Birth Order

Bloggity, blog, blog, blog.  Last Wednesday was Annie McKeon's 21st Birthday!!! Which is totally amazing to me, given that I recently just turned 39...ish. Because Annie is my favorite--(well, definitely in the top three...just deal with it, Chris. Maybe if you bring home a 4.0, you can move up in the power rankings, but Jack "Scary Mohawk" McKeon is stealthily climbing up the ranks. Nate, are you hearing footsteps???...Pete, just please continue to go to school and we will all be happy...) I pulled Posey (a perennial top three) out of school, drove to Notre Dame and surprised Annie with a late birthday lunch. I actually bought her her first legal drink (a pomegranate martini, let's just start her off right). Her brother Chris was along for his usual burger and fries, and a good time was had by all. In typical Annie McKeon fashion, she spent a significant portion of our lunch studying for a 3:00 quiz. She was also planning on having a quick Birthday dinner with her friends and then completing a paper she had due on Friday. She was pacing her birthday partying to culminate with our big rocking tailgate on Saturday. Or maybe she was just telling me that, so we continue to fund her college education. Either way, it is working...because of course, she is a first born.

The other day, I was talking to Sr. Virginia, an 80+ year old, old-school nun who taught English at St. Joseph High School for like 50 years. Sr. Virginia was asking about Annie who she adored, and was mocking Chris, who she could barely tolerate...(shocker there), and filling me in on the very mediocre caliber of Jack's college essay.(son of shocker) During our conversation, (where my role is to reply: "Yes, Sister" to everything she says) she regaled me with this fun fact...Studies have shown that in large families, first borns have the highest IQs and then it starts to erode from there....Interesting,... and frightening, As the youngest of five, I beg to differ, (have you met my sister Amy??She is way dumber than me) but I do believe there is something valid in the whole birth order thing...Not on the part of the kid, necessarily, but on the part of the parent. The further down the line, the less energy, interest and effort you put in....Really, it's a wonder that in larger families, the younger children aren't taken away by DCFS...seriously. In the infamous words of my sister Wendy, when her youngest daughter Grace was little and doing something sort of dangerous that she would have been all over with her older three..."Really, we're just too old and worn out to raise a four year old again..."

You know you are a first born if:

• You have a baby book
• And somebody actually filled it out
• You have completed shot records
• You have a ton of baby photos
• Someone remembers your first word--Annie's was "hi", Chris' was "golf club"(Dave McKeon played a TON of golf in those days, sporting a 4 handicap and leaving clubs all over the house). All the other kids' first word was "daddy", because it seems to make sense and could very possibly be true.
• Someone remembers on what day of the week you were born
• Your parents were super excited when you took your first step
• You always had a Halloween costume
• No one forgot your birthday
• You had birthday parties with kids who weren't related to you
• You had brand new school supplies
• Your first name was written on the labels in your clothes and supplies instead of just "McKeon"
•  You had shin guards that fit
• You were only allowed to watch PBS
• No one bribed you to let them sleep in
• You had a hot breakfast
• Your mom cried when you went to kindergarten
• The tooth fairy came the day you lost your tooth
• You never missed a kindermusic class
• Both your parents went to school conferences
• Your dad played catch with you
• Your mom knew all the kids in your class and their parents
• Both parents watched your music program, and they brought a video camera, with batteries...
• A parent watched your ball games---from the stands as opposed to from the car
• Your dad or mom coached your team
• Your parent remembered to bring the snack
• Your mom put little notes in the lunch she lovingly packed for you 
• No one forgot you at school
• Your parents were excited to attend your preschool graduation
• Your parents actually showed up for grade school graduation (sorry, Pete)
• Your parents brought the camera to your events...and it had batteries
• Your mom made sure you hit all the  major developmental milestones

True Story...Pete McKeon (McKeon number five) did not walk until he was twenty months old...for those of you (like Dave McKeon) who have no idea when a baby is supposed to walk, this is like 10 months later than your average baby. If this had been Annie, I would have demanded a neurological consult, hired a physical therapist, configured a developmentally appropriate exercise plan, and lost decades worth of sleep wondering if we would have to get a special wheelchair for her high school prom. But thank God, it was Pete and I seriously couldn't have cared less. His lack of mobility made him easier to catch and corral, and frankly, given that he spent most of the day in a car seat, infant seat, crib or a headlock, it's a wonder that he ever learned to walk at all. Not only did I not demand a consult, I kept cancelling and resheduling his 15 and 18 month check ups, because I didn't want to have to admit to the pediatrician that he couldn't walk. I was afraid the doctor would make me take him to a specialist to get him checked out. I figured that if he wasn't walking by kindergarten, I'd look into it.

• You got piano lessons--and someone made you practice
• Your parents actually played that goddamn Suzuki tape
• You got dance lessons
• You got balanced meals
• You took complete naps
• Your babysitter was CPR certified and an ex preschool teacher
• Your parents used a baby monitor (by the third kid, we threw ours out. Hell, if they cry loud enough, you will eventually hear them. And if it's not that loud, you don't need to know)
• Your pants fit
• You went to the doctor the first day you were sick
• Your mittens matched your hat
• You owned rain boots AND snow boots
• You had snow pants that weren't black
• Your mom put thought into your teacher's Christmas gifts
• Your mom baked for bake sales (rather than just sending in money, to cover what profit the baked goods would have yielded--a little trick I learned from MY mom)
• You had a complete set of golf clubs (Nate is still playing with clubs from an old set of mine and some random clubs from Dave's mom)
• You took swimming lessons during the winter
• Your mom or dad taught you how to ride a bike 
• You owned more than one bike during your child hood and it had all the necessary pieces
• You owned a musical instrument
• You got a set of team or school photos other than the cheapest package
• You didn't see a PG-13 movie until you were actually 13
• Your parents always called the parents of the kid whose house you were going to
• You went on college visits
• You got a car with seat belts and air bags
• Your mom drove five hours to buy you your first legal drink

You know you are at the end of the line (unless you are Posey McKeon) if:

• The only photographic evidence that proves your childhood existence is in Christmas and school photos
• You were put to sleep on your stomach
• You learned to cry yourself to sleep
• You always shared a bath tub
• You always shared a room
• Your bottles were never sterilized
• You sucked your thumb, fingers, a pacifier and your parents were glad
• Your car seat was in an accident and no one replaced it
• Your stroller was full of cracker crumbs
• Santa stopped wrapping the big gifts
• Santa stopped bringing anything that required batteries or assembly
• Santa started leaving cash and gift cards
• You were allowed to touch knives
• You ate candy before you had teeth
• You had to share a twenty piece chicken nugget pack with your brother, because it was cheaper than individual Happy Meals
• When the goats at the zoo attacked your stroller, your parents were laughing so hard they didn't stop them from licking your face and eating your ice cream cone.  Your dad actually took photos.
• Your big sister walked you into your first day of school
• Your parents blew off your high school graduation Mass, because they'd seen it one too many times
• Your parents were "out of town" for soccer parents night
• Your "best" art work never got framed
• Your only professional photographs were your senior pictures
• You never got to ride shot gun
• You never had a window
• You were always in the third seat
• You had a used back pack
• You never had a sleeping bag, and had to use an old comforter
• You got a set of ear tubes on your first birthday (Sorry, Nate)
• Your mom drank too much wine on your fourth birthday to finish making your cake (Sorry again,Nate)
• You saw the movie Teledaga Nights when you were in preschool
• You could quote Tommy Boy word for word when you were in kindergarten
• You hated the Teletubbies
• You always had to play with the old Barbie, and be the "mother-in-law" (Does this make you feel the least bit guilty, Wendy?)
• You never got the blue toothbrush
• You never got the prize out of the cereal box unless you were sick
• Your parents never checked your home work
• No one ever quizzed you on spelling words
• If you didn't make a lot of noise, no one ever made you go to bed
• You never had a tree house
• Your basketball hoop didn't have a net
• Your swing set was no long anchored in the ground
• Your bike had a flat tire for most of your childhood
• You had to use a left handed mitt, because your older brother is a lefty
• You never had a new winter coat
• Your mittens never matched your coat, or each other
• You never had a new gym uniform
• You were late for First Communion
• Your birthday was on July 3rd and your parents convinced you for years that the fireworks and party at the Country Club the next day were for your birthday (Sorry, Pete)
• You never got a new suit
• Your school pants were high waters by February, and no one cared
• Your Godparents were drunken heathens, but they lived in town, were around that day and were willing to put on some dress clothes, 
• You had to share a birthday cake with your cousin
• Your parents forgot you at practice
• You missed your fifth grade check up
• You wrote your own Parent letter for the Confirmation retreat
• You always wore used loafers (this is why Nate hates new shoes, he's so used to worn in ones)
• You  had an eighty year old baby sitter who smoked, but was always available on Saturday nights
• You packed your own lunch
• You had to pack your siblings lunches, too
• You know how to forge your mom's name, and she lets you (C'mon, who's got time to sign all of those syllabuses and class rules?)
• You were always the catcher
• Your mom paid you $20 to teach your self how to ride a bike and doubled it, if you learned in a day
• Your lost tooth stayed under your pillow for weeks, and when the tooth fairy finally showed up she paid you in quarters and IOUs.
• You could make Ramen Noodles in first grade
• You started sewing on your own buttons in third grade (Jack)
• You started charging your siblings to sew on theirs in fourth grade
• You spent several Halloweens dressed as a Hobo or a housewife
• Your big brother taught you to pitch
• Your big brother taught you how to do a lay up
• Your big brother taught you how to drive
• Your big sister explained the facts of life
• When you cut your leg in summer gym, you drove yourself to the hospital to get stitches
• You broke your nose, but never bothered to tell your parents because you knew they would just tell you to suck it up
• Your car door was held shut by a big, plastic candy cane
• You drove yourself to your college interviews
• You drove yourself to Louisville for a basketball tournament
• You drove yourself and three of your brothers to a tennis tournament in Indianapolis
• And stayed by yourselves in a hotel for three days
• You filled out your own emergency paper work for school
• You stopped asking for a dog
• Your mom was never your room mother
• Your mom can't remember the names of any of your friends
• Your mom doesn't care if you have any friends
• Your parents never bought you anything, let alone your first legal drink

Happy 21st Birthday, Annie.  You get all the good stuff. Don't rub it in.

Today's Top Ten:

1. Billy "the Car Topper" and Rodney "The Urban Cowboy" , the two drunken Australian who came and stayed at our mega tailgate. (thanks, Kyle Fitzpatrick for bringing a little fun from down under to the show)
2. Mike Johnson's parents--brought some tailgate fun all the way from Maine and were not the least bit intimidated by the masses of humanity clogging Joyce parking lot in the name of the McKeon tailgate
3. Wendy Nickels, who didn't seem to mind when crazy, Aussie Billy was standing on the top of their minivan trying to take a picture of the Nickels' ND flag--thanks for the Birthday balloons, too bad they blew away before the birthday girl could see them
4. The preferred gold seats in the ND stadium--row three?? it was crazy cool
5. Long Island Iced Teas--the Official Drink of the Nickels/McKeon tailgates
6. Tortellini and sausage soup--great for crowds and according to Dave McKeon "fucking delicious"
7. Kimmie Westphal--turned 21 AND has the stigmata to prove it
8. The sterling silver Tiffany signet ring--an ageless, timeless, classic
9. Jane McTernan--Happy 35th Birthday to you
10. Chipotle--burritos in a box.  BIG tailgate favorite, they opened early to feed our drunken crowd..you're welcome.

I'd like to mention a very fine man who died last week--Larry Siegfried, former Ohio State basketball player, former Celtic, winner of five NBA titles and the husband of our favorite preschool teacher, Tina Siegfried. When Chris was applying to Princeton, one of the questions asked was "what is your most prized possession?" Chris replied with no hesitation "My  Larry Siegfried autographed basketball". OK, it didn't get him into Princeton, but Larry Siegfried was a total class act, with a crazy work ethic and a broad influence on many, many people. Please keep Larry, Tina and their girls in your prayers.  They will certainly be in ours.

The big shids are home this week on Fall Break, busting my chops and begging for food and courderoys... I'll post soon.  Keep the faith, keeping hitting the blog---almost 2500 hits and counting.. ..

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