racing, every hipster is gone, and I am the only dumbass who stays to complete the "experimental section" of the GRE even though the computer says you don't have to. I swear to you I was honestly hoping that the computer would give me some extra GRE credit for being a kind, helpful, eager beaver  experimental test taking guinea pig. I am now reduced to sucking up to the GRE test machine in the hopes of improving my score.

 Yet another interesting aspect of the GRE is that at the end of the exam, while you are still sitting right there, in the inner sanctum, at your little assigned carrel, the computer will automatically score your test and give you your GRE results. Sounds like a pretty nice option. How handy to know your score. However, this demon test from hell also gives you the tantalizing option of not getting your test graded at all (no harm no foul) and just bailing out on the whole thing. Once the test is scored, it is official and will automatically be reported to your school of choice.  THREE TIMES they show me the prompt about bailing out, THREE TIMES. I start to panic, certain that my new BFF the GRE computer is trying to  tell me something---THREE TIMES. The  flop sweat is back with a vengeance. Score or bail, score or bail?  Finally, I decide, screw it, I'm not getting any younger and I'm certainly not getting any smarter. Just score the gd thing and let me move on with my math impaired life...I brace myself and the computer flashes my score...I'm not quite sure what it means, but it seems to be ok. And the good news is, I am never taking this fudging test again...ever. However, I cannot write my score down because I was not allowed to bring any papers into or out of the inner sanctum...great. We all know that I will never remember this score because every crevice of my brain is filled with TV trivia from my childhood.

Man, my stomach hurts just remembering that whole test thing. I quickly rallied, left the test center, put it all behind me and went on to more important things like meeting my sister Wendy to help her pick out flooring for her summer house. Nice that I've kept my priority straight.

Told you this was a long one....

Today's Top Ten:

1. The Kindle. It is JUST amazing. I am an addict. It may be a permanent top ten.
2. Eddie Martinis--my favorite Milwaukee restaurant
3. The long cabled cashmere sweater currently on sale right now on Pure Cashmere.  Yes, I bought it.
4. The Hunter tote on sale at gilt.com
5. Ben Hansborough--played some great basketball for ND this week. Take that big brother, Tyler
6. Grad School--just getting it in one last time.
7. White, glossy subway tiles--a very cool and clean look for Wendy's summer house showers
8. Neosporin overnight lip balm--a must during these cold days
9. Serena and Lilly- a beautiful catalogue of baby furniture, linens and paint samples. They have the best fabrics and rugs around,
10. Ok, even though I am a Bears Fan....Aaron Rodgers...He is a great quarterback, really lead his team on Sunday and provides the necessary contrast to reveal Jay Cutler as the total whining p*$$y that he really is...

Okay, let's get those celebrity photos coming in. New post soon. I swear, it's already started.