"We're not having enough fun"

Since starting this blog, and particularly since starting the Burberry Fit Club Challenge, I have been laughing my ass off. I must admit, I am having a frighteningly good time with all of this bloggity goodness. I hope all of you are enjoying it, too, because, not meaning to get all sentimental here, life is short, and we all need to have a big, bunch of fun. I have always been a huge proponent of fun and goofing off. (who isn't? this is kind of like saying, I have always been a huge proponent of oxygen...) But, often fun get pushed aside for all of those other competing concerns like food, shelter, healthcare, orthodontia, Haiti, bad haircuts, ACT results, bed bugs, the economic slow down, peace in the middle east, TSA pat downs, antibiotic resistant germs and high fructose corn syrup. I'd like to take the time, in this very post today, to remind us all, to have more fun. Stop obsessing about your job, kids, house, car, 401K (or lack thereof), investments, the deficit.and tort reform and go out and have some fun. I'm not advocating illegal, immoral, destructive or even expensive fun, but just a little attitudinal adjustment. I think right now, as we head into the Holiday season, focusing on some light hearted, well intentioned enjoyment rather than on the doom and gloom of the every day struggle would serve us all well. Hey, that dark shit is always going to be there, I'm not saying to deny it, or be irresponsible about your obligations, but I am saying, keep it in its place, put it in perspective and go out there and enjoy your damn life. Today...

A long time ago, when Dave McKeon first started making some legit money, we went to visit a financial planner that his dad recommended. Remember, this was back in the go-go nineties, when the economy was booming, everybody was making money hand over fist and the McKeon's had access to a corporate jet (shit, I miss that jet). So, we go to this kind of stodgy firm in the city and meet with this very nice man, who is being overly solicitous to us because Dave's dad was a very good client of the firm, and the man says to us: "So, what are your financial goals?" And I say: "I'd like to have as much fun as humanly possible without totally jeopardizing our retirement or the kids' college prospects." He was some what taken aback and said to me: "No one  has ever said that before." (You would be surprised how often I hear that phrase, along with "you are my best customer"--much to Dave McKeon's chagrin). But I  totally meant it, and still do. Not sure if I've actually jeopardized our retirement, (it's debatable) or the kids' college fund (I think Pete will be very excited about attending college on a ROTC scholarship...) but I have had a many, many fun and memorable moments, both big and  small over the years and am recommitting myself to having some more.

***Big and True Disclaimer*** While we did indeed live large in the 90s, (hey, Nancy, do you remember that trip to Pebble Beach with 18 pieces of luggage, not counting the golf clubs?), and had a veritable blast, all of those high end, high jinks business write off days came to a screeching halt by the early 2000s, as the IRS cracked down on corporate perks (curse you, IRS), stock deals and options were held more closely, Dave started his own business, our kids got way more expensive, college tuition went up 200% and  all those bubbles started bursting (dot.coms, real estate, medicine, blah, blah, blah). We have a very comfortable, I'm certainly not complaining, but do not for one hot second think that we are floating on a sea of cash or rolling in the Benjamins. We are not. And even more importantly, don't go asking Dave McKeon for any money because I've already tried it and it's not going to happen. He is a huge proponent of this whole new austerity, belt tightening economy and is imposing that credo to his home life as well as his corporate life. I can understand it, but it still doesn't stop me from missing the corporate jet...****

When we lived in Ohio,  we were always cooking up some fun. My friend Nancy (of the 18 pieces of luggage fame) would call me and say "We're not having enough fun" and then we'd plan some bogus adventure or party or event to liven up the week. As the economy has tanked, the news is bleak, the weather is getting colder, it would be easy to turn your life to gray and block out the fun. I'm telling you straight here: don't do that. Call a few friends, order a few pizzas, buy a cheesy movie on Direct TV, and let the fun shine in. Below is a list of a few fun filled activities for you and your posse to enjoy--some are family friendly, some not so much. You can figure out which is most appropriate for your Holiday season. And because I know that you are all saving your pennies to buy your wives, girlfriends, sweethearts, mothers, parole officer,...a super, awesome, heartfelt, loving Christmas gift, while bringing you hours of sidesplitting enjoyment, none of these activities will break the bank. You're welcome. ...

• have a ping pong tournament
• have a beer pong tournament (only for those over 21...this means you, Chris McKeon)
• play poker
• play jenga
• play "drunk" jenga (only for those over 21....this game is officially copywritten by Kim Westphal)
• play Scrabble
• play profanity Scrabble
• watch old Christmas movies...White Christmas, Holiday Inn, It's a Wonderful Life, ...
• watch new Christmas movies...Fred Claus, Four Christmases, Elf, ("Santa, I know him") even those ones with Tim Allen
• get a big box, hide in it, jump out and scare your friends--I've seen the video of this, and for some reason, it kept those boys in St. Ed's hall amused for hours....
• go see a movie with a group of friends..lots of good holiday fare out there
• play spoons
• play drunk spoons
• play Scattagories...but not with my sister Wendy. She will bite your head off, and get you kicked out of your hotel with her highly competitive and really noisy tactics...
• play flag football outside--just like the Kennedys'...but not at my sister Wendy's or she will not let you back in her house with your stinky clothes and muddy shoes...true story...
• have a Turkey Bowl flag football tournament with your buds
• run the Turkey Trot, with your buds
• deck the halls...with your buds
• buy some carpet skates...these are the greatest, cheapest toy ever...fun for the whole family
• make homemade pizza with a big group of friends, kind of messy, but very fun
• have a soup off, chili cook off, or pasta sauce off...food and fun...do you hear me, Laurie Rafferty, I'm talking to you....
• hook up your ipod with some high octane music and have a dance party....fyi...people dance more when fueled with Long Island Iced Teas...fyi2...for those of you in the Fit Club, dancing is great exercise...
• Go window shopping
• Go get Hot Chocolate or Coffee
• Go Ice Skating
• Watch other People fall down ice skating
• Have a Secret Santa with your friends
• Invite all of your buddies over to watch all of the old episodes of Modern Family, Friday Night Lights or Mad Men. that can be easily purchased on your television...provide cheap eats...see below...
• Gather the crowd for some cheap eats: Nothing says fun like Little Ceaser Pizza, the Box of Burritos from Chipotle, the Family Feast from KFC or a bunch of Jimmy Johns...
• Hop a cheap flight to Vegas (not kidding, there are some super cheap flights out there...)
• Hop a cheap flight anywhere. Best way to change your mental state is to leave town and recharge
• Go see Santa...He will make you happy....I recommend the one at the Bloomingdale's Mall in Chicago...short lines, cute surroundings
• Call a friend and meet for lunch
• Go our to breakfast (cheap meal, great way to start the day) with your favorite people
• Meet up for holiday cocktails
• Mix up some holiday cocktails and have your friends bring over some appetizers--pigs in a blanket,  cocktail meatballs, cheeseball and crackers...the usual
• Read any book by David Sedaris
• Get that "Crafts for Poor People Book" by his sister Amy
• Make some of the crafts in that book
• Not really, unless you really like that whole crafty thing...
• Rent any stupid movie, mute it and make up your own words
• Join the Fit Club, it's not too late, and we are all having a "all the live long day" blast...
• Read this always fun and exciting blog....or just read Mark the Shark Titus's one, It's super funny.

Obviously, the reoccurring theme here is getting a group of people together and letting the fun flow. You don't have to do anything fancy, don't have to spend a bunch of money, you just have to be committed to having a good time. Fourth quarter earnings are going to suck anyway, so you might as well enjoy yourself as your portfolio goes to hell..because "we're not having enough fun."


Burberry Fit Club Challenge Update: the Burberry Fit Club is still going strong and though I did not lose any weight this weekend, the good news is, I haven't gained any...progress at this point. Judy and Louis are neck and neck (pun) for the scarf, Excellent strategy to continue posting comments every day...other competitors take note...Angela is right up there, playing the Afghanistan card with abandon. Her sister Emily is ratting her out, but there is nothing I love more than pitting sister against sister. Speaking of which, Casey and Jeannie are adding their comments, and I must admit, I want to see and feel this 23 pound baby...Jeannie, send a photo and I will put it on the blog...Tina Lampe has proven to a consistent contender and is actually losing weight...nice...Cheryl Parise is an up and comer, she will not be denied, and has many useful diet tips, especially those involving Mangia and 64s. Frank, I don't know how you lost ten pounds already, but I am jealous.


Thanksgiving is looming, and we are basically down to our last month of Fit Club Challenge. Now is the time to ramp it up, suck it up, and buckle down for Burberry. C'mon, Clubbers, don't give up now...Let's go, Ponds, keep those comments coming...I'm waiting to hear a little more from the fabulous Nicole, and a few others...It is still anyone's game (this means you, the incredibly silent Maggie Nickels, don't make me call you a gordita). Keep the Challenge in the forefront of your mind this Thanksgiving because you know that Judy and Louis will be eating white turkey meat and tuna on Thursday...Keep those comments coming...


Today's Top Ten:

1. Nancy Joyce--the best hostess, the best fun, the best friend...
2. Blue Cheese stuffed olives--please don't tell me these are not diet food...they are sooo delicious
3. PURE cashmere--great catalgue and website, and really good cashmere,
4. Levi s501s,--a classic good look
5. Last week's episode of Glee with Gwyneth Paltrow
6. Kate Middleton---nicely played, Waitey, Katie... good things come to those who wait...and her waiting has brought her a Prince...a real one, with a castle and everything....well done 
7. Kate Middleton's dad--way to go, getting Prince Charles to pick up the tab for your daughter's wedding
8. Ben Silver--super old school men's wear catalogue--
9. William Arthur Christmas cards--order them from my friend Roger, he's the master
10. Amanda Clingen--took our Christmas photo, took Annie to the ND game in Yankee Stadium, and wasn't too embarassed to shoot photos in an ice cream parlor...thanks...

Enjoy the post, enjoy the day, now get out there and have some fun...just make sure to invite me...


BTW--the scarf is here, the scarf is beautiful, the scarf wants to go home with you....

That Ship Has Sailed

As promised, I am writing a post that is not all Fit Club, All day...However, don't miss the latest Burberry Fit Club Challenge News at the end of this post, right before the Top Ten.

Yesterday, I dropped my ten year old daughter off at a birthday party. It was a very cute party at a knitting store where all of the girls were given a ball of yarn, some needles and knitting instructions. (I seriously hope Posey figures this knitting thing out, because if the Burberry Fit Club Challenge keeps up the way it's going, she may be knitting up some consolation prizes...). One of the Mom's asked if I could knit. I explained to her that I had tried it once, actually took a few knitting lessons, bought all the knitting paraphernalia and never managed to knit more than two rows of the hat I was assigned to make. I was basically a knitter quitter. She sympathized, noting her own knitting deficiencies and then said, "Well, maybe we can have a remedial knitting workshop to get better". I turned to her and replied:" I am getting older every single day, I have come to the realization, that with the four or five decades that I have left on this earth, I will never learn to knit, and really, I'm ok with that..." Though she was some what taken aback by my bluntness, I have recently come to the liberating conclusion that there are many, many human endeavors that I will never, ever do and I should just come clean about that and stop acting like I will ever do them. Don't you all have certain things that have been in the back of your mind for years that you wanted to do, (buy a Harley, join a steel drum band, run a marathon), things you think you should know how to do, (make your own bread, sew your own curtains, dig a well in Uganda), or things that you think that you may want to do (be an astronaut, break dance, be in a play), or that sound really cool to have done (climb Mt Everest, build a barn, catch a shop lifter) but you've never gotten around to them?

****Breaking News****: A woman from the Chase Bank Visa Fraud Division just called to tell me that someone was using my Visa number for skype transactions...to purchase about $500 worth of techie sort of stuff..(obviously they knew it wasn't me, because I don't know wtf skype really is, let alone how to use it, and I would never buy anything electronic...)Though the card is still in my possession, someone has the number, security code and everything else.  This is not the first time someone has stolen my card and bought shit, and I must commend Chase for always notifying me. The good news is, they can get me a new card by tomorrow. The bad news is that they can get me a new card tomorrow. When Dave McKeon was informed of this situation he asked me to call the woman back and tell her to hold off on doing anything drastic as he would rather take his chances with the thief during the Holiday season than with me--HoHoHo, very funny.


Back to the blog--As I was saying, it struck me that I am currently at a point in my life where there are many things like the knitting that I will just never learn, know or do...Either they are impossible, illogical, illegal, or I've just lost interest...This is not to say that there aren't still tons of things that I will learn (like how to have a blog, how to lose ten pounds, how to put up a tailgating tent while rain is blasting in my face, how to sign a book deal...), but I am forced to recognize, that unlike in my twenties when everything, even really stupid things like running with the Bulls in Pamplona, seemed quite possible, there are now many, many things that I can safely say will just never f***ing happen.

Please understand, I'm totally fine with that. I'm pretty sure if it were something I was dying to do, I would have done it, or will eventually do it (write a book for money) but for some oddball reason, I just find it somewhat interesting to assess all of the possibilities that no longer remotely exist for me. Things that I know I will never, ever do. It's not like a bucket list, because I'm not planning on dying or anything, but more like a "no longer in contention list"  I'm not even saying that these are things that I ever actually wanted to do, but now I just know that these are things that I will NEVER do...the ship has sailed on me ever:

• Knitting, sewing, crocheting, macraming, decoupaging, or any other crafty type shit
• Starting the snow blower
• Mowing my own lawn
• Being Miss America
• Being Miss USA--the one without the talent
• Driving a stick..used to kind of want to know how, now I have no interest as I fear it will make me eligible to be the one to drive the U-Haul every time one of my kids gets evicted or wants to move. (Yes, of course I  know that this makes me a p*ssy....)
• Using the grill
• Qualifying for the Boston Marathon
• Being in the Olympics--even as a curler or archer (I seriously used to think, not really all that long ago, that I could possibly do one of these two things in the Olympics)
• Learning how to wall paper
• Learning how to dry wall
• Becoming a gourmet chef
• Balancing my check book
• Entering the checks I actually write
• Building a robot
• Building  my own computer
• Hell, fixing  my own computer
• Building much of anything, really
• Being a Fireman
• Being a doctor
• Being the President
• Being the First Lady--not that I wouldn't love it...
• Winning the Nobel Prize
• Winning a Tony--may still pull off an Emmy or Oscar, if my book is made into a movie...
• Hanging out with Babe Paley, Slim Keith and Truman Capote
• Eating at the 21 Club
• Being featured on Town and Country's Wedding Page
• Switching to Vonage
• Being a Vegan
• Being a Hippie
• Driving a Vespa
• Swimming the English Channel
• Naming a disease or syndrome
• Discovering a planet
• Reading the entire works of William Faulkner
• Understanding anything written by James Joyce--yeah, yeah, the Patron Saint of Irish Literature...
• Spending a semester abroad
• Renting an apartment with my BFFs for the semester
• Measuring my life by the semester
• Getting  my first job
• Backpacking through Europe
• Backpacking anywhere
• Understanding String Theory
• Caring about String Theory --unless it actually involves clothes
• Being able to pick out any constellation other than the Big Dipper
• Reading a compass
• Calculating a variable interest rate
• Marrying Cary Grant
• Playing State League Tennis
• Winning a footrace against one of my sons
• Being a Notre Dame Cheerleader
• Opening a methadone clinic
• Learning to play the bagpipes--it would be so cool though...
• Learning to play the cello---not quite as cool, but ...
• Learning any musical instrument
• Learning another Language --I am already fluent in English and Profanity, that's plenty
• Learning to play bridge
• Learning to shoot craps
• Doing my own taxes
• Drivng a train
• Riding the subway in DC
• Riding the El in Chicago
• Waterskiing
• Skeet shooting
• Shooting anything
• Going to a Grateful Dead Concert
• Going to a Rolling Stones Concert
• Having my own line of linens--again, would be super cool...
• Having my own line of hair care products
• Getting busted for underaged drinking
• Joining the circus

So listen up all of you youngsters following this blog, if there is something that you think you want to do, know, learn, try, you'd better get on it, because time is ticking away and the next you know, that ship has sailed.

Burberry Fit Club Challenge News:
My personal update: Pounds lost--A big, fat, f***ing zero!! I swear to God I am actually trying. I am working out, eating no big candy bars (ok, there was that bag of licorice, but seriously, I've always eaten bags of licorice), no donuts, even had some salads and NOTHING!! Shit, I can maintain this fat ass weight while stuffing myself with red velvet cupcakes. I'd better see some results soon...Brian Pond, I feel your pain...
In other Fit Club News: Judy and Louis are duking it out with their diet tips.  Nice point/counterpoint. You two may want to get your own blog to continue your scientific analysis of protein...Don't mind the snippy tone, I'm just jealous because you are both losing weight....Angela continues to plug away, Sara Pond is down two, Casey has made some strong comments, Katie needs to turn over the list, Tina Lampe has lost weight, Frank has already dropped ten pounds, but may have put it back on in beverages consumed over the weekend, Maggie and Kristina are at the beach /on a cruise, and Emily is already super fit. I do have some sad news: Kevin Moyer has been disqualified from the Fit Club, because he is so ever loving skinny, that it would seriously be maternal neglect on my part to even allow him to even kid about losing weight. He seriously needs to join the FAT Club. (and if I don't lose any weight soon, I am right behind him) Don't worry, Kevin. I'll be sending you some nice parting gifts... Keep those comments and tips coming. Thanksgiving is fast approaching and we all will need some Fit Club support. 

Today's Top Ten:

1. Kevin Moyer--the first Fit Club Casualty
2. Love Actually--a great  movie, kind of has a holiday theme. Totally underrated
3. Lou Malnati's pizza--maybe this is why I am not losing weight
4. The Drummer Boy song duet with Bing Crosby and David Bowie--instant classic
5. Jetsetter.com--a division of gilt.com, with awesome trips--looking to book St. Croix for Spring Break
6. The Sports Illustrated article about having a college football Div. 1 playoff--man, that would be great
7. Low Fat shrimp and vegetables from New China
8. Shane Frazier from Kenosha Body Boot camp--he thinks he is my secret weapon, but even he couldn't get me to lose 10 pounds--I am fitter, I will give him that, but no less fat
9. Tina Lampe--couldn't be nicer, laughs at my jokes
10. My fraud protection friend from Chase Bank

Don't forget to keep providing comments updating your results and getting your diets tips in...I need to hear from you all. I'm not just going to give this scarf away...

We are having a Fit Club Bonanza!! This blog is going crazy--posts, comments, tips, throw downs, and weight loss galore...I am living the blogger's dream and have all of you to thank for the over 5500 hits and 78 followers. Thank you, thank you very much. Now get back out there and comment. (interesting turn of events: once the blog went all Burberry Fit Club, we lost every international page viewer except Maggie Nickels and her Gorditas in Mexico...I guess those Slovenians and South Koreans really aren't all that interested in fat ass Americans losing weight for luxury accessories while they are forced to build lead bunkers to avoid the nuclear and biochemical fall out from their trigger happy border neighbors)

For those of you who haven't been reading the comments, (you've got to read the comments, as Casey Ferraro pointed out: "They're better than the posts!") but still want to keep score at home, here is the latest in the Burberry Fit Club Challenge: Louis is down five pounds and seems laser focused on victory, Judy Pulera is pounding the weights and the blog, thus tallying lost pounds and many diet tips, Angela worked the angles and enjoyed a huge Veteran's Day advantage, and Nicole Caruso scored big with the Twinkie diet tip (Really??Twinkies and hohos??). My neice Maggie has made some serious noise with her snappy comments and descriptive language (Deaf Auntie Rose and the whole Firecracker thing??--enjoy the beach). And obviously, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as my sister Wendy (once she figured out the comment box) has interjected her fair share of witty reparte. Jean Fredricksen, Tina Lampe,  and Kristi Ambro have all weighed in, along with Casey and her sister Jeannie. Mr. and Mrs. Pond  are holding their own, while Kristina frontloaded her diet comments because she is cruising,...And the whole youth movement of Emily, Frank, Mike Johnson and Kevin will be sorely tested tomorrow with tortellini soup, Chipotle, cupcakes and Long Islands--good luck, kiddies, see you at the Tail gate... Katie Caspar alluded to the "List" that will magically whittle away my 10 pounds of chunk (Show me the List, Katie) and Stacy Spracklin and Tina Burke joined the throw down. Barb Clark and the Stephanies all stated their intent, but have yet to spar with the others and Amy Davidson is still AWOL. I think she fainted trying to follow the Jane McTernan diet...

So far, this whole Challenge has been a total blast for me. I'm not sure if anyone other than Louis and Judy are actually losing weight (myself included) but that's on you....For me, laughing my ass off at your comments is good enough. If you recall, from post one, I declared my intent to use this blog as a tool for my own amusement and let me tell you, I have not been disappointed. The comments are a riot, the intensity, the call outs, and the throw downs are making my day... and I'm not going to  lie to you, seeing that ticker heading toward the sky brings tears of joy to my eyes. And while no one in this competition actually needs to lose weight (or needs a Burberry scarf for that matter), I applaud you all for embracing the challenge and getting me one step closer to a book deal.   (OK--I just have to interject here: I just saw a commercial for a show called "Bridal plasty"--Holy Mother of God, what sort of world are we living in???) I am very excited to see how this Challenge unfolds...many more days, many more plot twists...It is going to be one major league, awesomely, awesome competition...better than March Madness and way better than the World Series...stay tuned. These Fit Club Contenders aren't going any where any time soon...

For those of you who are still struggling to post a comment, I feel for you. (And for Sara Pond, who has opened her tutorial clinic for the blog impaired,) here is my solution: If you cannot yet figure out how to post a comment, just email your clever, smarty, inspiring, bitchy whatever comment to me and I will cut and paste it into the comment section and of course, give you the credit for your special nugget of wisdom. This is what I did for Wendy, and lo and behold, she mastered the comment...I will do this for you, because I do not want anyone to miss out on this once in a lifetime chance to claim total victory in the Burberry Fit Club Challenge. Do not be discouraged, we can work this out...All comers, all welcome..all in for Fitness...Remember, I need to hear from you...It's the comments that count and the comments that will earn you that little piece of Burberry goodness...

For those of you who don't really give a shit about the whole weight loss thing, (obviously our international crowd) I promise that the next post will appeal to all...would post some more, but have to get up in five hours to watch Utah beat the holy crap out of Notre Dame. However, small price to pay for a GREAT tailgate bash....

Today's Top Ten:

1. Patagonia's "down sweater"--it's really a light weight winter coat but feels like you are wearing a cloud
2. Thor-lo running socks
3. Those little tiny Japanese erasers that look like food, animals and tools, but come apart into even smaller pieces--they probably  have a name but I don't know it
4. Wooden jigsaw puzzles (see Wentworth puzzles..they make great gifts...)
5. Gilt.com---this is a web site with an eclectic assortment of items that are on sale for a few days, everything from Stryvictin to baby toys to cool trips...check it out
6. Chris McKeon---he has brought a very unique demographic into the Fit Club and for that I say...number 6
7. Watermelon licorice--this is an amazing food product--****warning****this treat can and will derail your Fit Club diet...
8. This month's Vanity Fair Magazine
9. Hunter boots--the short ones
10. Nora Nickels--way to keep the Swift news coming...and congrats on the Scuba certification

Comments, comments, comments...

Two Posts in One Day?!!

Two posts in one day??!! Yes, you read that right...You can't pay for this kind of high quality entertainment, though I sure wish someone would. I want to take this opportunity to update the Burberry Fit Club Challenge Roster with a few new entries: (Sure, I could put them in a comment, but the post makes them seem so much more official). Names and bios are below:

1. Emily Chiappetta--she's a fighter, she's super fit, she has a penchant for high end accessories and she is young.  Did all the rest of you read between the lines of her seemingly innocent comment about "after the marathon?" that was code for "I just ran a marthon and the rest of you slack asses did not...be very afraid..." She will be tough to beat, but again, may be derailed by her academic aspirations...she and all of those other Notre Dame over achievers (except possibly Louis) will forsake this blog come finals time...Score one for the grownups.
2. Stacy Spracklin--she logged in as her daughter, which may be an innocent mistake or may be a ruse to lull us into a false sense of security regarding her technological skills. She appears to have some experience with losing ten pounds, and obviously knows her weight watchers quotations. I have a feeling that her presence will be felt in this competition.
3. Mike Johnson--Yet another contestant from Steds. If these men band together, they will be a serious force to be reckoned with. However, it appears that they are easily distracted by any sort of alcoholic beverages...nice to know. I like Mike alot, and I like his mom even more...I wish him all the best in the Challenge...and I must admit, I totally laughed out loud at the Jared reference. (However, while I realize it's an accomplishment just to finish a marathon, just like it is an honor to be nominated, Subway Jared ran a five hour and thirteen minute marathon...got beat by Emily Chiappetta, Kyle Bailey, Tim Nickels, John Mattuecci, Oprah and me....)
4. Pete McKeon--for some odd reason, Pete is insisting on being in this Challenge. As he gained three pounds on the first day of the Challenge, and fully acknowleges and concedes that he cannot/will not win the scarf, I figure: What the hell? Let the shid "participate" in the challenge.  It seems to mean a lot to him and he's not hurting anyone...what harm can it do? (I may live to regret these words...)Merry Christmas, Pete.

As a special aside to Nicole Caruso, no one is counting you out of this race, Missy. Keep the comments coming and you will more than hold your own...That goes for everyone in this Challenge. Your commitment to the comment, and frequency in hitting the blog is every bit as important as weight loss and  actual legitimate diet tips. In the interest of full disclosure, while I am totally psyched to help everyone lose weight and provide a super cool scarf to a deserving follower, one of the totally intended effects of this whole contest is for me to lose ten pounds and to drive an obscene amount of traffic to this blog,....so that I get a book deal. It's your classic win-win--the numbers increase exponentially on the blog, we all lose weight, somebody gets a Burberry scarf, and I am one step closer to a book deal. Everybody is happy....Some what Ayn Randian, but certainly not illegal.. Also, I am seriously amused and entertained by the caliber of the comments on the blog. Who knew that my followers would be so clever?? Please, keep them coming.

Now, to entertain you even further, I have inserted a super relevant past Kenosha News Column Favorite--The McDonald's One. Enjoy, but don't let your commitment to the Burberry Fit Club Challenge waver.

The McDonald's Column

On Monday, August 14^th, 2007, the McKeon family received a shocking blow, and not to be overly dramatic, but life as we know it has taken a seismic shift.   We are all still a little shaken, but we’re rallying.

On this particular morning, I realized that we had absolutely no food in the house—no milk, no bread, not a frozen waffle or an egg to be had, but I wasn’t overly concerned.   I must confess, in the summer, food purchasing, storage and preparation at Casa McKeon is a little haphazard.   I hate wasting warm, sunny days navigating the aisles of Woodman’s, for my usual two cart, $400 visit.  Add on the time it takes to unload and put away all that food, and you’re looking at a three hour ordeal minimum.  So, during June, July and August, you won’t see me in any super market check out line, until we are truly Mother Hubbard desperate,

We had no food, but I wasn’t worried, because, well, we’d been down this path before, and obviously, I had a plan.  We had to be at St. Joe’s by 9am to pick up school packets for the big kids, and then on to the north side for 10:00 tennis lessons for the littles.  Simple.  I would just drive through McDonalds on our way to St. Joe’s, grab some McBreakfast, let the kids eat in the car (no syrup, no ketchup—car rules), run into school for the packets, and on to tennis.  After tennis, I’d bite the bullet and go buy groceries. 

As we headed north on Sheridan Road, our gateway to the city of Kenosha, the route we travel innumerable times a day, anticipating those golden arches, we were shocked, no stunned to discover that McDonalds, our McDonalds, was closed for the next four months. No way!  For the love of God and all things holy, why didn’t any body think to confer with me on this?  A little advanced warning would have been nice, some sort of community forum, possibly, or a psychologist on site to break the news gently. Didn’t anybody do an impact study before taking such drastic measures?     

When my kids were smaller, I was one of those overly smug, slightly irritating parents, who doled out Happy Meals only as a very special treat.  Dinner was usually a home cooked, food pyramid friendly, culinary experience.  And while I still strive for that Betty Crocker perfection, as the kids have gotten older, with schedules rivaling the landing at Normandy, the McDonald’s drive thru on

Sheridan Road

has become our auxiliary kitchen.  And now that it’s closed, some of the McKeon progeny are a little nervous about where their next meal is coming from. 

I know fast food isn’t the healthiest, (although the Asian chicken salad isn’t half bad) but on those days, and there are a lot of them,  when we’ve got a tennis match after school, Junior High football from 4:30-6:30, varsity soccer at the same time, different place, two kids with CYC football practice from 5:00pm- 7:00pm, (GO VIKINGS) and a band concert at 7:00pm, a home cooked meal is physically impossible.   Just making the requisite pick ups and drop offs takes the fine precision of an Indy pit crew. (I know, I know,  today’s kids are ridiculously over scheduled, but we do stick to a very strict one sport per season rule, and no travel teams; however, even that, multiplied by six kids creates a logistical challenge.  And frankly, I’m keeping my kids in organized sports as long as possible, in the hopes that they will be too tired from practice to hold up a liquor store.)

 In all honesty, it’s not the food we’re addicted to, it’s the fast.  We’re always pressed for time, and the Sheridan Road McDonalds, strategically located in the middle of my route, is just so convenient.  Maybe I’ve gotten a little complacent, lulled by the siren song of fast, easy food.  Since that is no longer an option, we’re soldiering on.  I know it’s a stretch, but I’m actually considering leaving my loop and driving all the way to the Pershing Boulevard McDonalds.  Who knows? We may even try Burger King or KFC.  And God forbid, if I get truly desperate, I may even pull out the crock pot.  (But I doubt it)

Hope you liked this vintage column. There's plenty more where that came from. Moral to this story: Staying away from McDonalds will bring you one step closer to the Burberry Scarf and Fit Club Victory....

No Top Ten list with this post....already did one today,  and it could very well be too much of a good thing....However, I  will list one thing that is so  not my favorite--that snotty, mouthy little blond kid in the Toyota Highlander commercials. Seriously, that kid needs a "firm understanding" as my mother would say, and Toyota needs a new advertising agency. 

Keep those comments coming, keep the ticker moving, keep the faith in the Fit Club.

We've got ourselves a Horse Race....

Sorry for not posting yesterday. Some light started flashing in my car saying "Service Ride Control" . I have been driving with the "Service Air Bag" and the "Service Tire Monitor" lights on for weeks now, and I couldn't have cared less.... air bag? Pfftt, tire monitor? whatever....But for some reason "Ride Control" seems kind of major. I was afraid that parts of my car would start falling off, so I had to break down and take it in for service, and it shot my whole day...I am currently driving the kids' Kia and not only do I feel like I am driving a toy, but when I dropped all the kids off at school today, it looked like one of those clown cars at the circus...of course it did.

Now, on to the real reason I get out of bed every morning...this blog. I have to admit, I AM LOVING THE CONTEST!!!  We've got ourselves a real horse race here. And the comments are EXACTLY what I was looking for.  I guess this would be the time where I say "don't begin any fitness or diet regime without checking with your doctor". But seriously, you're all grownups and I'm not going to tell you how to live your lives. I'm certainly no doctor, but I see no medical issue with trying to lose weight to win a Burberry scarf. And frankly, if you want to eat tuna and water to do it, who am I to judge?

Below is a list of the official entrants. If you do not see your name on this list, you are not Nate, Pete or Jamarcus McKeon, and you still want to join in this super fun and VERY rewarding Challenge, hey, it's certainly not too late. Just read the rules in my last post and state your intent in the comment section of the blog. Couldn't be easier.
Here are the official Burberry Fit Club Challenge Members as of today in no particular order, with a little bit of bio so you all know who and what you are up against:

1. Kristi Ambro--excellent cook, can knock me off my game, her daugher Amy wants this scarf and her husband Tom would love to get it on Dave McKeon's nickel---diet incentive: ? scarf incentive: high
2. Barb Clark--already  very fit, new to the blog, somewhat of a dark horse, do not count her out
3. Stephanie Chirbas--has a big job that keeps her at her desk all day, but she is another sleeper. Not sure how much she wants the scarf, admits to being fluent in profanity, so I  like her chances already. Needs to figure out how to comment before she will be considered a serious contender.
4. Judy Pulera--Very fit, very committed. Has already staked her claim. She's commenting up a storm and has created a friendly rivalry with the gentlemen from St. Eds. I don't think she gives a shit about the scarf, I think she just wants to win--a scary combination. I like the intensity, I think she's in it for the long haul.
5. Sara Pond--Do not be fooled by Sara's sweet exterior and kind comments. She's a serious competitor AND wants the scarf. She will be rock steady all the way, and has the technical savvy to score high and make a big statement in the comment portion.
6. Brian Pond--I admire his willingness to jump into this Challenge. I am assuming he wants this scarf to give to his wife. He could greatly improve his chances by being deployed to a military zone.
7. Angela--She has the motivation to lose weight (husband coming home from Afghanistan), really wants the scarf, AND has a very compelling human interest story. I'm not going to lie to you, she will score well in this competition, so bring your A game.
8. Jean Fredricksen--I can't quite tell just how serious she is. She could be playing me, time will tell.
9. Wanda Jaraczewski (I think)--She signed on early, but  may be having second thoughts. She's been quiet, thus far, but I know she's got perseverance and commitment, do not take her lightly.
10. Amy Davidson--She wants the Burberry BAD, and was the impetus for the incentive in this Challenge, but she better get some comments coming soon or she will be sadly scarfless this winter. Has engaged an experienced "life coach" (Jane McTernan) for this challenge and should begin to make some noise. 
11. Casey Ferraro--She seriously does not need to lose weight, I'm not sure if she wants the scarf, may have felt some peer pressure to join, but once challenged, can be relentless. May be the biggest dark horse. If she figures out the comment section of the blog, watch out.
12. Jeannie--Casey's sister. Another sleeper, but went to a military boarding high school, so has strategy and tactical training unknown to many of us. Her weight loss motivation is pretty high, her tech skills are well above average, and she wants the scarf. Do not be surprised if a Canfield sister tag team full court press unfolds. Don't say I didn't warn you.
13. Louis--one of the fine gentlemen of St. Edward's Hall. He's certainly got the comments going, He's not afraid of Judy Pulera, he wisely scored some points by talking up the blog and our awesome tailgates, and he's got youth on his side. However, This Challenge is a marathon, not a sprint, and youth can be easily distracted. Time will tell if he's in it for the duration. 
14. Frank-- another Stedsman and a man of fewer words. I like his quiet confidence and his Light and Fit yogurt tip. I think he's got a strong chance to make a showing in this competition. He's from New York and New Yorkers don't back down. However, Final's Week may derail his progress.
15. Nicole--I know she wants the scarf, but I saw her eat that sub. She's got all the potential in the world to be a serious contender, but her job is stressful. Let's see if it will throw her off of her Fit Club game.
16. Maggie Nickels--I was waiting for at least one of the Nickels' girls to jump into the fray. Though she is my God daughter, she is fully eligible for the Challenge. However, do not be deceived by Maggie's easy going exterior. She's got a deep and driven steeliness to her, and can bring it out at will. She also has the extra incentive to avoid the "Gordita" label. She is spending the semester in Mexico and is more than ready for some serious upscale cashmere indulgence.  
17. Kristina--Of course you are in. You publicly declared your intent and that's good enough for me. Enjoy the cruise, and pray that you get wi-fi, so you can send in some comments and diet tips, while lounging on the Lido deck. Remember, the comments and diet tips are critical.
18. Stephanie Connolly--Declared her intent via email. She's got stamina, she wants the scarf, but must master the comment portion of the blog to live up to her full potential.  May be the most likely to just go buy her own scarf and call it a day.
19. Kim--I'm taking your comment to mean you want in. Your welcome. Just a warning to all competitors, when properly motivated, Kim is a force to be reckoned with.  Ignore her at your own risk. Point of clarification: who do you think invented the "Heels and Clubbing" Diet? Don't make me have to tell the story about winning that dance contest at the LineBacker Inn again. However, I will acknowledge the excellence of that tip. But I think it only works if you are in college.
20. Tina Burke--a recent entry via email. Word to the wise: Tina Burke could kick my ass all day long. She played softball in college, still pitches like a fiend, works out hard, and won't back down from a challenge. Her only weak spot, mastering the blog....until she shows the ability to comment, tough to assess her chances.

Below are a few folks that I thought would Take the Challenge and have thus far wussed out. Yeah, I'm calling you out right here:

1. Grace Nickels--She's young, but she's a natural. Her competitive nature (she's made several girls cry on the tennis court, including her own doubles partner) coupled with her love of upscale luxury items make this Challenge a perfect fit. Maybe she is intimidated by her big sister... maybe she's just biding her time.... 
2. Matt Nelligan--Though he is skinny as a rail, I know he could clean up in the comment section. We all know how easily swayed I am by good celebrity gossip and Matt's got the inside line on the Swifts.
3. Taylot Swift's Mom--sure, she probably wraps her garbage in Burberry scarves, but word on the street is that she could stand to drop a few pounds.
4. Tina Lampe--I guess now that she's won the tuition raffle at our school, she's too good for the Challenge and is just going to buy her own Burberry scarf.  Fine, be that way.
5. Kevin Moyer, Mike Johnson and Alex--Boys, I've met your mothers and you know they would LOVE to get this scarf for Christmas. How do you think that they will feel when they heard that you had a chance to win a Burberry scarf for them and didn't even try? Very sad, that's how.
6. Katie Caspar--It is quite possible that Katie Caspar has no recollection of this Challenge at all....or of this weekend at all...How are you feeling, Katie?

Now, here is my own Fitness Update along with a few diet tips:
Pounds lost: 2!!!--I am back to my original weight and thanks to all of your tips, I am recommitted to losing those ten nagging pounds.
Diet Tip 1: Buy new work out gear. I got me some new running shoes and a few "dri-fit" items. I am just immature enough that I still get psyched by new shoes and clothes....even if I'm just going to sweat in them.
Diet Tip 2: Eat Lunch with Jane McTernan--you will feel like a total whale eating anything other than a salad, because she will be sitting across from you eating nothing and drinking black coffee. This is why she is excluded from the Challenge. Super human will power and no body fat.

Keep those diet tips and comments coming. I am overwhelmed by the response and can't wait to see how this thing unfolds....(and also, I really want to lose 10 pounds....)

Today's Top Ten:

1. Light and Fit Yogurt--excellent source of calcium
2. Nike Dri-fit apparel--not as chokey as the under armour stuff, but still keeps you warm
3. Jack McKeon--shaved off his mohawk, visited West Point last weekend, and is the only McKeon child other than Posey, not messing with the Burberry Challenge
4. John and Wanda Jaraczewski--thanks so much for taking Jack to West Point. A once in a lifetime experience...
5. Avacadoes--loaded with vitamins, tasty and filling
6. Manrico Cashmere--best store on Michigan Avenue--put their sweaters on your Christmas List
7. Zach Koenes--always there when you need him. Christmas lights, ping-pong tables, hanging curtains
8. Monogrammed Tiffany sterling cufflinks--just beautiful
9. Blueberries--apparently the best diet food ever.  I believe...
10. All the Burberry Fit Club Challengers....my VERY favorite people: helping me lose the weight and get the book deal, all at the same time....I am living the dream...

Remember, it's not too late to join The Challenge. We will take all comers. No one will be turned away...except for my kids...but they are used to that....

Join the G*dd*mn Fit Club....

And the list goes on...

I am pleased that we have over 60  followers on the You Can't Scare Me blog, many of whom have been lured in by the p*ssy list--I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but you signed on, so you count and I'm down with that.  I will continue to update that list on a regular basis. The holidays are fast approaching and nothing brings out the p*ssy diatribe in Dave McKeon more than gift giving, egg nog chugging, tree trimming and spending vasts sums of money.  The Very, Merry p*ssy list will be coming real soon. Consider it my gift to you.

As I've said, Christmas (or Hanukkah, for all of our Jewish friends and that viewer in Israel), is just around the corner. And I must tell you, I am a little disappointed in the lack of response to the Fit Club. C'mon on now. Who doesn't want to join a no pressure, low pressure club that will mildly encourage you to lose 10 pounds before the holidays? I'm not going to actually weigh you or anything. Hell, you can totally lie to this blog, there is no polygraph attached to it. But seriously, doesn't everyone want just a tiny bit of incentive or inspiration to get ahead of the winter fatty spread? Obviously, public commitment and blog camaraderie is not enough. So, I am going to sweeten the pot. I am going to bribe all of you lazy Mother F*ckers into joining the Fit Club. Your welcome.

Quick Aside: Have you noticed that I have been bleeping out at least one letter in all of the profanity in my blog lately? I think it lends a nice touch. It says, "I'm hip, but I still care about the children." The other day, one of Pete's little shidiot friends (Sorry, every single 14 year old boy in the world is a shidiot--by definition) said to me: "Hey, Mrs. McKeon--love the blog" . Which is cool and all, but knowing that young minds are reading this tripe, I think I should at least attempt to show, through the use of the universal asterisk that some words are inappropriate, especially in print . Just trying to do my part. Of course, I'm not so noble as to leave them out of the text entirely--there really is no perfect word to replace p*ssy that can still adequately convey the ire of Dave McKeon,--but, don't think that I don't know my language is foul. For those of you who know me well and talk to me in person on a regular basis--you are nodded in agreement here--You all know that I can drop the F-bomb into any casual conversation without even thinking about it.  Get me mad, and the F-bombs fly like machine gun fire...I'm working on it....Sure, I'd love to have a clean, profanity free mouth,  But first I have to lose 10 pounds. ..one vice at a time.

Okay, back to the Fit Club. We were talking about you lazy MFs and your unwillingness to publicly commit to the Fit Club. EXCEPT FOR KRISTI AMBRO,  who committed immediately--Top Ten, Baby...(Of course, she then proceeded to make me 2 dozen red velvet cupcakes which derailed my own Fit Club goals--sabotage? possibly....great cupcakes--definitely. And no one forced me to eat a baker's dozen of these little sugar coated gems...that was all me) I've gotten 2 more members who have verbally committed to the Club. (Wanda Jaraczewski and Amy Davidson), but the rest of you shids have been mute. Deeply and profoundly silent. Well, it's time to step up and be counted. Because I am adding the COOLEST incentive to be in this Club. It is well worth adding your  name to the Fit Club roster, and making an attempt, no matter how feeble, at taking off ten before Christmas. I like to call this the "Burberry Fit Club Challenge"

Here it is: For all Fit Club Members who try to lose ten pounds before Christmas, you will have the chance to win A BURBERRY GIANT CHECKED CASHMERE SCARF.  Here is the link for that scarf so you know that it really exists. I tried to insert the picture of this cool scarf into this post, but who the f*** am I kidding? That's never going to happen. Just click on the link below (yeah, it seems super long to me too, but let's just go with it) and you can have the chance to win this fabulous scarf.  Retail value: $335 American 
http://s7ondemand1.scene7.com/s7ondemand/zoom/flasht_zoom.jsp?company=Burberry&windowtitle=us.burberry.com &zoomwidth=412&zoomheight=544&viewer=/skins/Burberry/SWFs/GSI_blank_load.swf&vc=codeRoot%3D%2Fis%2Dviewers%2Fflash%2F&sku=p5769774
You know you want this Burberry scarf. I know I do... One size fits all, unisex (they had a dude wearing it in the picture, ok, he was probably a French dude, but still), pure cashmere and it screams--"I'm old school cool". The Burberry scarf in the camel is the classic, timeless, perfect accessory that you know you've always wanted, but didn't want to have to buy for yourself. Well, now you don't have to. Dave McKeon is buying it for you.  But you must follow the rules.

Here are the Rules:

1. You MUST officially enroll in the Fit Club, by emailing me, or better yet, by commenting on the blog. Do not ask me how to comment, because I do not know how. On  my computer, you can just hit the comment button. My sister Wendy swears that there is no comment button on her screen. I can't help you with that. If I were you, I'd ask Sara Pond how to do it. She is the best commenter of all. Phone calls and verbal entreaties do not count. I need electronic proof of your intent to be a Fit Club Member. We are not giving this scarf to just anybody. Please, please try to enroll via the blog comment section because I really like getting comments and it makes the blog look active.
2. You MUST make a legitimate effort to lose weight. I'm not talking starvation here, just a good, slightly above half-assed try. (follow my lead on that one). You don't actually have to lose 10 pounds...And I'm not going to weigh you, track you or beat you up. You're all grown ups, just do your best...ish...
3. You  MUST report on your progress on a regular basis by commenting on the blog. We will all follow the same format... just report how many pounds you've lost if any. No one other than me has to confess that you are gaining weight. This isn't about humiliation, just good, positive, bribing encouragement.
4. You MUST provide at least one diet tip to the blog. Funny, effective, ridiculous tips I don't care. Just give keep them coming. I already have one from Wanda. (she's is currently out in front on the scarf-a-thon, but every body has a fair and equal shot. However, I cannot not be clearer when I say: NO tip, NO scarf. 
5. You can provide as many tips and updates as you want. The more tips, the more comments, the better.
6. The WINNER of the scarf will be determined by me, based on number of comments, quality of comments and number of pounds lost. Sure, it's utterly and totally subjective, but I will give HUGE weight (pun intended) to the comments and diet tips and less to the actual pounds lost. So, everyone has an equal shot to win, by regularly pounding the blog, reporting your diet progress and providing insightful, useful, comical diet tips.
7. I'm trusting you all to be fairly accurate in your diet progress. We are all living by the Honor Code and I think that scarf will chafe and choke you, if you win it through cheating. Remember, pounds lost is only one piece of winning the scarf. Number and quality of comments counts even more. 
8. The contest ends on Dec. 24th
9. The contest begins today, Nov. 4th
10. You can only enroll once, with one name (no fake names, Chris McKeon--you can't win this scarf, see restrictions)
11. The contest is open to all comers.  You certainly don't have to know me to win. Totally not. And frankly, you may have a better chance if you don't know me....
12. Restrictions Apply:

Here are the restrictions:

• The following people are not eligible for the Burberry Fit Club Challenge: Annie, Chris, Jack, Nate, Pete or Posey McKeon--sorry, shids. Jane McTernan--too skinny already--but feel free to add some diet tips, you obviously know what you are doing. Amy Parker--you're pregnant--Don't even think about it. Any other pregnant or too skinny person.
• You have to follow the rules. I'm not kidding

Good luck. This is totally legit. You know that I am good for it, and have already purchased the  scarf today. It is on it's way and will stay in it's original packaging until someone wins this super, super exciting challenge. Just think, you can begin the new year a few pounds lighter and sporting a very awesome Burberry scarf. Onnce again, you're welcome. JOIN THE FIT CLUB TODAY...

Today's Top Ten:

1. Dave McKeon--source of the P*ssy List, funder of the Burberry Fit Club Challenge. Gotta love him.
2. The new Jan Karon book. Even though I seem like a total heathen, I really like those Fr. Tim books. this time they go to Ireland. It's very nice, calm reading.
3. The knit ruffle gloves from Nordstrom--great price point, super useful
4. Potato soup--filling, nutricious, delicious and cheap. We ate a vat of it this week--I have GOT to get those 2 extra pounds off
5. Posey's new lace up Burberry boots--you have to see them to believe them. I mean it. I know they are a huge extravagence, but they are really more for me than for her.
6. The five dollar turtlenecks from Target--a huge hit last year. Let's hope they restock
7. Jill Wasalevich Vitkus--she is probably the nicest person I've ever met, except possibly her mother Mary
8. The Woodstock Inn in Vermont--go there, you will love it.
9. Sara Pond--the best commenter
10. The Burberry Fit Club Challenge--be a part of something awesome, join the Challenge today.

Updates

Happy Monday to you all---and to our friends and followers across the international date line, Happy Tuesday (maybe? I think?) to you...I am never quite sure how that whole dateline thing works. I will confess that I don't even know exactly where it starts. Somehow, in my fine educational experience, I never learned one flat thing about geography. When I was a child, we were taught "Social Studies" learning about Indian leantos, Mayan ruins, and the top imports from Bolivia, but we never learned any geography (or at least I never did) Seriously, I would be hard pressed to pick Bolivia out on a map. Hell, I barely know any of the states west of the Mississippi...( all those big square ones look the same to me...Nebraska, Wyoming, Kansas...)So, international date line...pfffft...That is why I married Dave McKeon--he knows all of that shit.

As promised, today is a day for updates.

First, way to go, all you followers and friends. The blog ticker got hit over 300 times on my special birthday. Many happy returns. We are over 3500 hits and counting. Keep it up.  Also, we have picked up quite an international contingent with recent page views from Iraq, Russia, Great Britian, the Netherlands, Guadeloupe (thank you, Maggie Nickels) and Canada. Thankfully, I can actually find all of these countries on the globe. I am making the personal promise to my audience that no matter what country you call home, if it shows up in my blog stats, I will make it my personal mission be able to recognize said country on a world map. ...And people say this is not a full service, audience driven, aiming to please one and all sort of  blog. 

Now, on to the You Can't Scare Me Fit Club Update:
-Numbers of Fit Club Members:  3, including me
-Number of Pounds Lost by Me since Fit Club began: None--I've actually gained two pounds. (told you I wouldn't lie), but that's ok. I've got some time before Christmas, and am rededicating myself to this quest. Yes, I know I now have 12 pounds to lose.... Shiiittt,. If I could just lay off the cupcakes, I think I'd be fine....Needless to say, it is not too late to join the Fit Club. As long as you didn't GAIN weight last week, you are beating my fat ass.
-Number of Red Velvet cupcakes eaten this week: 7, which is two less than the last time I was confronted with red velvet...my very own diet kryptonite, so I'm thinking positive. My good friend Kristi Ambro made me a big batch for my birthday and now that I have removed these these diet killers from the premises (by eating them all), I'm back in the diet game (somehow eating vast quantities of tempting foods to get them out of  my house in the name of losing weight seems to makes some twisted sense to me--not hard to believe I gained weight this week, but I think my strategy has long term potential)
-Number of cheeseburgers consumed: 1 and it wasn't even a good one--lesson learned

Finally, the update you've all been waiting for: The P*ssy List. For anyone who has spent anytime with Dave McKeon, you know that he is constantly tossing down the P*ssy gauntlet. With all of the crappy football being played lately by teams he loves, well, it's been a veritable P*ssypalooza, with every coach, player, program and league being called out. I will try to distill and recap as best I can. Please remember, I am not making this shit up. You are a P*ssy if:

• You are Jay Cutler ("I swear to God, that p*ssy is color blind")
• You throw an interception into double coverage in the end zone, when you could have kicked a field goal to win the game
• You engineered the genius play to throw into the end zone when a field goal would have won the game. ("Great, just what Notre Dame needs....another big talking, fat p*ssy coach who tanks in the fourth quarter")
• You played/coached football for USC ("Reggie Bush, OJ Simpson, Pete Carroll, Matt Leinhart, Mark Sanchez, Lane Kiffin.--just a cavalcade of p*ssies")
• You make the cheap hit
• You take the cheap hit
• You're a pulling guard who can't pull
• You are an NFL coach who wears a hoodie with the sleeves cut off ("Do you think Bill Belicheck buys those sweatshirts like that or does that p*ssy just cut the sleeves off of regular ones? ")
• You mishandle a fair catch
• You fall for the fake punt
• You take photos of your own "package" ("Could Brett Favre be a dumber p*ssy?")
• You email those photos to a Jet's employee ("Yes, he could be")
• You have the nerve to drive under 80 mph in the left hand lane on the Indiana Toll Road ("This is the fast lane, p*ssy. Speed up or get over")
• You don't have an I-Pass ("What sort of p*ssy doesn't have an I-Pass?")
• You can't navigate the Dan Ryan
• You don't turn right on red when you have the chance ("Make the turn, you big p*ssy")
• You fail to use your turn signal when you switch lanes
• You don't know how to carve a pumpkin ("Jesus, Nate, you pussy, when I was a kid, we scooped those pumpkin guts out with our hands..")
• You are a grown up man who actually likes to dress up for Halloween, ("Seriously, Laurie, do you know who dresses up for Halloween?  P*ssies and guys who's wives make them. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know guys dressed up in college, but that's only because they were hoping to get lucky with some girl dressed like a slutty cat, slutty bunny, or slutty slut")
• You are a grown man whose wife is making him dress up for Halloween, and you wear any costume that is not a cowboy, doctor, fireman or cop. ("Holy shit, look at that dude dressed like Marilyn Monroe! That poor,pathetic p*ssy")
• You hand out healthy snacks for Halloween ("Only a p*ssy gives out boxes of raisins to Trick or Treaters")
• You use body wash
• You use conditioner
• You drive a smart car ("You have to be one tiny p*ssy to drive a car that small")
• You know how to tap dance
• You wear mittens ("Is that p*ssy wearing mittens? Do you think they are clipped to his sleeves?")
• You don't secretly admire Gordon Gekko
• You haven't seen all of the Godfather movies
• You cry during any movie except for "Rudy" and "Brian's Song" 
• You've ever watched a complete episode of The View ("This has to be the biggest p*ssy show in the history of television. Turn this shit off")
• You wonder what happened to Rosie O'Donnell
• You don't read the  newspaper
• You can't read a box score
• You don't know who is playing in the World Series
• You watch cute animal videos on YouTube ("WTF? Some p*ssy sent me a link to some kitten video from YouTube...are you kidding me?")
• You eat sushi ("You know who eats raw fish? Seals and p*ssies,that's who.")
• You use chop sticks
• You eat sushi with chopsticks ("He is such a super pretentious p*ssy...he eats raw fish with chopsticks")
• You don't take off your hat during the National Anthem ("Tell that communist p*ssy in front of you to take off his hat. This is America. Have some respect")
• You use the term "Maverick" without irony
• You gain your political information from inflammatory TV ads ("I don't need some lying, phony, alarmist p*ssy telling me how to vote")
• You don't vote on election day

And the list goes on and on....

Today's Top Ten:

1. U.S. Service Men and Women--they fight for our freedom so we can vote--don't miss your chance to hit the polls tomorrow
2. Chris and Carol Sperry--great friends, always in our hearts
3. "Bunny Williams Scrapbook For Living"--a great book given to me for my birthday by Carol Sperry. It actually has a chapter on making the perfect bed...I am in anal retentive heaven...
4. The Morris Inn--the old school hotel on the Notre Dame campus
5. The Grotto--our sacred spot for candle lighting and prayers.
6. Thanksgiving--my second favorite Holiday, and not just because of the food...ok, mostly because of  the food
7. Posey McKeon--makes us laugh, keeps us young, is a true, total and undeserved gift
8. Hot Lunch-- a God send to lazy mothers
9. The Saks' Fifth Avenue Kid's online sale--it's pretty darn awesome. Merry Christmas to you, Posey...
10. The Fit Club--join it today