HOLY AND LOWLY: THE FASHION ISSUE

I know, I know. I'm late...again. Sorry, I started this thing at 7pm and then the phone rang nonstop. Don't these people know I have a blog to post??? I guess not.

Well alright!! I am loving the banter, the smack downs, the caliber of play here. Keep it up, keep it coming. Everyone's a winner in the Holy and Lowly Challenge. Because it's so darn educational.

So let's get right down to business. Yesterday's questions were a little trickier, no? How 'bout that best dressed question? I may not know my Bible, but I know me my best dresseds. And yes, that question did stop Chris McKeon's reign of terror...He may have been first, but he did not collect all the points this time. To the rest of the competitors, your welcome.

As you all know, the answers were 88 and Vito Pascucci.  Most of you got these right.....eventually. Now, Let's look at the score board for tonight:
Chris gets three points: 2 for having both right answers....eventually, and 1 extra for being first with the 88 kids.
Judy gets three points: 2 for having both right answers and 1 extra for being first with the Vito Pascucci--way to be a trail blazer, Judy. I knew you would start dominating this competition.
Kim, Mrs. Sarge, Louis, (welcome back, Louis-now it's a party!) Amy, Tricia, Suechi, Barb Clark (who gets the Kim Pechous papal dispensation as she works to master the comment portion of the blog) and Stacy all get their two points for getting both answers right.
Jane gets a point for knowing Vito Pascucci (I think it was her husband who told me the Vito Pascucci story originally) and probably will not get the Hermes cuff bracelet she keeps hinting for....at least not yet..
Adam gets a point for knowing the King question (nice reference to Michael Irving)

AND NOW, I WILL AWARD THE EXTRA CREDIT, but before I do, I want to tell you all a little story:

When we moved to the east side of Cleveland (which considers itself the Boston of Cleveland--tons of prep schools, many over indulged children) our kids went to this really high end Catholic school. Pete aka "Typhoon" was in kindergarten. Unlike the other kids, Pete did not have to wear a uniform to school, and thus could wear the many cute outfits that I liked to dress him in. Seriously, Pete had a very rocking wardrobe. (little aside: all my kids were extremely well dressed because I noticed very early on in the kiddie game that people treated us much nicer when we slicked ourselves up. Frankly, when you have six kids under eleven, people kind of assume you live in a double wide or drive an Amish buggy. We tried to break those stereotypes with our sartorial splendor.) Anyhow, for the first few days in his fancy kindergarten, Pete would come home and tell me that he won "best dressed". I was slightly puzzled, thinking, "this must really be some high end kind of school if they are noting the Papo d'Anjo shorts that Pete is wearing with the Ralph Lauren sweater and tiny Bass Weejuns but hey, we're new here, what do I know?". Secretly, I was smugly pleased that not only could I hold my own in the fashion department with these east siders, but my kid was hands down, publicly acclaimed repeatedly as the best dressed kid in class. Here is Pete. Isn't he so cute? These were his play clothes. Now you know why I thought he was winning best dressed. 

When Pete came home the third day to tell me once again  that he was awarded best dressed, I said to Annie: "Can you believe they keep naming Pete "best dressed" in his class? Not that I'm surprised, but you think they'd spread it around...you  know, they're only five year olds." And Annie looked at me like I was nuts (which I guess I kind of was) and said: "Mom, he is winning BEST REST--he's the kid that sleeps on the towel during nap time the best. No one is going to give a kindergartner some best dressed award. That's just stupid..." And honestly, looking back, I cannot believe that I seriously thought the kindergarten teachers at Gesu were giving my kid the best dressed award, but truth be told, I really did. This story speaks volumes about me in so many ways....(and that photo explains a little bit about our Pete, doesn't it?) and will absolutely explain part of the reasoning behind how I awarded the extra credit.

First though, I just want to say that starting tomorrow I will be giving out 10 extra credit points because you guys are all just that good. I really wanted to give Sue extra credit for the "favorite" comment, Kim extra credit for staying up, Judy for baiting both Louis and Chris, Stacy for the  paparazzi comment, Louis for coming out swinging and Mrs. Sarge for working late and still pounding the blog, but because I said five points last night, I will stick with five points because frankly, I need to follow the rules I set up for at least ONE day. But tonight, be sure to bring it, because there are 10 big points at stake--with those ten points, plus two correct answers, any comer can beat the total points of young Jamarcus and take over the lead in this competition...play big, people.

Little note to Amy Parker: Sorry, Amy, I've met your baby. You're not getting any extra credit for him. He's a total angel. Now, if you had asked for extra credit for your daughter who cut her own tongue in preschool because she wanted to see if the scissors would really work on a tongue...well, that may have held some sway....better luck tomorrow.

So, tonight's FIVE big extra credit points are awarded as follows:
Both Jake the Snake and Runhard (the other Jake) get ONE big extra credit point each for putting Posey on the best dressed list....you know exactly how to turn my head.
Tricia gets ONE extra credit point , bringing her night's point total up to a whopping THREE because she was right, Vito Pascucci was on a domestic best dressed list, not an international one...my mistake
And the last TWO extra credit points go to Adam, also bringing his point total tonight up to THREE because in naming Dave McKeon as not only best dressed but as a Duke, is pretty much genius, because as we all know, Dave McKeon is the financial backer of the Holy and Lowly Challenge and he will be the one footing the bill for all those awesome prizes, not to mention, the dude who will be mixing up the Long Islands.  Nicely played, Adam. I admire your gamesmanship....

With no further ado, here are tonight's questions:

1. How many married Catholic priests are there currently in the United States?
2. Elizabeth Taylor died today (RIP). She starred in a famous movie with Spencer Tracy. What was the name of her fiancee in that movie and the name of the actor who played him?

One, two three Go...but first: today's top ten:

1. Elizabeth Taylor--love her or hate her. In her heyday, she was a total knockout
2. Panera steak chili--full of protein
3. Papo d'anjo children's clothes--that photo does not lie
4. Chris' twitter friends--keep them coming
5. Vito Pascucci--I think we would have been BFFs
6. Larry Coe--gave me an actual copy of the ACRE test, (but no answers)
7. Cadbury Caramel eggs
8. The Jonathon Adler monogrammed pillow--a lovely gift from a lovely friend
9. Robot Candy Company--home of the 10 pound gummi bear
10. The Dixie Chicks--rediscovered them and all politics aside, they are chickeriffic

HOLY AND LOWLY: DAY TWO

Darn that fricking Wikipedia--there are no hard questions any more. It's just too easy. Tonight, I vow to come up with a trivia question that is not easily googled....

And please tell me that none of you actually knew those Luminous Mysteries without looking them up.   I was totally feeling like a major pagan and was seriously considering asking Notre Dame for a partial refund until Kim Pechous noted that these Luminous Mysteries weren't even invented until 2002. Pfft...In 2002, I had six kids between the ages of twelve and three, was moving just about every summer, mired in tons of laundry, and spending six hours a day looping the East side of Cleveland dropping various children at random fields, gyms and lessons. So frankly, unless John Paul II presented the Luminous Mysteries on Nickelodeon, was asking me to wash his baseball uniform by tomorrow, or needed a ride to violin, his new fangled mysteries never would have crossed my radar.  And they didn't...until this week.

Tonight's post will be short and sweet.  Here's the Lowdown: "JaMarcus" gets his four points--well played, son, but your reign of supremacy may be short lived.

PAY ATTENTION HERE, THERE IS A SLIGHT ADDITION TO THE CONTEST:
As of tonight, I am officially imposing the extra credit rule: (I need a way to level the playing field here, yet still keep the competition above board ish) Starting with tonight's questions, I will award up to five extra credit points each  night. I can split these among several competitors or award them all to just one person. Extra credit will be awarded for many reasons including but not limited to: making me laugh, (Stacy, Jane, ) making me feel better about the fact that I know nothing about the entire Catholic religion, (Kim) throwing in some extra fun facts like birthdays or lightening bolt tattoos (Tricia), sucking up, mocking Chris, being extra nice, adding a quirky view point, and any other random note that may strike my fancy...Let's be honest here, these points are totally subjective (and basically my way to try to prevent Jamarcus from sweeping the competition--sorry, Chris, there is no way you are scoring some Long Island Iced Teas...you either, Pete, you scary little punk....Let's be super clear here, no alcohol will be made for, delivered to, or consumed by underagers.... not on my watch...will not happen--go for the bracelet and use it to bribe some girl to date you...it may work)

As far as the rest of the field: Stacy, Judy, Amy, Sue, Tricia, and Tina (yeah, hey, Mrs. Sarge aka "Miss Congeniality" is back in the hunt, any and all comments from her will be greatly appreciated--still waiting on one, both or all of the Ponds to jump back into the mix.) all get their solid two points.  Had I instituted the extra credit rule sooner, many of you would have received extra points on top of those two points, Keep up the good work. And shoot for those extra points tomorrow.

Jane, nice answers, but in order to get some points, you really do have to answer the actual questions I ask. Frankly, because I think you already own all of the prizes on the list except the Long Islands, you can just keep making me laugh by providing your own special answers. I just may have to create a new category for you and possibly John Heinzmann who is quite the theologian. Keep the comments coming.

Typhoon Pete, I no longer feel badly about the fact that the college fund would most likely have run out well before you finished your alotted four years of undergrad. I am confident that we can use any of the money that may have come your way to assist Jack or Nate with Med school as you obviously will be following a very different "life plan" which does not involve higher education. Moreover, your obtuse and incomplete answers explain oh so very much.  Good Luck with that career as a "rapper/street performer/UFC fighter".  I'm sure your father will be very proud.

OK, here are tonight's questions:

1. How many children did King Rehoboam have? (for those who don't know, this is the Holy question)
2. Who is the Kenosha native that was listed on the International Best Dressed list several years ago? (hint: it is not Jane McTernan or Al Molinaro)

Now let's see who is the master....Good luck and God Speed to all

Too tired for Today's Top Ten--and way too hard to come up with 10 great things EVERY single day, however, right now, as we speak there is a size 42 Hickey Freeman tweed trench coat on sale on gilt.com that somebody better buy because it's like 90% off. I was thinking about buying it for Pete, but given his new career path, it seems like a waste.

THE HOLY AND THE LOWLY CHALLENGE: DAY ONE

Hey, hey, hey, we got a few brave souls who are running the Lenten gauntlet of  the Holy and Lowly Trivia Challenge. (Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?) Time is up for today, and we are moving on to the next two questions, but I must say, Nicely done, people. There is plenty more where that came from. I both thank and commend you for your commitment to the blog, and I am pretty sure each and everyone of you is heading straight to heaven for even attempting this sacred quest. Ok, maybe not, but it has to be burning off some purgatory time.

For those of you who have not yet partaken of the Trivia Challenge (yeah, I mean you, Brian Pond, Louis from Steds, any and all Nickels girls, Katey Caspar, Tina Lampe and the rest of you biblical slackers...) there is ample time to catch our current leaders, as we've got 30 more days for you all to flaunt your Theological and  "sociological" knowledge. I'll keep the questions coming, and you all keep up the answers. And people say this blog is not educational...

Here is our leaderboard thus far, with a little editorializing on my part about our competitors chances:
Currently in first place with four big points is Chris McKeon. Young Chris was the first to buzz in and he answered both questions correctly. I must warn you, Chris is freakishly competitive, has nothing but time on his hands, and with all of his high tech gadgetry, unless he gets totally electrocuted, he will be pouncing on the blog to maintain his self proclaimed superiority. I'm not going to lie to you, Chris has staked his spot and he will be tough to topple. The good news (for all fellow competitors), is that Chris is obviously playing for the alcohol. The bad news (for me), is that Chris is obviously playing for the alcohol....As the contest progresses, I may indeed need to revise a few of the rules/prizes...but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.  Walk carefully, young jedi...

Next to buzz in, and the recipient of two very crucial points was none other than Judy Pulera---Of course she did. History has shown us that Judy is a total winner. She came out on top in the Fitness Challenge and I will put real American dollars on her chances to win, place and show in this new trivia format. Interesting that her main nemisis Louis is no where to be found....(yes, Louis, the sound you are hearing is me calling you out, ...Please, for my sake, give Chris a run for his money in the Long Island Iced Tea Sweepstakes...)

A new, but wholly worthy competitor is Tricia Heinzman. Tricia has that special  photo with the iconic Ruth Buzzi, so she knows her celebs, she was all over the Papal Schism deal, and Tricia will fly under the radar, quietly racking up points, while no one is paying attention. I really like her chances, because this is a thinking man's game and Tricia is a thinker. Also, very impressive breadth of knowledge with the whole Elvis, lightning  bolt connection. Keep it coming, Tricia, and there may well be extra credit points for tidbits like that.... She is also tied with Judy with two important points.

Always a contender, Sue Chiappetta was right there claiming her first two points. Frankly, there is nothing Sue Chiappetta can't do: whipping up dinner for fifty, shingling a habitat roof, decorating the entire high school gym, raising Burberry Challenge winner Angela Fitzpatrick and her equally lovely three sisters, Sue's got serious skills and winning this competition is well within her reach.  The big hope for all others is that she may be distracted by the impending nuptuals of her daughter Claire...(keep that happy thought, fellow competitors, but Sue will be tough to beat)

Another new but formidable challenger is Kim Pechous. Kim knows her stuff, she just does not know how to comment on the blog. I've given her a "papal" dispensation for today, as she really did work like crazy to get her comment section to work, and she answered the questions really early. Kim will get her two points for today (and probably should be given some extra credit for her super informative answer) and let's all hope (or not) that she figures out how to comment via the blog.

Finally, we have Stacy Spracklin. Stacy will certainly get her two points, and as the competition continues, she may be getting significant extra credit because her comment made me laugh out loud. Keep it up, Stacy. Everyone knows that in these bloggy competitions, the rules can and will change according to my whims.  Making me laugh goes a VERY long way.

Here are today's two questions:

1. Name the Five Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary, and the appropriate day of the week when these mysteries are said. (who knew about these ones? back in my day, at least at St. Judes in New Lenox, there were only the Joyful, Sorrowful and Glorious Mysteries.)
2. Name at least five of the eight kids from the classic family show "Eight is Enough" and the actors who played them. (this may slow young Chris down just a bit)

Good luck to all competitors, I look forward to your correct answers. Same timeish tomorrow, so get your answers in good and fast. And for all of you wall flowers, sitting on the side lines, afraid to jump in....Let's go, you big bunch of Nancies (gave up swearing for Lent...taking it one day at a time). That Tiffany bead bracelet isn't going to just jump onto your wrist.... 

Today's Top Ten:

1. The Hominy Grill in Charleston--was featured on Man vs. Food, so you know it's good
2. Delman ballet flats--perfect for spring
3. Stacy Spracklin for making me laugh
4. Buttered popcorn--wish I had some
5. The Luminous Mysteries--I learn something every day
6. Jimmer Freddette--after ND's tragic and painful exit from the tournament last night, I am now officially rooting for Team Jimmer
7. The monogrammed bathing suit in Bella Bliss (it's for Posey, not me)
8. Mentos chewing gum in those flip top canisters
9. The giant gummy bear from Robot Candy
10. The Paris Wife--that book about Ernest Hemingway's first wife--it's really good

BACK WITH A VENGEANCE--LET THE CONTEST BEGIN

What?? Finally, a post on the blog? You read that right. Halleluia and Praise the Lord (more about the Holy stuff in a minute) The Blog is back and better than ever. I've got a very cool and fun contest planned, and I am very jazzed about it. I will describe it in detail below. But first, I do apologize for the lengthy hiatus from posting, but truth be told, I was struggling with a bit of blog disillusionment, and middle aged malaise...it was nothing personal..no, no, no....it's not you, it's me..., seriously...

Blog thirty second time out: I am currently watching Notre Dame getting HAMMERED by Florida State...and if that doesn't cause me to shut down this post, nothing will, so I think we can all safely say, I am back in the blog business to stay. I am begging Dave McKeon to change the channel because I just can't bear to watch the carnage, but like so many of my pleading requests, (the white Hermes bracelet, a week in Bermuda, washing the garage floor, throwing out his golf sweaters from the early 90s) he adamantly refuses.

I was all ready and psyched to post up on Fat Tuesday, (which is my absolute favorite holiday, always celebrated with a dozen donuts or five) and get this new contest rolling, but I was too busy drinking Hurricanes and eating pralines to make it happen, and then, Shocker, I was slightly brain damaged on Ash Wednesday and frankly was unable to string two sentences together, (Hurricanes plus jello shots plus middle age equals full day alcohol recovery detox)...and then we took off for Spring Break on Thursday,(best Spring Break ever--).... and it was all over from there. Sorry, I love you guys, but not enough to actually produce a big post over my vacation.

But guess what did happen on our Spring Break? We were spending an awesome week on the Isle of Palm at the Wild Dunes Resort (highly recommend, we booked through Jetsetter.com--got a GREAT deal) and went in to Charleston the second day we were there to meet my cousins Mark and Amy, and their three kids. (Their girls were hysterical and their baby Luke was a total champ. He is only three months old and never peeped once). But because the world is getting smaller every day, guess who we bumped into while strolling on King Street in Charleston?  ANGELA and BRENDAN FITZPATRICK-!! I kid you not! Yes, that Angela, the winner of the Burberry Fitness Challenge. Sure, she and her lovely family happen to live in Charleston, but what are the odds??? Fate, not chance, people, Fate. While Angela was not wearing her Burberry Victory scarf, and in her defense, it was like 78 degrees out, she and Brendan could not look better. They gave us many super suggestions for great meals and were even kind enough to invite our big, hungry crew over for dinner one night. Their hospitality was amazing (both Angela and Brendan's moms were there, so the eating was top drawer) and their two boys Jake and Henry could not be cuter. Seriously, they were so funny and incredibly well behaved.  We had a terrific time and I feel pretty darn good knowing that the Burberry scarf is residing in such a happy home.

 We returned to town last night, I've unpacked all the bags, done all the vacation laundry, cleaned out Posey's closet, rearranged my closet, cleaned out the refrigerator, celebrated Jack's birthday, bought a few pairs of shoes from gilt.com, a few more from Bloomingdales (Tory Burch flip flop season is right around the corner) and picked up a pair of Stewart Weitzman boots on sale from Nordstroms (told you I was over the middle-aged malaise) So, now with all those chores done, I am unveiling THE CONTEST OF THE SEASON.

Here we go: Get ready because this is a good one:  I am starting the "You can't scare me Trivia Contest" Yes, Brian Pond, this ones for you.  All trivia, all day. Well, some trivia, most days. Here is how it will work. Every evening except Saturday, I will post two trivia questions.  You all will have until the next days' post to answer the questions.  You can cheat all you want, because all I am looking for is blog traffic and some great comments. The only real restriction is that your answers must be posted on the comment portion of the blog before the next days' post. Hell, you can all cheat off of each other for all I care. If the first dude to post an answer is right, just steal and repost his answer. I really don't care. I just want the traffic, feedback and conversation. But, because I do want to reward the eager beavers who actually know some stuff without copying off the guy sitting next to them, I will award one bonus point per question to the first person who answers each question correctly, and likewise, because I don't want to penalize those people with actual jobs who can't hang out on the internet all day, everyone at all who answers the questions correctly during that day will get credit for their answers. ( I will explain more later)

However, there is a slight twist to this competition. In honor of the Lenten Season, (when I mentioned this contest to my sister Wendy, she said: "Really, Laurie?  Lent is like half over". Not sure what calendar she's looking at, but at our house, Lent is a full 40 days--and again, blame the delay on the jello shots), one of the trivia questions each day will be Bible and holy trivia. Yep, so all that knowledge about Charlie Sheen is not going to get you too far. You actually have to know some Holy Stuff. Why? you may  ask, Well, in addition to the Lent thing, I recently learned that my kids in Catholic high school have to take this Catholic achievement test called the ACRE test. I guess they've been doing this for several years, but it's the first I've heard about it. This ACRE test assesses students' knowledge of their Catholic faith. Word on the street is that the Archdiocese of Milwaukee is going to require all teachers in Catholic schools to pass this test, or take some class to learn more Catholic doctrine. Ouch...it got me thinking, who am I kidding? Despite several years of Catholic school AND Catholic college AND Catholic Law School, I am pretty darn sure I would flunk the ACRE test...in spades. So, in solidarity with my Catholic teacher friends, (that means you, Casey Ferraro) I am going to bone up on some Catholic fun facts to know and tell, and if I'm learning this ACRE stuff, so are you fellas. (The good news is, you guys get to win some fun and special prizes--and I promise, they won't be just some Holy Cards--the saving your soul part is extra). Your welcome.

So, while one question each night will be Holy, the second question will be totally not. It will be pure American, cultural, low brow, reality TV driven, possible 70s tv genre, maybe some random sports question, People magazine fodder, celebrity driven trivia, no GRE math, no Double Jeopardy, no Masterpiece Theatre sort of questions. Just pure trash. I like to think this levels the playing field a little bit for all of us. Half good, half bad...hopefully this should appeal to everyone.  (OK, Notre Dame just got KILLED in the NCAA tournament. I knew this was going to happen the  minute Marquette beat Syracuse---Go ahead, John Mattuecci, rub it in...I can take it...)

So, to recap this awesome contest: Starting tonight--you will be given two questions: One holy, one not. You have until tomorrow night (probably around 7pm or so) to answer these two questions. Everyone who answers the questions correctly will get points. One point for each correct answer. (so if you only get one of the two right, you get one point) The first person to answer each question correctly each day by posting their answers on the comment section of the blog, will get a bonus point for each correct answer. So, if you answer both  questions right AND are the first answer poster, you can win a total of four points in a day. If you answer both questions right but are not the first to post the answers, you will get two points. If you just get one right, one point...Got it? AND you can cheat like crazy. but again, cheating on a Holy test?? During Lent??? Do so at your own risk...Every night, except for Saturday, I will post the answers to the previous days question, have a rolling tally of contestants points, and will also post the questions for the next days' competition, so you have six days a week to earn points.Obviously, consistency counts. You know Judy and Louis will not miss a single day of question answering, so everybody be forwarned. ( I am not posting questions on Saturday because according to my dad, Sundays are not part of Lent. So in his loophole version of Catholicism, you can smoke, swear, drink, mainline sugar or indulge in whatever you gave up for Lent to your heart's content on Sundays. Of course, my dad also swore that milkshakes were not "sweets" so he could drink them every single night during Lent, but...I do think it's nice for all of us to have a day off)

Now, on to the prizes: Because the last contest resulted in several winners, I am already planning on Five super legit prizes for this contest. The person with the most points can pick the prize they want, the person with the second most points can pick from what's left and it goes from there. Oh, and did I mention, EVERY one is eligible in this contest, even my kids...So, Holy Nate, show us what you've got....
So, here are the prizes in kind of descending order according to face value:

1. Two tickets to the Notre Dame home football game of your choice for this fall (ok, so they suck at basketball, but by all that is good and holy, I KNOW they will win a few football games this year, and besides, Marquette doesn't have a football team, so no weird karma juju going on there) and the chance to tailgate with the masters...(really, to tailgate with us, but you don't have to....)
2. The silver Tiffany Bead bracelet--it's a classic and every chick should have one--win it for yourself, or win it for your lady friend..
3. A $150 Gift certificate to J.Crew--always fits,
4. The silver bead Notre Dame rosary--it is very, very cool and fits with the theme
5. A five gallon vat of Dave McKeon's super special, kind of deadly, home brewed, Long Island Iced Teas delivered to your door on the date of your choice.(or if you live far away, I will ship all the ingredients to make your own)

So, those are the prizes you are all fighting for. (I may kick in a few more, as I am going to London and Scotland  to visit Annie during this competiton and may come across a uber cool international gift that will up the ante at just the right moment...) Good Luck, God Speed, and join the fun.

HERE ARE TODAY'S QUESTIONS:

1. (Holy Questions) What was the Great Papal Schism and when did it take place? (What? you thought I was going to give those tickets away to just anybody?? You  have to earn this)
2. (Non Holy Question) Who is the girlfriend of the step brother of the Kardashian sisters?

Post your answers as soon as possible to get those crucial bonus points....they will really come in handy as the contest progresses.

And because this is still a full service blog, here is TODAY'S TOP TEN

1. The Fitzpatrick Family, including the mother-in-laws, sister-in-laws and kids
2. Poe's Bar on Sullivan's Island, the best burgers and onion straws ever
3. Ben Silver--a super old school store in Charleston
4. The Battery area of Charleston--so beautiful
5. The Beach at the Wild Dunes Resort--miles of sand, no crowds,
6. Hall's Chop House--great steaks AND the owners sent us a thank you note!
7. Jack McKeon--turned 18 on St. Patrick's Day--now legal to buy cigarettes, lottery tickets and a hand gun....scary!
8. The Tory Burch espadrille flats--almost all sold out at Nordstroms, get yours today
9. The Morris Inn at Notre Dame
10. The "You Can't Scare Me Trivia Contest" --enter today, early and often, get in it to win it...

All you need is love.....???

First of all, Happy, Happy Valentine's Day. I am hoping that some man somewhere listened to at least ONE of the recommendations on this blog, (because Dave McKeon sure didn't, but we all know that Dave McKeon doesn't ever read the blog, which is probably a very good thing) and that some woman somewhere is sporting a new piece of hardware, and if she is, that smart man is sporting a big old smile because he has/will get his special reward. Moreover, I hope that each and every one of you ladies got an enormous bouquet of flowers (no mums, no carnations) that was so beautiful that when it was delivered to your place of business it made at least two of your co-workers politely excuse themselves to cry softly in their cubicles in jealous despair...

Interestingly, I got some verbal feedback today on the blog, and one woman told me that her favorite Valentine's Day gift was a new screen door, another told me that all she wanted for Valentine's Day was for her husband to take some lights down from some tree. ...Hey, to each her own. .I can appreciate a screen door as much as the next person, and God knows, I love a man who will perform household chores, but I am still sticking by my life long credo of "If I can't wear it, it's not a gift"... and don't be applying gift status to necessary household items that we probably would have bought any way...I'm not falling for it, it's still not a gift.. even if you put a bow on it...

Hey, remember the good old days of the Burberry Fit Club Challenge? Me, too. Finally, here are the photos of our winners, with their victory scarves...
Directly Below is The Beautiful Mrs. Judy Pulera in her Burberry Scarf....look what you were up against, Louis...tough to beat a winner like Judy...and seriously, Judy really can do like 100 pushups, even wearing the scarf.....not that we need to open that whole Judy vs. Louis protein vs. carbs can of worms...

Now, here is a picture of the equally lovely Angela Fitzpatrick wearing her Burberry scarf as she meets her hero husband Brendan at the airport after his tour of duty in Afghanistan . Doesn't she look amazing? Doesn't he look great? Aren't their kids so cute? I am so honored that the Burberry Fit Club scarf could be a part of this special moment. Ok, admit it, I picked the absolute best Fit Club winners and the scarves are all good.

Every time I see this photo, I just tear up. It's so touching and a great reminder to all of us that so many men and women are in war zones, defending our freedom, our country and our friends. Love is all you need, indeed...... I hope that the Fitzpatrick Family is having the best Valentine's Day EVER. They deserve it....

I must say, nice sweaters on the boys. Coincidentally, the McKeon children wore these exact same sweaters in 2001 for our Christmas card photo to make our own patriotic statement.  Great minds and all that.

I loved these sweaters and made my mom dress the five big kids in them when they met Dave and I at the airport when we brought Posey home from China. It was so sweet seeing them all there to welcome their new little sister to her new country, except Annie exercised her right to civil disobedience by quietly refusing to take her coat off the entire time, because she hated wearing the same sweater as her brothers, and guess what? here is what happens at chez McKeon when you civilly disobey,...your mom chooses a Christmas card photo where you have your eyes closed....Kind of wish you had taken that coat off, huh, Annie? ....I guess she learned her lesson, because as of less  than a year ago, she was proudly wearing the same dress as her little sister for Easter...see above...great photo, eyes open ...all good...

Now, in honor of Love, Marriage, and all that those entail, I am teeing up a column I wrote almost five years ago. And because it truly is a small world after all, one of those couples I refer to in the column is ANGELA AND BRENDAN FITZPATRICK!!! The circle of life....or blogs...or photos....or just coincidence...

      COLUMN ORIGINALLY RUN IN JULY OF 2006 IN THE KENOSHA NEWS

  We’ve been invited to seven weddings this summer—SEVEN!  (four Catholic, one Methodist, one nondenominational and one Catholic-Hindu hybrid).  That’s a lot of fondue pots.  I love weddings. I really do.  I love the ceremony, the music, the dresses, the flowers, the reception, the dancing, the bouquet toss, the whole shebang. My eyes start tearing up the minute I hear the first strains of Pachabel’s Canon.   And by the time the couples say “I do”, forget about it—I’m a blubbering idiot. 

In this day of instant divorce, long term cohabitation, and chronic “hooking up” (whatever that means), I am so impressed by these young people who are consciously choosing marriage.   Generation X (or is it Y? Z?) gets a pretty bad rap for being lazy, whiny, coffee swilling slackers, only interested in video games and cell phone ring tones.  But I’ve got to tell you, the betrotheds we know are seriously stand up people, with major careers, good intentioned life plans complete with low interest mortgages and IRAs.  So far this summer, we’ve been invited to the upcoming nuptials of an investment banker, a sales intern, a dental student, a medical student, a lawyer, an IT specialist, two youth ministers and an accountant.  Not a loser in the bunch. 

 To be willing to make a public statement asserting love and commitment takes some guts.  (and obviously, from the weddings I’ve seen so far—a whole lot of tulle).  I am honestly so touched by the earnestness of these newlyweds, touched by the love they have for each other, the dreams they have for the future, and their untarnished belief in the institution of marriage.  You can see the hope in their eyes and the anticipation in their shaky voices as they make their vows before God, family and friends.  Were we ever that young, that unguarded, that innocent?  I recently saw one of our wedding photos, and we did have that same dewy look that the newly married have.  (and my husband had some really dorky glasses, too).While I wouldn’t trade places, (the first five years of marriage are a lot of work), I do envy them that newness of a journey and the enormous possibilities that their lives together will hold .   

As I enter my twentieth year of wedded bliss (some years more blissful than others—as I like to tell my husband, “It’s gone by like five minutes….under water”), there are so many things I want to say to these newlyweds.  Things like “go ahead and go to bed angry, other wise you might not be getting much sleep.”   “A little champagne and roses, goes a long way.”  “Think mean things about your in-laws, but do not say them out loud.”  But would that spoil the surprises and take away some of the lessons that come from living in a marriage?  I hate to say too much for fear of “scaring single” those yet to march down the aisle.

Mostly, I want to tell these fine young couples, love each other. It’s harder than it sounds.  As your married life grows to incorporate in-laws, careers, children and all the joy and stress that they bring, your partner will be the first one you turn to for help, but also the first one you turn to in anger.  Things will not go as planned, ever, so stop trying so hard.  Some one will get sick, someone will lose a job, the babies will come at the most inopportune time, or they won’t come at all.  Money will be tight, tempers will run short.  And some days you’ll look at each other and barely remember what brought you together.  Remember, you’re on the same side.  Err on the side of kindness, cut each other some slack.  And if you want this union to last for the long haul, be willing to apologize (even when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are so right), and be even more willing to forgive.  Because in a marriage there are moments, days, weeks and even years of such sublime joy and unexpected wonder that you really need to share it with the one you love the most.     

Believe it or not, every one of these couples is still together, five years later...even the McKeons.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, BE NICE, BE KIND, and it's not too late to BUY A GIFT (not an appliance)

Today's Top Ten:

1.  The Fitzpatricks and their patriotic homecoming
2. Tretorn sneakers--I am taking full credit for bringing these back. True story--when I was in college, I rocked the sweetest pair of leather tretorns that I wore out. About five years ago, I found some on line and bought some for me, Annie, and Posey. Then I started buying them for the boys...now, they are all over J. Crew, Olive Juice, Zappos...thank me very  much...I am also taking credit for the comeback of the RayBan aviators...if you don't believe me, I will fight you
3. The King's Speech--it is a great movie. I'm not just saying that. Dave "History Savant" McKeon's gives it two thumbs up and asked the following question: "Is this a true story? Who is that Wallace woman? How come no one has punched that p*$$y David guy yet?" That about sums it up
4. The white enamel Hermes bracelet--did not get it for Valentine's Day...hope someone did
5. www.bustedtees.com   this site has the funniest t-shirts ever. And they are a total bargain. There is one with two astronauts planting an American flag on the moon that says "Finders keepers". Always makes me laugh
6. Gummy butterflies from Harry and David--way better than gummy bears
7. The plaid wool small duffel bags from Filson, especially the green one...could be so cool when I go to London to see Annie
8. Egg drop soup--low cal, filling and full of love
9. Patriotic sweaters
10. The book mark that Posey made me for Valentine's Day--nothing sweeter than home made gifts from the kids,...unless the kids can drive, have a job and a credit card...
    

Have a great day, enjoy the post and a special note to Kim Westphal:

Of course the photos of you with ND athletes count, bring them on, missy. Makes you look cool, makes the blog look cool.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY...YOU'RE WELCOME

Roses are red, jewelry's better
Your wife would be pleased with a nice cashmere sweater.
or get her a purse and a real special belt
some candy, a meal and something heartfelt
The pressure is on, yes, it's Valentine's Day
You'd better come through or trust me, you'll pay
This blog is your friend and your Valentine guide
Just take my advie and you will save your hide.


Okay, fellas, the clock is ticking and it is now T minus 4. Valentine's Day (or Amatuer Night, as Dave McKeon likes to call it) is less than one week away. You'd better get moving. Don't let this opportunity to bank some good will with the missus slip by. Hit this holiday out of the park and you can skate on its rose scented pink fumes well into the middle of golf season. I am going to give you the total inside scoop on Valentine's Day and tell you EXACTLY how to impress the SH*T out of your wife/girlfriend/significant other/crush/whatever. Once again, and I shouldn't even have to say this any more, but....You're welcome.

First, let's be perfectly clear here: Valentine's Day is a total chick holiday. You know I'm right. It just is.  I don't think there is one man in America still harboring a grudge over the vaccuum cleaner  he got for Valentine's Day back in 2004, but as you read this, at least 85% of American women can tell you a very long and detailed story, complete with photos, journal entries and hand gestures, about the year they got stiffed on Valentine's Day...Let's all accept this fact and move on. If you are the one man in America who is expecting a great Valentine's Day gift and whose feelings will be hurt if you don't get it, just stop reading now. As we all know, the only thing guys want on Valentine's Day is a wife/girlfriend who is not pissed off. A super great Valentines Day for him would also include a six pack of Spotted Cow beer and the high probability of getting lucky. Well, gentlemen, you can buy your own beer, but I am seriously going to help improve your chances in the getting lucky department....You're welcome....

First and Foremost--You Must Buy a Gift---I'm sorry but there is no getting around this one. Trust me get a gift.  It doesn't have to be a super expensive gift or even a traditional gift. But the ladies love to unwrap stuff and they will hold it against you if you do not come home on Valentine's Day with something in a wrapped up box. (though they won't admit it...outloud... "No, this card is fine...I guess..") Do not doubt me on this one. If you do not come through with a gift on the front end, you will pay way more on the back end to make up for your transgression. And the last minute hand off of a bag from the Hall Mark store with three generic cards in it (a nice one, a funny one and one from the kids) is not going to fly. ..Let me enlighten you with a little real world example: One year, my very good friend Dianne Amalifitano's husband Michael forgot to get her a gift for some holiday (it may  have been Christmas, but that's not really the point here). He is a doctor and a very busy man, and he just kind of ran  out of time...it can happen...I guess... In a thoughtless moment, he handed Dianne two packs of Dentyne Ice gum and told her that he would get her something for real once he had the time. Now, Dianne actually really liked Dentyne Ice,  BUT NOT AS A GIFT... Needless to say, when Dr. Amalfitano got around to purchasing his actual gift, he had no real choice other than to buy Mrs. Amalfitano a mink coat....from New York.  It truly was/is one of the most beautiful coats I have ever seen, but had Dr. Amalfitano just come through with a gift on the right day, he probably could have saved himself five figures....and a ton of grief...Do not be Mike Amalfitano--bring home the gift...wrapped... .Also, the nicer it's wrapped, the better. Take some time here. Get on your laptop, get in your car, send your kid to the mall, do something, but get a gift...or you are already sunk.

OK, now you are asking..."But, Laurie, I don't know what to buy my wife. She hates all the stuff I get her. Left to my own devices, I will be sadly drinking my six pack alone...." Do not worry, I have got you covered. Sad for Dave McKeon, but very lucky for you, I am the ultimate consumer. I know every great buy, trend and item that will turn your wives head (aside: for ease of writing, I am using the term wife, all of these tips will work just fine with your girlfriend, partner, fiancee, or significant other.) and I am going to hook you up right now, by category, by vendor, and often with great advice to customize these gift ideas in such a way that your wife will think that you actually put some thought into it....again...y.w. Here we go:

Jewelry:  This is a VERY wise option for Valentine's Day for many, many reasons: easy to buy, no fit issues, sends a great message, easy to wrap, easy to hide and looks like you tried kind of hard....So, here are some very legit jewelry selections that will greatly enhance your chances of making your wife happy. If you want to pull out the big guns, if it is a big year for you two or you have some making up to do, bite the  bullet and go to Cartier. Seriously. Now, Cartier is expensive, but some of their charms are really, really perfect and are so unique that no one else will have one and you can pick out just the thing for your wife (there are a ton of them, you can see them on line, but you'd better get cracking, because you are going to have to get the Chicago or New York stores to ship them to you and you only have a few days--one of these will probably set you back a grand, just for the silver ones, but are worth it, if you want to spend that kind of dough) Also, a huge favorite that just screams VALENTINE'S DAY is the Cartier LOVE series. You can buy the bracelet, ring or necklace from this very distinct signature Cartier line, which was designed purportedly for people in love. (Warning: LOVE doesn't come cheap) The series started with the bracelet, which is the best piece because you have to put it on with a screw driver and cannot be taken off, unless you unscrew it, thus symbolizing your eternal bonded love for each other.---While the bracelet wreaks havoc in airport security, (it sets off the buzzer every time, and you can't take it off, so you have to be wanded....), it is a total hit with women. You play this card, gentlemen, and you are forever in .. Dave McKeon anted up for this bauble ages ago, and has bought himself a lifetime of golf Saturdays...He followed up with the ring, because he is a very wise man....

Other super fine jewelry options that won't set you back as much but have just as much impact are those that come in a little blue box...Tiffany has an awesome selection of reasonably priced necklaces and bracelets that all women would love to own: the classic bead bracelet (about $200) , the bead earrings, (she will wear the gold ones every single day) the key necklaces (there is a sweet pink one that is very festive), the heart lock charm (which is only a hundred bucks--though is smaller in real life than it looks on line), even the heart locket key ring (which opens like an locket and gives you the opportunity to look like a total champ if you've already put a picture of the two of you or of your totally adorable kids in it BEFORE she opens it---so think ahead before you get it wrapped ) is a great choice. That key ring will set you back about $225, but coupled with a great card stating something like "everytime you pull out your keys, you will think of me and my undying love...." it will be worth every single penny. Go to Tiffany.com and make your selection. You can still get it delivered by Valentine's Day and I am not lying when I say there is big power in the blue box...use that power....My top Tiffany choices this year are earrings, because I think women like nice earrings and you know that they will fit. Go with the twist mini hoop earrings in silver ($225), the Petal drop earrings or the Elsa Peretti pearls by the yard in pink. (around $300, depending on the length of the earring) All excellent choices. Most anything in the Elsa Peretti line is good, just be careful not to buy the stuff that every  16 year old girl is wearing (mostly the heart shaped "Return to Tiffany" stuff), unless you are a 16 year old boy....

Finally, you can get great jewelry lots of places. The Hermes enamel bracelets are about $500 and worth every single penny, getting a red, white (my favorite) or pink one of these little gems is a total jackpot score. These bracelets are unique, classic and an understated symbol of someone with impeccable taste. The Hermes Store in Chicago can send you one in plenty of time for you to impress the pants off of your wife....Seebecks in Kenosha has many, many fine necklaces and bracelets. If your wife likes those Pandora charms, Seebecks has a million of them and that is a super easy one stop deal. Just go get that pink charm and you are done. You look smart because you know she has the bracelet and Vicky Seebeck will wrap it up perfectly. Done and done. ....Also, EJ Mirage in Lake Forest on the sqare has some very nice pieces of jewelry that are well within a tight budget. If you beg them, you may be able to get something monogrammed quickly--which again, looks like you put WEEKS (rather than hours) of thought into your gift. Their silver rings, especially the rectangular one is begging to be monogrammed with both of your initials, again symbolizing your eternal connection. I know I probably do not have to remind you fellows, but if you are going to monogram something with both of your initials, it goes like this: her initial, the initial of your last name (bigger) than your initial . ex  L M D is the proper way to monogram Laurie and Dave McKeon's undying love. Monogram up something for your wife and you will not regret it. EJ Mirages rings will set you back less than $50 bucks.  But they are actually very nice. But if you plan to monogram your gift, jump on it now. It does take a few days. Now, I am warning you: DO NOT fall for those commercials on TV and go with those heart pieces from those big jewelry chains. Your wife DOES NOT want that heart necklace designed by Dr. Quinn Medicine Women--Trust me. Do  not buy it...For just a little bit more money, you can get her something awesome from Seebecks or Tiffany's. She's worth it...

Flowers: Jewelry is certainly not the only gift to get a woman. And some women (not me, Dave McKeon) have all the jewelry they need. There are plenty of other options. Some women love flowers. And flowers can send many messages. However, there is a VERY important rule to know with flowers---SEND THEM TO HER OFFICE!!  or for you college guys, SEND THEM TO HER DORM!! The whole beauty of a woman getting flowers is to rub her co-workers face in the fact that she has an amour and they do not. Sad, but absolutely true. And while most woman do actually like flowers, they LOVE flowers that publicly declare to every other woman at their office just how cherished they are. Do not minimize the impact that these flowers will have. If you are a very smart man, you will buy a gift AND send flowers to the work place. Please, use your flowers to reflect the thoughtful, sensitive man you are. Any douche can and will send a dozen red roses, and while they are fine,  if you are going to go with flowers, class it up a bit. Send a beautiful orchid, send some perfect pink tulips (my personal favorite)  or better yet, have Rose from Flowers By Joseph --my personal favorite florist--make up an arrangement for you that will stun the woman in your life. However, whatever you do make sure you say these magic words: "No carnations, no mums" EVER.  I don't care if you are sending flowers to your great aunt for her laminectomy. Never send carnations or mums. They scream "cheap, lazy bastard picked these up at the Piggly Wiggly". Send gladiolas, send irises, send lilies, better yet, tell your florist to make up a large arrangement of all pink flowers (no mums, no carnations) of various types and it will be a show stopper. Even a pretty pot of violets, or a big bouquest of pink snap dragons can turn your sweethearts head.

When it comes to flowers, Dave McKeon's credo of "Go big or Stay home", does seem to apply. If you are going to go with the flower thing, stand out from the crowd and make them unique. You can get some pretty nice flowers on line. Just please, do not send flowers with a bear, balloon or any other gimmick. Beautiful flowers don't need accessories attached. And remember, (and this part is critical) send a well crafted message on your enclosure card, something personal, meaningful and heartfelt. If the 80s genius Modern English classic song "I'll Stop the World and Melt with You" was the backdrop for your first date, put that on the card, pal. If she loves the movie "Say Anything" (which is a mighty fine movie) put something like this on the card: "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen...." She'll get it and she will love you for it...Truly, the card can make all the difference. We all know that the flowers are going to die, but if you play this flower thing right, your wife will press one of those flower buds into your fattest book and hold on to your enclosure card for years to come.  That's the kind of statement you want to make with these flowers. If you can't do that, find a different gift.

Clothing: Clothes are always a lady favorite, but honestly, clothes can be one big minefield, unless you regularly buy your wife clothes and they regularly fit her. My advice with clothes...stick to upper body clothing, blouses, sweaters, scarves, even coats. There is a lot of room for error once you get below the waist. Again, unless you have done this one before MANY times, Valentine's Day is NOT the day to surprise your wife with those Citizens of Humanity Jeans she mentioned. If you get them too big, she'll think you think she's a fat ass and be pissed. If you get them too small, she will feel like a fat ass and be pissed. Either way....YOU LOSE. Here are some great ideas in the clothing arena--The red Burberry quilted jacket is always a hit (Nordstrom about $400), (red for Valentine's Day--get it??), especially if your wife likes quality, but is also a bit practical. (the black and taupe are also total classics) , any sort of red /pink cashmere sweater (look at J.Crew or my new favorite PURE Cashmere.) or red leather gloves are cool. If your wife hates red, and many women do, black, camel, gray and taupe are always safe. You all saw what a big hit the Burberry scarf was in the Fit Club Challenge, so hitting that accessory line again is a very safe bet. the pink Burberry scarf is kind of cute too, but if your wife is over 40, she may not like it--A smoking hot red dress will make you a star, but you REALLY have to know your wife. Brian Joyce, husband of the millenium, bought my friend Nancy an incredible fire engine red floor length dress one year to wear to a black tie dance and it was amazing, but that's Brian...He's a professional...I'm not sure how many regular joes (and dave's) could pull that one off. Also, Nancy is a super easy fit, no bulges, no sags, etc...If I were you, stick to the sweaters, coats and scarves.

Accessories: For some women, the best way to their heart is shoes and handbags. Again, great choice because no one ever returned a purse for being too tight. The best purse bang for your buck right now is the Kate Spade black patent leather purse with the red inserts on sale now at Nordstrom ($345). It's a great bag and has that little touch of Valentine Red...But if your wife likes Coach or Longchamp, there are many great choices there too that won't kill your budget. (The Long Champ big tote bags are awesome, and come in many colors--these are all the rage on college campuses) If you have the cash, and your wife is a purse savant pop for something from Hermes, (their red leather Elan bag is amazing, but it also 7 grand) Gucci, Celine or Louis Vuitton. Get the classic ones though, some of the wilder ones are way too faddy and for that kind of money, you want it to last for thirty years. I actually  have a small red Gucci purse that is probably twenty five years old. It is still as cool today as it was when I got it. That is the kind of bag you want to deliver this Valentines Day...

The perfect Valentine shoes are Christian Louboutins. Why? Because they have the signature red soles...They are super expensive ($400-$1,000) a pair, but sometimes you can get them way cheaper on net-a-porter.com. It's worth a shot. Also, Kate Spade has some super cute spring shoes out that any woman would love. Again, kind of like the hot dress, you'd best know your wife pretty well to make this work. However, I will never forget when Lizzie Joyce (daughter of the infamous Nancy and Brian Joyce) told me about how this guy she was dating found these great shoes that he knew she would love and bought them for her as a surprise. I told her to marry him immediately, because a straight man who can buy you shoes comes along once in a lifetime...they are now blissfully shoefully wedded...and I swear to you that shoe story still makes me tear up a little. If your wife is a shoe fan, and really, what woman isn't, go to zappos.com and they will totally hook you up. It's the easiest shoe buying you will ever do. You know this Valentine's Day you want to be the man who makes all the other wives in book club jealous because you got the shoe thing just right....

Also, another great gift for many women is sunglasses. Really. Many ladies want some great sunglasses, but they don't want to spend the money it takes. You can be the champ who gets these glasses for her...Old school Ray Ban aviators are really in, look great on just about everyone and cost under $200 ($189 at Nordstrom). Burberry has great sunglasses, (look for the aviator style at Eyeglasses123.com--I love these) Tom Ford also makes some very cool sunglasses too and he, too, has some really classic looks. Sunglasses are a great gift for the wife who isn't super sentimental, appreciates great details, and spends a lot of time at the pool in the summer.

Now, don't over look lingerie. (ok, maybe I am stating the obvious) Many women pretend that they don't like fancy lingerie, but many kind of do. Even if your wife doesn't want to don it every night, trust me, she will be flattered to think that you want her to wear it, and flattered that you think she can pull it off. Just don't buy the super sleazy stuff. It sends kind of the wrong message. And if your wife is over forty, buy judiciously. You make the call on that one, though, because if you need me to tell you what lingerie to buy your wife, just spring for the locket key chain from Tiffany's and everyone will be much happier.

Romantic Get Aways: The couples' escape weekend is a great Valentine's Day gift. Why? because you get to go too. And Why else? Because every one knows the Hotel Rule....and if you don't know the  hotel rule, call me, Tina Burke, Nancy Joyce, or Carol Sperry and one of us will fill you in...Surprise your wife with a great get away, and you will reap many rewards--I hear Vegas is a great, quick get away (never been--kind of scares me), but a night at the Peninsula, the Four Seasons, the Ritz or the Elysian in Chicago is pretty f'ing great. Also, an overnight at the American Club at Kohler is worth every penny. Kohler is only a ninety minute drive but if done right, it feels like a real vacation. Go really early in the morning, stay in the Carriage House because they give you great food three times a day and you can hang out at the spa for hours (their steam room is the best). Then head out to the clubhouse at Whisting Straits for a romantic lunch or early dinner. The tables by the window have a great view all year round. The Immigrant Room restaraunt in the big hotel is very fine and will not disappoint.

If you are doing the romantic get away and I highly recommend it, there are a few things that you, the gift giver, must execute or the gesture is feeble. First, make all the necessary reservations. Don't leave it to chance. This includes dinner, spa treatments, facials, massages or whatever else your wife will want. Next, and most important, get the babysitter and lock her in. Get all the details set up, get your in-laws, your neighbor, your grandma or whoever to promise to take your kids,so your wife doesn't have to handle that part. Getting an overnight sitter is a huge hassle and you are detracting from your awesome gift if that part is not taken care of. If you can pull off the Valentine's Day surprise, and get all your ducks in a row to sweep your wife out of town on actual Valentine's Day, you are a hero. But  that sort of grand gesture isn't really necessary and while most women think they like surprise get aways, they really don't. Oh, they like the get away, but they don't really like the surprise. Even the world's best husband cannot pack the right accessories for his wife. You  just know he will  forget the attachment to the blow dryer and he doesn't know what moisturizer you really use. So, schedule your weekend vacation (or go mid week--it feels like playing hooky) for a few weeks from now, get all the info, make all the plans and then wrap up a clue, the brochure, the reservation printed off the internet or whatever in a box (remember, she likes to unwrap things) and get some serious mileage out of your gift for weeks to come. Nicely played...

Electronics: Unless you know for absolute sure that your special someone wants a new phone, ipad, wii game or 50 inch tv, don't lean this way. YOU may want an X Box Kinect or NBA jam and think that the latest ipod nano touch is super cool, but your wife/girlfriend probably does not. Similarly, do not get your wife some sort of appliance, sports equipment or gps gadget. Sure, she may tell you that she'd like a new vaccuum cleaner, may some day take up golf or could use a stock pot from William Sonoma but please, do not be the shidiot who gets her one of these things for VALENTINE'S DAY. You will NOT get lucky purchasing anything of this ilk. You will get iced. ***big exception--unless you are my sister Wendy who is dying for a new Oreck and would probably  perform many exciting tricks if one showed up--even unwrapped--on Feb. 14th...pay attention, Tim Nickels, this is info that you need to know..

Dinner: Every dude makes a reservation and takes his lady out to dinner on Valentine's Day. This is not a bad thing, but unless it's in the kitchen at Charlie Trotters, it's pretty pedestrian and will not count as your actual gift. Don't get me wrong, dinner is a safe bet, totally expected and probably kind of required, but spruce it up a little. Put in some extra effort and try to make it count. Don't follow the crowd. Pick some place that is new, different and a bit of an effort. Go into the city, go up to Bacchus in Milwaukee or Gabriels in Lake Forest or Everest or Le Nomade in Chicago. (if you haven't made a reservation, you are probably screwed, but it's worth a try...) Better yet, take her out to a special breakfast. Leave the office and meet her some where fun for lunch. Or if you are game, make her a special dinner on Valentine's Day. However, if you choose to cook at home (unless you are a mighty fine cook, carry in at least part of it) make sure you are in charge of clean up so your Valentine does not have to do the heavy lifting.

The Big Gesture/The Quirky Gift: The last and final category of Valentine's gift is the very specific, very meaningful gesture--that special gift or moment that only your one true love will understand. You can play this one a lot of ways and to be very honest, pulling this one off can be the ultimate score...AND can save you tons of Benjamins. But you have to get it just right, or you will look like a total cheap ass. Allow me to explain...Let's say that you and the missus went to the movies for your first date and bonded over a big box of Mike and Ike's and a tub of popcorn . Recreate that date: Go to a movie that you know she will like, or is similar to your first date movie, spring for the popcorn and dig into the Mike and Ikes. Let her know how special that first date was and not only will she be super impressed that you remembered, but she will enjoy the movie and the treats. Jazz this up with a small gift or token like a CD you made of all the songs from your first year together, or all the songs she loves and you kind of hate (Joni Mitchell, the Indigo Girls, Beyonce's "If I were a Boy" ) and you will be the luckiest man in town. (at a very reasonable price tag) Likewise, give her something that requires knowledge and effort on your part that she will appreciate for weeks to come. Example: sneak her Ipod, load it up with new and better songs, wrap it up (remember, she has to open something) have her open it, and use the new songs as the soundtrack for the special dinner you made, or for the car ride to the cool restaurant you are going. OR another Example: give her 10 coupons for something that she really wants done but you really do not want to do:  like you to put gas in her car without complaining, you to give her a legit massage that lasts more than two minutes, you to be the one to get up with the baby in the middle of the night or you to be the one to make the kiddies breakfast and let her sleep in...the possibilities are endless, and if you pull out the right one, you will be the Valentine's Day superstar. I am not generally a fan of the "homemade" or "certificate" gift, (I really want those Burberry sunglasses) but I would never turn down a month of fill ups (it's cold outside) or five weekend pass from Saturday basketball. Be creative, be bold and go for the big gesture. Any fool with a credit card can get the peep toe Louboutins, (and that's totally cool) but it takes a special sort of man to promise to fold the laundry every week for a month. (sign me up for that one...)

Final word of advice--just remember, Valentine's Day is all about showing the one you love just how special she is. Pick, plan and make the day a special one for her. The bottom line is, your special someone wants to know that you love her, that you get her, that you are willing to put in that extra effort for her and that she is your Valentine. No matter what you give, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, if you do it with a kind heart, a spirit of true generosity and with unconditional, no strings attached love, trust me, you will be a very lucky man.

Well, time is ticking, I hope this helps. Admit it...I've given you some awesome advice...There is no excuse for messing up this Valentine's Day. ..go out there and  make me proud...your welcome.

Although I have already clued you in to a ton of great a potential gifts and cool product, I am still coming through with TODAY'S TOP TEN:

1. Vosges chocolates--I ate an entire box in one day--they are amazing . You can get them on line and in some very fine chocolate shops. --another potential Valentine's Day gift--you can get an assortment right now from gilt.com
2. The New Parks and Recreation--I laughed my ass off at Ron Swanson and his corn rows
3. Megan Mullaly--forgot how funny she is.
4. The plaid shirt/coat for men from LLBean's signature line that I bought for Jack--it's VERY cool
5. My DKNY glasses--they are that sort of nerdy cool. I kind of love them
6. The Green Bay Packers--Super Bowl Champs, and played a heck of a game.
7. Swamplandia!--this is a new book that is super quirky but hard to put down.
8. Dentyne Ice--just kidding--Dianne Amalfitano and her primo fur coat
9. Judy Pulera who  celebrated her birthday a few days ago
10. Valentine's Day--it's not just for amatuers any more. 

Just a warning--my spell check didn't work...go figure...sorry

IN DEFENSE OF THE TIGER MOM

I was at a very fun party last weekend, and I ran into my old editor from the Kenosha News. (Stop right there. If you didn't know me, and read that sentence, wouldn't it sound kind of impressive? I know, I'm impressed, too) Believe it or not, we had never actually met, but we had seen each other's photos in the News (he looks a lot taller in his picture--no offense) He was quite complimentary of my columns (and yet, I got the boot after my three year engagement ran out...) and mentioned one that I had kind of forgotten about. The Bad Kid column. This was always one of my favorites, because I swear I am on a one woman mission to "manner up" the younger generation (yes, somewhat ironic coming from a middle aged woman who swears like a sailor, but other than my foul language, and I am working on it, my manners are pretty Emily Posterific) and make their parents understand the heavy lifting involved in not raising a generation of boors.

In light of the recent controversy surrounding the Chinese mother Amy Chua who wrote the book The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, I feel the need to trot out this article and then provide some commentary to defend Ms. Chua. Here is the article, written almost four years ago now, but the sentiment still rings true:

My family really enjoys going out to dinner, but lately I’m finding it unbearable.  Not because my teenage boys eat like longshoreman, and not because feeding a family of eight at any place without a drive thru can cost more than my first car, it’s just that every time we go out to eat, it’s bratty kid night.  And not at my table. 

 By and large, our kids have been fine out in public.  They’ve eaten in some pretty fancy places (especially when a grandparent is picking up the tab), they’ve flown across the country, they’ve attended plays and concerts, and we’ve taken them to Mass since they were born. (no cry room)  Even when a waitress once dumped hot syrup on one of the boys (hey, free breakfast), no one peeped.  I’m not saying that our kids are perfect by any means, and they certainly are not any more naturally well behaved than any other children, but we always made it crystal clear that we had zero tolerance for poor behavior.  We’ve always been hyper concerned that our little circus not bother other diners, fliers, shoppers, worshippers, whatever. Manners, courtesy, politeness, and consideration for those around you are a BIG deal in our house.  I still say to my brood (ages 7-17), “Maybe families with two kids can act like that, but families with six kids—no way.  They’ll call Children’s Services.”

 I have to admit I’m tired of having my meal, flight, movie, or event spoiled by some kid who is just out of control.  Way too many parents have no idea how ill mannered their children are. I’m not kidding.  Last week, as we were seated at a mid scale family restaurant, chaos was all around us. On my right were three children who just kept doing laps around their table, periodically stopping to throw themselves at their mother and whine for food. The table behind us had two kids, maybe four and five years old, who did sprints up and down the banquet bench, pounding on the glass divider between our two tables, and pressing their ketchup stained faces against the glass.  It was kind of funny at first, (for about a minute) then it just became annoying.  I kept motioning for junior and his little brother to sit down and turn around, I even gave them “the eye”, a never fail discipline trick in our house, but they never flinched.  

Sad to say, these children were not orphans. They were there with several full blown adults, who presumably were their parents. However, none of these adults made any real attempt to rein these monsters in.  Instead, they did what so many parents do now. They give that look that conveys, “Oh, I know this behavior is kind of irritating, but I don’t really want to stop my conversation to actually discipline this child, and frankly, isn’t my kid just so cute?” 

Well, I’m here to tell you, because some one has to—No, your kid is not cute.  Of course YOU think he’s cute, you’re his parent, that’s just nature’s way of ensuring that you don’t kill him when he’s a teenager, but no one else thinks he’s cute. They may say so, or may even act amused, but what they are really thinking is “please go home, please go home, please go home.” A poorly behaved child does nothing to endear himself to anyone.  And here’s a news flash, as the parent, it’s your job to teach your kid to behave.  Sorry, that’s part of the parenting program.  It’s in the handbook, look it up.

And here’s an even bigger news flash, your kids can actually behave.  Trust me, they can do it.  It is not too much to expect a four year old to sit in a chair in a restaurant long enough to eat a meal.  And it is absolutely reasonable to make your five year old sit through Mass without a coloring book, a cold beverage and a bag of cheerios. Your kids can make it through a movie, a concert, an airline flight and a doctor’s appointment, without throwing a fit, without making a fuss, without spoiling the experience for you, them and all the unsuspecting people you will come in contact with.  You just have to make them.  And keep making them, and keep making them.  Don’t make excuses, (She’s tired, she’s hungry, she’s upset, she’s coming down with something…I’ve heard them all), don’t make exceptions (just this once, as long as you drink your milk, because you have a friend over, …..)  You are the adult, and you get to make the rules.  Don’t be afraid to say “No” and don’t be afraid to actually follow through. Your kids will be happier, you will be happier, and if you are sitting anywhere near me in a restaurant, I will be way happier.  Because here is the deal, and I’m telling it to you straight, if you can’t control your seven year old, God help you when she’s seventeen. 

 I haven't read this article in a long time, but I still clearly remember those God forsaken kids in the Cheesecake Factory and their over indulgent parents who couldn't be bothered to keep them in line. And that, my friends, is the circle back point with me and the Tiger Mom..and why I want to defend her here in my blog.

 I will fully confess, I have not read the Tiger Mom's entire book, and who really has to now that she has been interviewed by the Wall Street Journal  twice, been in People Magazine, every other weekly publication and has a reoccurring spot on every morning talk show,? but the gist of her book is that you can get your children to achieve --academically, behaviorally,--  by setting out clear, high, ambitious expectations for your children and then not accepting less. Guess what? It works. It really does. It's not easy, and that's why all the American moms hate the book, because we are all looking for the easy, but staying on your offspring, holding them to goals and expectations that you know they can achieve if they put some true effort into it, is a VERY admirable thing to do. (For an even better defense of Amy Chua, read the rebuttal by her oldest daughter Sophia in the Wall Street journal, who gives a great perspective on the whole thing)

Yeah, yeah, I read the excerpt from the book about her forcing her kid to sit at that piano and play that song over and over again, and I wouldn't do that with my kids, but the reason I wouldn't is because they have no piano aptitude. (i.e.it would be something that they could not achieve even with the absolute maximum effort,-you should hear Posey just butchering her violin--it's painful) But I have done the same sorts of things with behavior, or with grades. I am not going to lie to you. And I'd do it again tomorrow.

Everyone of my kids knows the McKeon Spelling Rule: You are not allowed to get anything less than 100 on a spelling test BECAUSE THEY GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS.  You get the list of words on Monday, they give you the test on Friday. And unless the teacher is going to pop some surprise words on you, you've got FOUR FULL DAYS to memorize them. This is not too much to ask. (of any student, really) and I would be slighting  my kids if I expected anything less. I, like Mrs. Chua,  expect my kids to get straight As, because I know with enough work and some focus they can do that. I will cut them some slack in AP Chem (ok, an A-, but I'm not happy about it or for Jack an A- in AP Econ, but they feel my displeasure, because unless they are going in every day and asking for help, or studying around the clock, I 'm not going to believe their "I tried my hardest" b.s.) Our college kids have been told in no uncertain terms, that we will continue to fund their educations as long as they have a 3.5 average or above. Notre Dame is super expensive. We are willing to make that investment, but only if the kids do their part. I think for our two kids at ND right now, (business and Arts and Letters majors) a 3.5 is more than reasonable. When Jack is there next year and facing Organic Chemistry and Physics, we may adjust the scale for him, but seriously, I don't want to sell him short. And that my friends, is the point that Amy Chua is making: Don't sell your kids short. They can accomplish amazing things, but you, the grown ups in their lives (unlike the slackers at the Cheese cake Factory) may have to force, cajole, haggle, and possibly threaten greatness out of them. And you do it, because you love them, because you know they are worth it, because you know that they can do it, and though you know it may be difficult, you are willing to do the difficult, willing to show displeasure at a 98 on the spelling test, because you are selling them short if you don't.

Likewise, with behavior, and by this I mean being respectful to adults, kind to other children, polite in conversation, putting others first, etc. my standards are ridiculously high and I will not back down.  Please understand something. My kids were not born naturally gifted or naturally well behaved. It is all learned behaviour. To me, Chris McKeon was probably one of the worst behaved toddlers known to man. Seriously, ask anybody at our old Country Club in Ohio. I swear, people would cringe the minute we walked in the gate. It was his inborn nature to be a crying, surly, miserable, high maintenance kid. You've all seen them, well I had one. Chris was so bad that my mom once threatened to ban him from our annual Michigan Family vacation because he was so irritating. However, I was never going to put up with it, and would not allow him to be one of those obnoxious kids whose parents deemed "sensitive", which every teacher knows is a code word for "behavioral nightmare".  It took me close to two years to get him in line, but I was relentless with him, because I totally knew I was doing him no favors allowing his natural surliness to reign.  There were days when he would be back in his room for a time out three times before 8:30 am. I can remember saying to his little three year old face as I was dumping him back on his bed for the 11th time in one day: "I am bigger than you, smarter than you, stronger than you, have all the money and can drive a car. You are never going to win this battle. We will do this my way, all day long, every day until you get it." Eventually, right around his fourth birthday, he got it.  And for those of you who know Chris McKeon, I certainly didn't break his unique little spirit along the way...However, I did hold him accountable for his behavior and would not let him off the hook, because I knew, that somewhere in that squalling, miserable three year old, was a bright, energetic, pleasant boy just waiting to get out. It just took a while....

Trust me, our kids are no where near perfect, and I have to stay on top of them plenty. Constant reinforcement is key, but the incidents get further apart. When we moved here from Ohio, Chris was in the sixth grade. (It's always Chris, the other kids all learned off of his envelope pushing personality) We had been here for about six months, just enough time for him to get comfortable and feel the need to mark his spot on the playground. One day at recess, Chris and three other boys were making stupid comments about a teacher and showing off in a very common, but very ignorant way for a group of girls in their class. I heard about it, and showed him no mercy. I abhor disrespectful behavior. At that point in time, Chris was the leading scorer on his sixth grade basketball team, and they were heading into tournament season. Oh, and in a total fluke, never to happen again, Dave McKeon was his coach. (Really, my cousin Mark was his coach, but they were desperate for a body and Dave signed the paper to coach these kids) So, in response to Chris' behavior, I pulled him off the team. For good. Not just for a game, not just for a week, but turn in your uniform Done!!. God Bless him, Dave backed me up, but the other parents were horrified, and even the principal called me in his office and thought I was being too harsh. I told him my line that I've used more than once since then: "I am not trying to raise a great athlete. I am trying to raise a great man, and I don't care if Chris ever sees the inside of a gym again, but he will be a gentleman, he will be polite, he will understand the behavior I expect." The other three boys on his team  were not punished by their parents at all, and finished out the season.  One of the boys said to Chris: "Man, your mom is such a Nazi, I feel really sorry for you." When Chris relayed this sentiment to me, I said to him, and still mean this today: "You know what, Chris. I know that I am harsh, and I know I expect a lot from you, but I feel really sorry for those other boys. They don't have a single adult who loves them enough to get them to understand just how important it is for you to learn to respect others, treat them kindly and think before you speak. That's what this is all about. I know you can be great, I expect you to be great, and expecting anything less than greatness out of you is a sin on both of our parts." I repeated this exact same punishment with Jack in the 8th grade, with football, when he mouthed off to a teacher. Again, while the coaches and parents were appalled, Jack knew exactly what he had done, learned his lesson and moved on.

We are all in this parent gig together. Everyone is muddling through the best they can. Just get off Amy Chua's back, because her intentions are spot on, and who are we kidding, her results seem pretty good. And she's a professor at Yale Law School, she can't be a total moron. Maybe I am just a tad defensive because I have a little Tiger Mom in me. And unlike my kids spelling tests, I certainly don't have all the answers, but I know that it is a big mistake to underestimate your kids aptitude for greatness. Don't set the bar too low, don't make yours, and likewise, your kids expectations too easy. Childhood goes really fast, and while we all want our kids' childhoods to be filled with unicorns and rainbows, remember, childhood is the training ground for adulthood. And you my fellow parents, are responsible for imparting those lessons, establishing those behaviors, and forcing those high standards that you want your kids to take with them as they walk into the world of the grown ups. Trust me, they're not going to just wake up one day and start getting good grades, being super citizens, building wells in Uganda, helping old ladies across the street and filling out applications to grad school.  It's all learned behavior based on your expectations and your willingness to stick with those expectations even when it gets tough. That's your job. Teach them, show them, force them toward greatness. Everyone of us, including Amy Chua, knows our kids can be great. Don't let them down, don't sell them short by letting them off too easy. Man up and be mom.

With that little diatribe out of my system, on a much lighter note, here are:

Today's Top Ten

1. All moms, especially the bad asses
2. Snow days--it's official, tomorrow is already a snow day
3. Chris McKeon,--for always being the example (ok, mostly bad example...)
4. My new wide suede chocolate brown belt with the black leather accents and round silver belt buckle from the 45 Parallel in Michigan. It is beyond awesome and I am not making this up when I say that I waited almost two years for this bad boy to go on sale. It's worth it.
5. My UPS man who just climbed through a huge snow drift to deliver my cashmere sweaters from PURE
6. "Les Miserables"--the musical. Annie saw it last night in London and was raving. Dave McKeon and I saw it on Broadway when we were first married and after a few minutes, culture hound Dave turns to me and says: "Are they seriously going to sing this whole fucking thing? There are no words? And why are they wearing those rags? What sort of fucking play did you drag me to?" Ahh yes, even after twenty three years of marriage, some things never change
7. Jimmer Fredette--starting point guard on BYU's basketball team. He is amazing, amazing, amazing
8. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies--official snack food of the snow day
9. Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls--she wrote that book about Glass Castles about her crazy family and their dumpster diving ways, which kind of creeped me out, but this book is really great.
10. Steve Lund and the Kenosha News for publishing my ravings.

Have a great day, stay warm, stay safe and stay off the roads as the blizzard of the century arrives.