Updates

Happy Monday to you all---and to our friends and followers across the international date line, Happy Tuesday (maybe? I think?) to you...I am never quite sure how that whole dateline thing works. I will confess that I don't even know exactly where it starts. Somehow, in my fine educational experience, I never learned one flat thing about geography. When I was a child, we were taught "Social Studies" learning about Indian leantos, Mayan ruins, and the top imports from Bolivia, but we never learned any geography (or at least I never did) Seriously, I would be hard pressed to pick Bolivia out on a map. Hell, I barely know any of the states west of the Mississippi...( all those big square ones look the same to me...Nebraska, Wyoming, Kansas...)So, international date line...pfffft...That is why I married Dave McKeon--he knows all of that shit.

As promised, today is a day for updates.

First, way to go, all you followers and friends. The blog ticker got hit over 300 times on my special birthday. Many happy returns. We are over 3500 hits and counting. Keep it up.  Also, we have picked up quite an international contingent with recent page views from Iraq, Russia, Great Britian, the Netherlands, Guadeloupe (thank you, Maggie Nickels) and Canada. Thankfully, I can actually find all of these countries on the globe. I am making the personal promise to my audience that no matter what country you call home, if it shows up in my blog stats, I will make it my personal mission be able to recognize said country on a world map. ...And people say this is not a full service, audience driven, aiming to please one and all sort of  blog. 

Now, on to the You Can't Scare Me Fit Club Update:
-Numbers of Fit Club Members:  3, including me
-Number of Pounds Lost by Me since Fit Club began: None--I've actually gained two pounds. (told you I wouldn't lie), but that's ok. I've got some time before Christmas, and am rededicating myself to this quest. Yes, I know I now have 12 pounds to lose.... Shiiittt,. If I could just lay off the cupcakes, I think I'd be fine....Needless to say, it is not too late to join the Fit Club. As long as you didn't GAIN weight last week, you are beating my fat ass.
-Number of Red Velvet cupcakes eaten this week: 7, which is two less than the last time I was confronted with red velvet...my very own diet kryptonite, so I'm thinking positive. My good friend Kristi Ambro made me a big batch for my birthday and now that I have removed these these diet killers from the premises (by eating them all), I'm back in the diet game (somehow eating vast quantities of tempting foods to get them out of  my house in the name of losing weight seems to makes some twisted sense to me--not hard to believe I gained weight this week, but I think my strategy has long term potential)
-Number of cheeseburgers consumed: 1 and it wasn't even a good one--lesson learned

Finally, the update you've all been waiting for: The P*ssy List. For anyone who has spent anytime with Dave McKeon, you know that he is constantly tossing down the P*ssy gauntlet. With all of the crappy football being played lately by teams he loves, well, it's been a veritable P*ssypalooza, with every coach, player, program and league being called out. I will try to distill and recap as best I can. Please remember, I am not making this shit up. You are a P*ssy if:

• You are Jay Cutler ("I swear to God, that p*ssy is color blind")
• You throw an interception into double coverage in the end zone, when you could have kicked a field goal to win the game
• You engineered the genius play to throw into the end zone when a field goal would have won the game. ("Great, just what Notre Dame needs....another big talking, fat p*ssy coach who tanks in the fourth quarter")
• You played/coached football for USC ("Reggie Bush, OJ Simpson, Pete Carroll, Matt Leinhart, Mark Sanchez, Lane Kiffin.--just a cavalcade of p*ssies")
• You make the cheap hit
• You take the cheap hit
• You're a pulling guard who can't pull
• You are an NFL coach who wears a hoodie with the sleeves cut off ("Do you think Bill Belicheck buys those sweatshirts like that or does that p*ssy just cut the sleeves off of regular ones? ")
• You mishandle a fair catch
• You fall for the fake punt
• You take photos of your own "package" ("Could Brett Favre be a dumber p*ssy?")
• You email those photos to a Jet's employee ("Yes, he could be")
• You have the nerve to drive under 80 mph in the left hand lane on the Indiana Toll Road ("This is the fast lane, p*ssy. Speed up or get over")
• You don't have an I-Pass ("What sort of p*ssy doesn't have an I-Pass?")
• You can't navigate the Dan Ryan
• You don't turn right on red when you have the chance ("Make the turn, you big p*ssy")
• You fail to use your turn signal when you switch lanes
• You don't know how to carve a pumpkin ("Jesus, Nate, you pussy, when I was a kid, we scooped those pumpkin guts out with our hands..")
• You are a grown up man who actually likes to dress up for Halloween, ("Seriously, Laurie, do you know who dresses up for Halloween?  P*ssies and guys who's wives make them. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know guys dressed up in college, but that's only because they were hoping to get lucky with some girl dressed like a slutty cat, slutty bunny, or slutty slut")
• You are a grown man whose wife is making him dress up for Halloween, and you wear any costume that is not a cowboy, doctor, fireman or cop. ("Holy shit, look at that dude dressed like Marilyn Monroe! That poor,pathetic p*ssy")
• You hand out healthy snacks for Halloween ("Only a p*ssy gives out boxes of raisins to Trick or Treaters")
• You use body wash
• You use conditioner
• You drive a smart car ("You have to be one tiny p*ssy to drive a car that small")
• You know how to tap dance
• You wear mittens ("Is that p*ssy wearing mittens? Do you think they are clipped to his sleeves?")
• You don't secretly admire Gordon Gekko
• You haven't seen all of the Godfather movies
• You cry during any movie except for "Rudy" and "Brian's Song" 
• You've ever watched a complete episode of The View ("This has to be the biggest p*ssy show in the history of television. Turn this shit off")
• You wonder what happened to Rosie O'Donnell
• You don't read the  newspaper
• You can't read a box score
• You don't know who is playing in the World Series
• You watch cute animal videos on YouTube ("WTF? Some p*ssy sent me a link to some kitten video from YouTube...are you kidding me?")
• You eat sushi ("You know who eats raw fish? Seals and p*ssies,that's who.")
• You use chop sticks
• You eat sushi with chopsticks ("He is such a super pretentious p*ssy...he eats raw fish with chopsticks")
• You don't take off your hat during the National Anthem ("Tell that communist p*ssy in front of you to take off his hat. This is America. Have some respect")
• You use the term "Maverick" without irony
• You gain your political information from inflammatory TV ads ("I don't need some lying, phony, alarmist p*ssy telling me how to vote")
• You don't vote on election day

And the list goes on and on....

Today's Top Ten:

1. U.S. Service Men and Women--they fight for our freedom so we can vote--don't miss your chance to hit the polls tomorrow
2. Chris and Carol Sperry--great friends, always in our hearts
3. "Bunny Williams Scrapbook For Living"--a great book given to me for my birthday by Carol Sperry. It actually has a chapter on making the perfect bed...I am in anal retentive heaven...
4. The Morris Inn--the old school hotel on the Notre Dame campus
5. The Grotto--our sacred spot for candle lighting and prayers.
6. Thanksgiving--my second favorite Holiday, and not just because of the food...ok, mostly because of  the food
7. Posey McKeon--makes us laugh, keeps us young, is a true, total and undeserved gift
8. Hot Lunch-- a God send to lazy mothers
9. The Saks' Fifth Avenue Kid's online sale--it's pretty darn awesome. Merry Christmas to you, Posey...
10. The Fit Club--join it today