"Mrs. McKeon, we have your son here..."

Well, well, well....Did you all notice that I put a photo in my profile section? Pretty slick, huh? It is of me and the shids because I do not know how to crop it to be just me.  We look like a total bunch of pinheads in the picture, but that's ok...we look like a total bunch of pinheads in real life.

A big bloggy thank you to followers 50-52.  Judy Pulera once again comes through. Now, my new goal is to have 2000 total hits. I'm sitting at about 1800, which is 1750 more than I ever thought I would get, so I think, with a little effort from all of us, 2000 hits is well within our reach....AND we have many (ok, a few) international hits ( I am giving the Aults credit for these)...Shalom to you, my hitter (?--is that what you call them?) from Israel. And thanks to those kind, kind followers for their comments. I cannot tell you the joy it brings me to get a comment or two...While I realize that my last post painted me as a total OCD nut job, (truth hurts), I just want to note, in a little bit of redemption,  that though I cannot sleep with a nun, I would totally eat a Caramello Bar right off of a city sidewalk (if it was mine to start with, and hadn't been sitting there for too long, and no one was watching...), so there you go.  I appreciate others owning up to their own creep out fears--Box Elder Bugs and unsightly facial hair...add them to the list.....on to today's topic...

The other day, Pete "Tinkerbelle" McKeon came home from school "sick". He does this from time to time, mostly because he hates school. And that Pete, he is a wily one...He always claims to have thrown up ("Mrs. Chiannelli, I just threw up in the bathroom. Can you call my mom to come and get me?") which , as he well knows, is the universal "Get Out of Jail" Free card, because even the bitchiest mom, (me) can't really tell the school secretary to just give him a tylenol and send him back to class ( my standard line) when throw up is involved....However, particularly in Pete's case, no one ever actually SEES this throw up....Because, I am pretty damn sure, there is no throw up.. His brother Chris, on the other hand, always provided incontrovertible, visual evidence that he was sick. Once, when I got the call and finally went to pick him up, Chris was vomiting so profusely that they actually sent him home with the garbage can, (one of those big metal school ones), a spare bag, and told us to please not bring the can back...Now that's the sort of undeniable proof I'm looking for before going to pick up an allegedly sick kid... But no, when I pull up to pick up Pete, he comes skipping out of school, not a garbage can or bag in sight...Classic Pete....nicely played, Peter Bueller...don't get too used to it....I am on to you...

However, it got me thinking...there are certain opening lines, that the minute you hear them  .."Hello, Mrs. McKeon, this is Nancy Chianelli from St. Joes and we've got Pete in the office..." you know it's not going to be good news. Below are some other conversation starters that never end well...

• "Are you sitting down?"
• "The check is in the mail.."
• "Just follow these simple instructions..."
• "It's self explanatory..."--Mike Mcternan and the RSS Feed...
• "You can't miss it"....(oh, yes I can. I will drive right by...repeatedly)
• "You'll see it right away"
• "Just follow me"  --this is how Dave McKeon attempted to teach me to ski
• "Can you do me a big favor?"
• "Can I put you on hold for just one quick second?"
• "Laurie, this is Ted from Johnson Bank...."
• " Do you drive a gray Denali? Was is parked on the street?"
• "What do you use to get blood out of clothes?"
• "Where is the Mr. Clean?"
• "Do we own another hose?"
• "Do you have a spare key to the van?"
• "Are poinsettias really poisonous?"
• "How many of these am I supposed to take?"
• "To hear this message in English, press one."
• "Your father wants to speak to you..."
• "Did you put that check in the mail?"
• "How much did you like that vase from Grandma?"
• "Have you seen my cell phone?"
• "Mom, where is that ski-mask?"
• "I'm holding it for a friend"
• "Mrs. McKeon, we have your son here..."
• "Laurie, this is Principal Ed Kovochich from St. Joes..."
• "Can I see your license and registration?"
• "What do you mean there's no Santa Claus?"
• "You don't know how to  get on Power School yet, do you?"
• "Mom, he's lying..."
• "Do you know how fast you were going?"
• "Is dad out of town?"
• "How long does it take to replace a windshield? just hypothetically..."
• "Is dad still out of town?"
• "Please don't tell dad.."
• "I forgot to tell you..."
• "What beer can?..."
• "Is that the last donut?"
• "Don't take this the wrong way, but..."
• "No offense, but..."
• "God rest her soul..."
• "What takes scratches off of a car door?"
• "Did dad ever use that Nike putter?"
• "How permanent are permanent markers?"
• "Where's the crazy glue?"
• "Do you remember that night last month? When I had that third margarita?...
• "Is the plus sign supposed to be blue?..."
• "Do you have that on backward?"
• "Have you seen Pete?"
• "What time were we supposed to pick up Nate?"
• "Is Posey in your car?"
• "Is this your son?"
• "Is this your dog?"
• "This is going to cost you..."
• "You have insurance don't you?"
• "You didn't buy the warranty?"
• "Don't open the back of my car.."
• "It wasn't my fault..."
• "The teacher hates me.."
• "The counselor wants to talk to you..."
• "How many points can you get before they suspend your license?"
• "Will you accept a collect call from the Kenosha County Correctional Center?"
• "The VISA Bill came today...
• "Can you explain something to me?"
• "It's not about the money..."
• "What the hell were you thinking?"
• "Just step up on the scale"
• "This will only take a minute.."
• "Do you floss regularly?"
• "Please hold, the doctor wants to speak with you..."
• "When was your last check up?"
• "I heard something pop in my back..."
• "We don't take a VISA..."
• "You didn't hit save?"
• "You have a back up drive, right?"
• "This is Time Warner Cable..."
• "This is a reverse alert from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department"
• "Did you lock the front door?"
• "All operator's are busy"
• "Are you sure you had an appointment today?"
• "Your financial planner is on CNN...with a coat over his head"
• "You may not remember me..."
• "Is that your grandson?"
• "What year did you graduate?"
• "Do you remember that Enron stock we bought?"
• "This flight is over booked"
• "And this entire photo album is our trip to Nebraska..."
• "What happened to your first wife?"
• "Are all of these kids yours?"

and so on....now, Today's Top Ten:

1. The pinwhale courderoy wrap dress from Bella Bliss that I bought Posey
2. POSH--great and funky store on State Street in Chicago. They also have a good website
3. Tim Nickels---manning up and running the Chicago Marathon this weekend for like the 100th time AND it's his birthday.  Happy Birthday, go run 26 miles--enjoy that, sucka...
4. Emily Chiappetta--running  it for the First Time...god speed
5. Kyle Bailey--Emily's boyfriend who became her marathon training partner when her first partner went down.. .Way to make all the other boyfriends look bad.
6. Snyder's big sour dough pretzels
7. Aunt Dorothy Wasalevich--she knows why
8. J. Crew Cashmere long sleeved t-shirts--a wardrobe staple
9. Big, letter blocks from Garnet Hill
10. Brilliance Cleaning --hands down the best cleaning service around. Dorota and her Polish crew come in, clean like whirlwinds, leave quietly and best of all, they don't speak English...In the words of Maggie Nickels: "Poland must be the cleanest country in the world..."

Have a great weekend, don't forget to comment, and remember 2000 hits or bust.