Join the G*dd*mn Fit Club....

And the list goes on...

I am pleased that we have over 60  followers on the You Can't Scare Me blog, many of whom have been lured in by the p*ssy list--I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but you signed on, so you count and I'm down with that.  I will continue to update that list on a regular basis. The holidays are fast approaching and nothing brings out the p*ssy diatribe in Dave McKeon more than gift giving, egg nog chugging, tree trimming and spending vasts sums of money.  The Very, Merry p*ssy list will be coming real soon. Consider it my gift to you.

As I've said, Christmas (or Hanukkah, for all of our Jewish friends and that viewer in Israel), is just around the corner. And I must tell you, I am a little disappointed in the lack of response to the Fit Club. C'mon on now. Who doesn't want to join a no pressure, low pressure club that will mildly encourage you to lose 10 pounds before the holidays? I'm not going to actually weigh you or anything. Hell, you can totally lie to this blog, there is no polygraph attached to it. But seriously, doesn't everyone want just a tiny bit of incentive or inspiration to get ahead of the winter fatty spread? Obviously, public commitment and blog camaraderie is not enough. So, I am going to sweeten the pot. I am going to bribe all of you lazy Mother F*ckers into joining the Fit Club. Your welcome.

Quick Aside: Have you noticed that I have been bleeping out at least one letter in all of the profanity in my blog lately? I think it lends a nice touch. It says, "I'm hip, but I still care about the children." The other day, one of Pete's little shidiot friends (Sorry, every single 14 year old boy in the world is a shidiot--by definition) said to me: "Hey, Mrs. McKeon--love the blog" . Which is cool and all, but knowing that young minds are reading this tripe, I think I should at least attempt to show, through the use of the universal asterisk that some words are inappropriate, especially in print . Just trying to do my part. Of course, I'm not so noble as to leave them out of the text entirely--there really is no perfect word to replace p*ssy that can still adequately convey the ire of Dave McKeon,--but, don't think that I don't know my language is foul. For those of you who know me well and talk to me in person on a regular basis--you are nodded in agreement here--You all know that I can drop the F-bomb into any casual conversation without even thinking about it.  Get me mad, and the F-bombs fly like machine gun fire...I'm working on it....Sure, I'd love to have a clean, profanity free mouth,  But first I have to lose 10 pounds. ..one vice at a time.

Okay, back to the Fit Club. We were talking about you lazy MFs and your unwillingness to publicly commit to the Fit Club. EXCEPT FOR KRISTI AMBRO,  who committed immediately--Top Ten, Baby...(Of course, she then proceeded to make me 2 dozen red velvet cupcakes which derailed my own Fit Club goals--sabotage? possibly....great cupcakes--definitely. And no one forced me to eat a baker's dozen of these little sugar coated gems...that was all me) I've gotten 2 more members who have verbally committed to the Club. (Wanda Jaraczewski and Amy Davidson), but the rest of you shids have been mute. Deeply and profoundly silent. Well, it's time to step up and be counted. Because I am adding the COOLEST incentive to be in this Club. It is well worth adding your  name to the Fit Club roster, and making an attempt, no matter how feeble, at taking off ten before Christmas. I like to call this the "Burberry Fit Club Challenge"

Here it is: For all Fit Club Members who try to lose ten pounds before Christmas, you will have the chance to win A BURBERRY GIANT CHECKED CASHMERE SCARF.  Here is the link for that scarf so you know that it really exists. I tried to insert the picture of this cool scarf into this post, but who the f*** am I kidding? That's never going to happen. Just click on the link below (yeah, it seems super long to me too, but let's just go with it) and you can have the chance to win this fabulous scarf.  Retail value: $335 American 
http://s7ondemand1.scene7.com/s7ondemand/zoom/flasht_zoom.jsp?company=Burberry&windowtitle=us.burberry.com &zoomwidth=412&zoomheight=544&viewer=/skins/Burberry/SWFs/GSI_blank_load.swf&vc=codeRoot%3D%2Fis%2Dviewers%2Fflash%2F&sku=p5769774
You know you want this Burberry scarf. I know I do... One size fits all, unisex (they had a dude wearing it in the picture, ok, he was probably a French dude, but still), pure cashmere and it screams--"I'm old school cool". The Burberry scarf in the camel is the classic, timeless, perfect accessory that you know you've always wanted, but didn't want to have to buy for yourself. Well, now you don't have to. Dave McKeon is buying it for you.  But you must follow the rules.

Here are the Rules:

1. You MUST officially enroll in the Fit Club, by emailing me, or better yet, by commenting on the blog. Do not ask me how to comment, because I do not know how. On  my computer, you can just hit the comment button. My sister Wendy swears that there is no comment button on her screen. I can't help you with that. If I were you, I'd ask Sara Pond how to do it. She is the best commenter of all. Phone calls and verbal entreaties do not count. I need electronic proof of your intent to be a Fit Club Member. We are not giving this scarf to just anybody. Please, please try to enroll via the blog comment section because I really like getting comments and it makes the blog look active.
2. You MUST make a legitimate effort to lose weight. I'm not talking starvation here, just a good, slightly above half-assed try. (follow my lead on that one). You don't actually have to lose 10 pounds...And I'm not going to weigh you, track you or beat you up. You're all grown ups, just do your best...ish...
3. You  MUST report on your progress on a regular basis by commenting on the blog. We will all follow the same format... just report how many pounds you've lost if any. No one other than me has to confess that you are gaining weight. This isn't about humiliation, just good, positive, bribing encouragement.
4. You MUST provide at least one diet tip to the blog. Funny, effective, ridiculous tips I don't care. Just give keep them coming. I already have one from Wanda. (she's is currently out in front on the scarf-a-thon, but every body has a fair and equal shot. However, I cannot not be clearer when I say: NO tip, NO scarf. 
5. You can provide as many tips and updates as you want. The more tips, the more comments, the better.
6. The WINNER of the scarf will be determined by me, based on number of comments, quality of comments and number of pounds lost. Sure, it's utterly and totally subjective, but I will give HUGE weight (pun intended) to the comments and diet tips and less to the actual pounds lost. So, everyone has an equal shot to win, by regularly pounding the blog, reporting your diet progress and providing insightful, useful, comical diet tips.
7. I'm trusting you all to be fairly accurate in your diet progress. We are all living by the Honor Code and I think that scarf will chafe and choke you, if you win it through cheating. Remember, pounds lost is only one piece of winning the scarf. Number and quality of comments counts even more. 
8. The contest ends on Dec. 24th
9. The contest begins today, Nov. 4th
10. You can only enroll once, with one name (no fake names, Chris McKeon--you can't win this scarf, see restrictions)
11. The contest is open to all comers.  You certainly don't have to know me to win. Totally not. And frankly, you may have a better chance if you don't know me....
12. Restrictions Apply:

Here are the restrictions:

• The following people are not eligible for the Burberry Fit Club Challenge: Annie, Chris, Jack, Nate, Pete or Posey McKeon--sorry, shids. Jane McTernan--too skinny already--but feel free to add some diet tips, you obviously know what you are doing. Amy Parker--you're pregnant--Don't even think about it. Any other pregnant or too skinny person.
• You have to follow the rules. I'm not kidding

Good luck. This is totally legit. You know that I am good for it, and have already purchased the  scarf today. It is on it's way and will stay in it's original packaging until someone wins this super, super exciting challenge. Just think, you can begin the new year a few pounds lighter and sporting a very awesome Burberry scarf. Onnce again, you're welcome. JOIN THE FIT CLUB TODAY...

Today's Top Ten:

1. Dave McKeon--source of the P*ssy List, funder of the Burberry Fit Club Challenge. Gotta love him.
2. The new Jan Karon book. Even though I seem like a total heathen, I really like those Fr. Tim books. this time they go to Ireland. It's very nice, calm reading.
3. The knit ruffle gloves from Nordstrom--great price point, super useful
4. Potato soup--filling, nutricious, delicious and cheap. We ate a vat of it this week--I have GOT to get those 2 extra pounds off
5. Posey's new lace up Burberry boots--you have to see them to believe them. I mean it. I know they are a huge extravagence, but they are really more for me than for her.
6. The five dollar turtlenecks from Target--a huge hit last year. Let's hope they restock
7. Jill Wasalevich Vitkus--she is probably the nicest person I've ever met, except possibly her mother Mary
8. The Woodstock Inn in Vermont--go there, you will love it.
9. Sara Pond--the best commenter
10. The Burberry Fit Club Challenge--be a part of something awesome, join the Challenge today.