This may not be what you've been waiting for...

Yes, I realize it has been almost two years since I last posted.  I don't know what else to say, except...to those who may have missed my posts... sorry. And to those who enjoyed the lengthy break...you're welcome.

Last you all heard, I was in Haiti with my sons. Here is a photo of us with our Haitian friends.

Well, we made it home...so that's a good thing. Then I finished up my degree in August of 2012.

Then a whole bunch of other stuff happened that I can't remember. Then I decided to walk through the Notre Dame Commencement Ceremony (again) this May. Here is a photo of me with  my cool, young, hipster friends on graduation day. I am wearing the "Stole of Gratitude". It's a real thing--look it up. Frankly, Dave McKeon was so damn grateful to get me off the tuition plan that he should have been wearing a dozen of them:

Then a whole bunch of other stuff happened that I can't remember. Then we went to Ecuador this summer on the coolest of trips (our trip will be very special fodder for another blog on another day, but for all of you deadbeats who have not yet done it--donate to Andean Health right now, Ok? Here is the link: http://www.andeanhealth.org/take-action/donate/  I mean it. Donate now, please) And admit it, you are all super impressed at just how many links and photos I can now upload to this blog. I wasn't sleeping during my 20 month hiatus. I was upgrading my blogging skills...not really, I was sleeping)

Here is a picture of us in Ecuador. (I know you all probably saw this on the Facebook, but I still really like it, because it looks like we are fit and sporty--we are not fit and sporty):

Consider yourselves officially caught up.  And now for the meat of the blog--warning--it's not super funny or happy or joyful or short...(that really makes you want to keep reading now, doesn't it?) but because many of my most stalwart blog supporters may be able to relate to this topic or at least weigh in, I am posting this anyway.

For the past twenty three years, I have smugly, arrogantly and blithely taken my children's health for granted. Sure, they had the usual stuff, ear tubes, accidents (Annie got hit by a car in 7th grade--super scary--but quick recovery), tonsils, strep, Pete's broken "tape it to a buddy" finger,  etc.  What an unmitigated gift those years have been.  I mean this utterly and sincerely.  And I don't mean to be overly dramatic, or histrionic or anything else, as I fully recognize there are millions of families who have a WAY rougher go than we do, but dealing with an undiagnosed sick kid, even the world's least complaining, kind hearted, happy go lucky sick kid, is just all consuming. And it effects every part of your world.

For the past several weeks, we have been wholly, totally, to the exclusion of all other things, consumed with trying to diagnose and cure the crazy disease Nate developed while we were in Ecuador (I do not think this disease actually came from Ecuador, but that is when the symptoms started and no one can really pin point exactly what our boy has, so we can't rule Ecuador out either)

A not so quick synopsis: On the Thursday afternoon when we were in Ecuador, (July 25th to be exact) Nate told me he was having trouble raising his arms above his head--I teased him about having "John McCain disease" and told him to take some motrin and shake it off.  We had spent the day rafting for several hours to the Pacific Ocean, which truly was even cooler than it sounds--(and I swear to you--we were really freakishly good at the rafting thing, especially Annie McKeon. I know.  I was really surprised, too), so I thought that Nate's arm issue was just over exertion from the awesome paddling job he and Annie led in the prow of our raft.  For the next few days, Nate continued to have joint pain--ankles, knees, shoulders, etc, but he didn't complain at all (I got this info out of him much later, during one of our million trips to physicians when I was trying to align his symptoms to a time line). He was a total trooper (and a bit of an Aleve addict). For the first few days we were home, Nate seemed ok--stiff and sore, but could move around with the help of his good friend Aleve.  By Thursday of that week he could barely move, and at one point as he drove through McDonalds late at night, he could not reach up to get the food from the drive thru and the woman had to throw the food in his car--good thing he did not order a 49 cent cone (which are very tasty, by the way, and such a value).  He finally confessed to me how much pain he was in and how little mobility he had, so on Friday morning (early August) I took him to the pediatrician.  They ran some tests and his liver counts were super high but no one could tell us why or what exactly was wrong with him.   His joint pain kept getting worse and migrating from one joint to another, and several joints at a time (from "John McCain disease" to "FDR disease" and back).

Needless to say, I was not super interested in the whole "wait and see" approach, as I saw my incredibly active son deteriorating before my eyes.  And I knew that he was supposed to be heading off to college in a few weeks, and while I really enjoyed watching Movies on Demand with him every night on the family room sofa, we needed some answers. We went to Froedert the next week and saw the entire infectious disease team (who told me that I basically f'ed up everything I could possibly f up in Ecuador--"Really??  You drank the hot milk?? What were you thinking? You hiked in the jungle? You were in a river??" It just went on and on inferring that I might as well have injected my kid with a syringe full of Ecuadorean poison) .  However, nothing popped on the infectious disease tests and meanwhile, Nate could not open his jaw wide enough to eat a sandwich.  It was just painful to watch.  We bounced back and forth between rheumatology and infectious disease for about another ten days, watching Nate's sed rate and CRP rates climb (indicating inflammation in the body, but not telling us where and what) and getting lapped by all the old ladies leaving the hospital lab. And of course, looming ahead was the supposed start of his freshman year of college. We had less than a week to try to diagnose and cure whatever ailed the boy.

Of course, that did not happen.  We scrambled like crazy the week before Nate was to leave for ND and saw several doctors, all with a different idea on how to treat him.  We heard everything from rheumatic fever, to Lyme's disease, to Tick Borne relapsing fever, to reactive arthritis to rheumatoid arthritis to untreated strep to never to be known or diagnosed freaky ass virus....We decided on a bazooka approach of three heavy duty antibiotics with a steroid chaser and, then took off for Notre Dame.  Before we left, two doctors specifically told me not to send him, as they felt he was too sick.  But in all honesty, I really couldn't tell him after all the work he had done to get there, that he couldn't start his freshman year at Notre Dame and he was super determined to make it work.  (Dave McKeon was freaking out, not because he was afraid that Nate wouldn't make it, but because he was afraid that if he left after a few days, we would  not get our tuition money back)

Things did not go well.  Nate was getting sicker and we were not really prepared for the enormity of his lack of mobility on a college campus.  What seemed kind of manageable at home became really, really difficult when the bathroom was way down the hall and food services was in a totally separate building.  --not to mention classes all over a very large campus.  We had ordered him an electric scooter and warned his rector and academic advisor of his disability, but we were really unprepared. Remember, Nate could not lift his arms above his shoulders, move his hips to walk at a normal pace, or open his mouth wide enough to eat a burger.  At times he couldn't even turn his head. Freshman move in is stressful enough for a healthy kid, but for a kid who has to ride a scooter, can't move his arms, can't stay up past nine, needs to take a nap every day, and who is in constant pain, it was pretty difficult. I unpacked his room over two days, tried to get him organized, but really  had my doubts that he would be staying.

We hit a real low point on the Saturday night of move in weekend and were prepared to throw in the towel and just bring Nate home. I even put a panicky Sunday morning 7am call into our doctor.  She reassured me that he would be feeling worse before getting better, so we were right on track.  For the next two days, tho all the other parents left the University, we stayed on and put together a plan for Nate.  Notre Dame was tremendous.  They worked with us and him--everyone from his rector, to Health Services to his academic advisor to the phys ed department (yeah, you have to take Phys Ed your freshman year at Notre Dame...and even pass a swim test--which Nate could not do--I know FDR could swim, not sure about John McCain--Dave was all for him giving it a try, but his freshman advisor thought otherwise) was terrific.  And it reminded us just how special the Notre Dame community really is.

For the first few days/weeks, things were really dicey.  And frankly, we were just so awkward at making it work, that I think we made things worse.  Managing the ramps, elevators, distance, timing of meds, sleep, school and appointments was beyond our skill set.  I'm not kidding.  And Nate was trying to push himself more than he should have. and he kept running over the back of people's legs with the scooter, AND he was terrible at telling the truth about how much pain he was in or how limited he really was.  When the doctor at ND first saw him, before he had gone over Nate's file, he was like "Oh, we see a lot of kids who feel poorly....you look pretty good to me"  When Nate went back in a few days for  what has now become his weekly appointment (blood work, etc), the doctor actually said: "looking at your blood work, you should be crying on the floor right now--you are either a really happy and amazing kid, or you need some serious counseling because you are in total denial about your pain and how sick you are"  He encouraged Nate to come talk to him regularly, because I think he was worried that Nate would have a break down. (shoot, the one standing on the edge of breakdown or possible divorce is me) But Nate, being Nate, never gets down, or discouraged.  Sure, he wants to be back to normal, and would kill right now to be able to run, play basketball or work out, but he's actually making the best of things and has been using that scooter to pick up girls, cut the line for football tickets and provide campus tours with his friends attached to the back on skateboards.

Nate has been at school for a month now.  He's making progress and has actually been off the scooter except for far distances for almost a week.  He still can't move his arms above his head or run, or shoot a basketball or do yoga, apparently (because Nate can't take the regular ND freshman gym, he's in some special class called "contemporary topics" and they did yoga today--very contemporary, and Nate said he was dying. I'm  no yogi, but I am pretty sure raising your arms above your head and bending  your knees are fundamental in the yoga world. Shit, he might as well have tried the swim test)...but he is managing much better.  We are not really sure if he is getting better, or just learning how to live with his limitations. (Chris swears Nate has just learned to manage and live with the pain)  However, last week for the first time since this whole thing started, his sed rate and CRP have gone down.  They are still way above normal, but we are hoping things are moving in a positive direction.

So, here is the whole take away from this experience for me (besides becoming an expert in tick borne illnesses): I have the utmost, humbling and undying respect for those of you who have chronically ill children. How do you even do it? I've been dealing with this for eight weeks and can barely keep moving. And I am really sorry that I have not been empathetic or compassionate enough.  I'm sorry for all my whiny ass complaining about superficial kid stuff and my big fat ass.  (which is still quite large by the way--Nate on the other hand is dropping weight like crazy, and of course, so is manorexic Dave...) And I probably owe you all a case of wine and a month full of dinners.  And I can never understand for one second what your days consist of but I've got to ask: How can you stand to see your kid in pain? How can you keep going to physicians who, though well intentioned, really don't know what to do next? or who discount the test results that don't fit into their protocol? Do you ever sleep? Does the worry ever go away? Do you ever get off the internet, and stop scaring yourself to death?? And if so, when does this day arrive? Do you ever get over having that pit in your stomach when your kid can't do something they really love? (Nate had to watch his first ND home game as a student in the handicapped section on his scooter with all the old alumni--and his brother Chris--for some reason, this broke my heart) Or when other kids kind of avoid them because of their disability? (Trust me, even the nice kids at Notre Dame were giving Nate a bit of a berth while they were all scrambling to make friends the first few weeks of school. Surprisingly, being attached to a rascal scooter, when you are not a varsity athlete or have a visible injury is not a big draw)

All indicators show that Nate will eventually get better (just not sure when....or how....or why). And he's holding his own at Notre Dame. He is happy, making friends, and doing just fine with the easiest schedule in the history of Notre Dame.  (we totally had to redo his schedule and he is taking classes based solely on location, time of day and number of varsity athletes on the roster) And yet, I still pour over his medical records, I still call him every single day to see what his numbers are, I still make Annie and Chris touch base with him daily to ensure he is not lying to me, underplaying his pain.  I still worry incessantly, I still lay awake at night trying to figure out what else I should be doing (and we will be going to the Mayo Clinic over his fall break if this thing doesn't resolve itself soon) and I still wonder if there was something I've missed.

For those of you who deal with issues way graver than this daily, for those of you who have been dealing with sick kids for years and decades--I'm sorry and I am moved beyond words at how well you all handle your days.  I applaud your graciousness, I am in awe of your good humor, I am humbled by your actions and how you live your lives.  I am even more impressed if you are still married, because I was pretty sure our kids would be celebrating two Christmases for a while there...(stress does NOT bring out the best in our relationship....neither did Dave's 6 hour round of golf on Notre Dame's Warren Course while I was trying to navigate Nate's orientation....). You have my  undying admiration and my utmost respect.  And for what it's worth, this blog is for you.

Now, today's (this year's) Top Ten:

1. 49 cent cones--they are great, especially if you can move your arms
2. The 1818 catazine (catalogue/magazine from Brooks Brothers)--they have really upped their game
3. The shamrock button down from Brooks Brothers--I have it in navy and in green. A total Notre Dame game staple.
4. The Henley dress from J. McGlaughlin--it's pretty much changed my life. I'm not kidding.
5. Kevin Moyer and the gentlemen of St. Eds for sticking up for Nate when he was getting heckled in the stands at the Notre Dame game for sitting down in the student section.  Glad no blood was shed.
6. Drunk History--the best show on TV, hands down.  I know it is messed up, but it makes me laugh so, so hard.. "This guy...This guy is an awkward, ape legged, ape armed..."
7. Andean Health and Development--they are doing some really high level work in Ecuador that is making an enormous impact.
8. I Give it a Year--a totally great little movie on demand, that Nate and I watched not once, but twice during our long motionless nights.  "The sound track of my marriage"...
9. Skinny Pop pop corn--only 39 calories a serving--except if you eat the whole bag...
10. Nate McKeon--total trooper, medical mystery, scooter hooter.

Now that I'm back on the blog again, I promise to post up regularly.  thanks for hanging in there.

posting from haiti

You know its a real contest when you are getting a post from haiti. I'm doing this on my international blackberry so forgive the even more typos than usual.

No time to score last week but keep up the good work. But I do have this weeks contest:

Best stocking stffer for a ten yesr old boy

Your welcome for that special gift brian and john. So stop your whining. You guys not only have ten year old boys but you used to be one. Don't waste this opportunity fellas.

And let's all take a moment to revel in the marvel of the crackberry.

That s all for now. Let's ring up the blog ticker. Do it for the children.

And Chris is my favorite son for posting this. Viva la revolucion!

MCYMC--THE BEST OF WEEK ONE

I am currently on page 16 of this f***ing paper and sliding into home. Man, I can't wait to get this monkey off my back.  I am way too old for this late night "desperation leads to inspiration" form of academia.  Hell, I'm way too old for academia....because pretty much all of the gifts you all suggested for mother in laws are gifts that I would want myself....Of course, everyone knows that I have always been a closet 80 year old: bone china, monogrammed napkins, personalized stationary (I love that shit too, Sara) the  Zodiac room at Neiman Marcus (home of the blue haired Michigan Avenure shopper--but their popovers are well worth dodging the three pronged canes) low heeled pumps, all white bedding, cashmere cardigans,  broaches, champagne flutes, refusing to address elders by their first names....yep, I would love anything of your MIL suggestions...except the coffin.

 Because of my love for you all and this blog, I am taking a break from my crap paper to announce tonight's top gift suggestions.  Consider this your MIL Christmas wish list and whatever you decide to get for your mother in law, please pick up an extra one for me to give to mine. Here's a little aside: I have a great friend in Ohio named Roger who had a beautiful store full of lovely gifts and personalized stationary (he still does my William Arthur Christmas cards). Every year, I would go into his store and choose a thoughtful, fairly expensive gift for my mother in law: orrefors bowls, sterling silver broaches, inlaid frames with photos of the children, and once even one of those backrests that you put on your bed (some call them a "husband") monogrammed of course. She never really liked any of them, so finally, it got to the point that I would go into Roger's store and say: "Can you just find me a $30 gift that my mother in law will hate as opposed to a $100 one that she will hate even more" . So, here's a little mother in law pointer from me to you: If you are the daughter in law, you might as well pick out a cheap gift for your mother in law because she's going to hate it either way...save yourself some money. All she really wants for Christmas is for her son to call her once a week and tell her that her cooking is way better than yours...go ahead and make the call, Dave Mckeon....it's totally true..
The suggestions for the week are stupendous, very impressive to say the least. It was very tough to choose the top five, so I am wussing out and choosing the top ten.  Now remember, the next step is  for you top tenners and everyone else to log into this blog (a lot) and vote for your favorite suggestion. Please don't let me down with this whole voting thing. This is a highly crafted contest shamelessly put together to bring this blog up to 50,000 hits by Christmas time.  So, let's please bring out the vote. If Chaz Bono can get enough votes to stay in DWTS for six weeks, we should be able to muster up a few thousands hits for this blog.

Before I list the top choices I just have one question: Jessica, who the hell is your mother in law?? And how much must you love her to give her a St. John suit and Manolos??? Seriously, please divorce your Dave and marry one of my sons. I will be your mother in law any day, any time. Do not take this the wrong way, but there is no way this ridiculously amazing gift suggestion can be in the top ten because it is just way too nice for anybody. And I don't want to have to buy this top shelf ensemble for the eventual winner of this contest. To safeguard against that very expensive proposition, I am pulling it out of the mix right here, right now.

Without more ado. Here are the top ten Mother In Law gift suggestions for this holiday season, in no particular order:

1. Broomstick---courtesy of Tricia--still makes me laugh
2. Vosges Chocolates--suggested by Kim/Brenna--these are terrific chocolates and a perfect gift for your MIL--because hopefully she will share them with you. Sometimes, gilt.com will have these on sale on their site. A few months ago  I bought and ate an entire box.  Worth every penny and every calorie.
3. Orla Kiely purse---recommended by Angela--can't wait for my sons to get married if my DILs give me a gift like this.
4. The Claw--a thoughtful suggestion from Jamarcus. Please don't discount this excellent gift--family fun for all ages.
5. Kringle of the month-give this to your MIL, and you, too, can be the happy recipient of a used small kitchen appliance
6. Huge basket filled with MIL Favorites--a wonderful idea from Judy, and think of all the great things you can put in it...(a carton of Benson and Hedges and See candies, perhaps?)
7. Louisville Slugger--ooh, Larry Sanchez, you've done it again. The gift that just keep on giving.
8. Kodack Digital Frame--this really is a great gift--nice job, John---this is not just a chick contest...
9. Anything from Seebecks---Brian Pond--I'm giving you this one. It's a damn fine suggestion and if you go into Seebecks and tell them you need a gift for your MIL, they will not lead you astray.
10. Personalized Stationary----recommended by Sara Pond, who is going to be a real contender in this contest know I love it, so it has to be perfect for all the old ladies

Now remember, get out there are drive the voters to the blog--We need to be able to pick some winners. The voting continues to run until Saturday...vote early, vote often.

I will tally a final score for the week once we get the votes going and  I get this paper done and done

Man, this Penn State thing is just wild.  How in hell can any self respecting person  NOT report someone abusing a child??? And now the campus is rioting over the firing of Joe Paterno...I really am an 80 year old lady because I find this so reprehensible that I can 't even stand it.

OK, NOW IT'S A CONTEST

I am absolutely certifiable for starting a contest right now (who are we kidding? I was always certifiable) but I have this killer idea for an awesome contest and I can't let it go--accounting paper be damned...(page 7 and counting) I will fill you all in on the details of the contest, but before I do, here are the top ten reasons why I have NO business starting anything right now, let alone a big old blog contest:

1. I am only on page 7 of my accounting paper--13 pages to go and I have to turn it on by Friday
2. I haven't even looked at my notes for the accounting midterm I have to take on line before I leave for Haiti on Saturday.
3. I'm going to Haiti (with Nate, Pete and Chris- you know this is not going end well--you know one if not all of us will be getting something---malaria, typhoid, cholera or all of the above. In addition, Dave McKeon is pretty sure that somehow, I will piss someone off and either get shot or kidnapped--either way he reserves the right to say "I told you so" and to negotiate with the kidnappers to lower any ransom demands.).
4. I am currently about 300 pages behind in my reading for my Law class--(little aside--I am super miffed that I did not get the highest, or even the second highest grade in my law class on our midterm--I have a freaking law degree....WTF???)
5. Over the next month, I have to take and hopefully pass all of my finals (that's the plan, anyway)
6. I stupidly agreed to write some chapter for some bogus book that one of my professor is publishing (what was I thinking?? ..book deal, that 's what I was thinking)
7. I haven't cooked a meal in weeks and my kids are living at the wing stop.
8. I am doing Thanksgiving at my house (again, seemed like a good idea at the time) 
9. I am old and continually exhausted (nothing new here)
10. These blog contests take a ton of time, and I have none left.

However, these are the top ten reasons why I should do this contest:

1. I promised John Heinzman that I would
2. My blog friends always make me laugh
3. Louis and Judy Pulera haven't thrown down for months now
4. Angela will be up all night with the baby and needs something to do
5. Barb Clark hasn't won a Burberry scarf yet
6. I miss Stacy and her jokes, Tina Lampe and her niceness, Brenna and her gracious comments...and all of the Stedsmen
7. Sleep is unnecessary and over rated
8. It's an awesome contest--I'm not kidding
9. Without a contest I cannot be trusted to ever post a single word on this blog
10. All I want for Christmas is 50,000 hits

So, because the pros so outweigh the cons, I am starting, right this minute, the Merry Christmas to You and Me Contest. (MCYMC) This contest will be a great help to everyone during the always hectic Christmas season.  Moreover, it is totally engineered to make the ticker on the blog go through the roof.

 Here is how it's going to work.  Every Saturday or Sunday (cut me a little slack here, ok? my schedule is crazy and I never do my homework until the last hot second so while my intentions may be good, I don't want to be totally locked into some schedule that I can't make workand I don't want John Heinzman riding my ass for being late with a post) I will name a category of items and you all must make recommendations within that category for great Christmas gifts, hopefully complete with a little description and where to buy said gift. See how this benefits everyone? Then, later in the week, (probably on Wednesdays) I will narrow down the entries to the top five and then, from Wednesday until that Saturday, every one, every where (you all included) gets to vote on the ones they like the best.  Points will be awarded for every entry, bigger points will be rewarded for the top five and then HUGE points will be awarded to the weekly winner. As we get closer to Christmas, and I finish my school semester, I will probably narrow the time table, but for now, this is all I can realistically commit to...

Here is an example: Let's say the category for this week is Men's Accessories- then, all of you guys send in legitimate ideas for great Christmas gifts in that genre--John Heinzman will say "Hermes tie", Judy Pulera will say "Tiffany engraved cuff links" , Chris McKeon will say "Filson belt", Dave McKeon will say "Fifth of Jack Daniels", Angela Fitzpatrick will say "BabyBjorn", Brian Pond will say "Kardashian sister"  ...you get the idea. You can enter as many times as you want as long as it is a new entry. Also, please try to come up with new ideas and not items I have put on my top ten lists before--Hey, I have very limited time this year and I am counting on all of you (this means you, my new bestie Jessica with the over the knee boots) to find some great loot that I can click and buy AND, because I  really am seriously trying to get 50,000 hits before Christmas, PLEASE encourage every one you know to vote--early and often. Finally, if anyone has any hard to buy for people on your Christmas list, feel free to suggest an appropriate category so we can, as a loving group, help you with your Christmas shopping needs.



Oh, and in terms of the prizes, I will be culling them from the suggestions you all provide--so, let's get some good ideas here. The gift you suggest, just may be the gift you end up winning... how's that for incentive??

So, the very first category in the MCYMC is: BEST GIFT FOR A MOTHER-IN-LAW...I know it's a hard one, but we might as well start with a bang...this is one that I'd love a few (hundred) suggestions for, so have at and give me your best ideas...and remember, try to give some supporting details so others can use your suggestions...

The Christmas season has officially begun--the contest is ON!  good luck, go shop and make me proud.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

Holy Christ, it has been ages since I last posted.  Sorry.  Without a contest to keep me committed, I am a total slacker. However, I cannot do any contests until I finish my 20 page accounting paper---and I can't finish my 20 page accounting paper until I actually start it....  But here is my philosophy on accounting papers...."She don't read, she just look at the numbers"  (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)  Oh, Becky Cunningham, I only wish you knew how often you were quoted in the McKeon house hold.("she don't cook, she just look at the drive thru; she don't clean, she just look at the dust bunnies; he don't read, he just look at the amount due..."--we've got a million of them)

 For those of you who really want a new contest, I suggest you all pool your resources and pay some local accountant to write me up a 20 pager, complete with charts, graphs and bibliography, post haste (yeah, I'm talking about you, Jeannie Fredrickson, and you, too, Kristi Ambro) Once that paper is done, it's all contests all day. 

Now on to this special post. Yes, yesterday (now, the day before yesterday--it took me a while to figure out how to get those photos in...and then I went out to drinks with my friends last night for my birthday...and then I was just useless...please, pretend like this post went up yesterday, Ok?) was my happy birthday and thanks to so many of you for the great birthday wishes. Excellent, excellent use of the Facebook to wish your friends a Happy Birthday. I enjoyed that part immensely and I have to tell you, I enjoyed my birthday immensely as well. And do you know why? Here's why...  Because I made a solemn vow not to do one hot thing all day that I did not want to do.. not one thing. .Now, please read this correctly. I did not say that I spent the day doing exactly what I wanted--that would be too much, really, because as you all know, my wants are endless and boundless (trip to Paris, the Hermes birkin bag, dropping a quick 20 pounds, lunch with Babe Paley and Slim Keith, guest spot on Revenge, book deal...)Hell, I'm not asking for miracles. I just wanted to spend ONE day not having to do the day to day, bullshitty, obligatory things that take up at least 90 percent of my life--think about it, how often do you get to spend an entire day not doing things you hate?? ? Um, like never...So yesterday, with the exception of having to take Pete to the hospital for a quick hand x-ray, (slight glitch in the day of freedom, but it went pretty fast and I spent the whole time reading the article about learning how to be a butler in the Town and Country I brought with me, so it really wasn't too bad, and I actually kind of did want to take him and get it over with so I wouldn't be that mom who lets her kid sit around all week with a broken bone...oh wait, that's my sister Wendy...) but I really did spend pretty much the ENTIRE day, not doing anything I didn't want to do...and while it was not the most exciting day, ever, it was total aces to me.

Here are the things I did NOT do on my birthday:

• Write a single word of my 20 page accounting paper
• Read the 300 pages that I am behind in my law class
• Even recall that I am taking a leadership class
• Check the laundry chute
• Turn on the stove,
• Turn on the  oven,
• Turn on the toaster, dishwasher, iron, vacuum or any other household appliance (total dream day right there)
• Cook food
• Fold laundry
• Go to the grocery
• Go to the bank
• Go to any meetings
• Touch any cleaning products
• Attend the Varsity boy's soccer dinner--sorry, but I have been attending these dinners for the last 15 years and unless they are going to start serving alcohol at these functions, I will always be a reluctant attendee---missing this was just about the highlight of my birthday-no offense to any kid, mom or person involved-(especially my son Nate)-
• Make the requisite dessert for said soccer dinner...Nate bought a nice pie from Cold Stone on his way..Done and done
• Schedule a home repair
• Wait for the cable guy
• Listen to any whining, complaining, nonsense or back sass
• Suffer any fools
• Get on the scale
• Wear too tight pants
• Pretend to care about the odd dreams anyone had last night
• Pretend to care about the meetings Dave had at work
• Pretend to listen to any stories involving little plastic animals
• Feign interest in my mother's health issues
• Feign interest in anyone's health issues (even Pete's thumb...we got the x-ray--negative by the way--but I didn't pretend to be interested...however, just ask me how to serve the cheese course--that butler article--very interesting)
• Engage in pointless conversation
• Make sure kids did their homework
• Pay bills--who we kidding? I don't pay the bills anyway
• Watch educational television

Things I DID do on my special day

• Ate a big breakfast at the Coffee Pot with my kids and my friends (courtesy of the McTernans, at a decked out table...terrific)
• Read Dominick Dunne's last novel Too Much Money.. This is the book he wrote right before he died.  I love Dominick Dunne, read every single thing he wrote in Vanity Fair, and this book is very autobiographical. The main character is totally based on Dunne's life right down to having a murdered daughter. However, at the end of the book, the Dominick Dunne character reveals that he is gay.  Query: Is Dominick Dunne gay? Which honestly, would only make me like him even more, but seriously, if this is true, how did I not know? When did this happen? Did I miss an episode or something?  I am expecting Judy Pulera and Tricia Heinzman to set me straight on this one...Anyhow, it was a great birthday read.
• Read the latest Town and Country Magazine
• Talked on the phone to my happy birthday wishing friends
• Received many, many great birthday wishes on the Face Book
• Checked the Face Book more than once
• Admired my amazing Halloween decorations--Here is a photo of the mantle--it is killer-the whole house looks great--just ask Catherine Hicks (Annie's friend, not the mom on Seventh Heaven...my obscure celeb recall is rather savantish...)

Can you read what this says? It says HAPPY HALLOWEEN WITCHES--total classic. it makes me laugh all day long--and this is just the tip of the Hallween decor iceberg--Happy Halloween, witches..

• Talked to my college aged children who called to wish me many happy returns
• Received two (not one, but TWO) killer Notre Dame Flags for my birthday (actually got them a little earlier--we flew them at the USC Game--don't bring it up--but they are crazy awesome, and here is a picture of my birthday flags--the top one is an ND flag with everyone in our families' name on it, the bottom is the McKeon family crest--which is full of symbols--ask Dave for the official explanation--I'm pretty sure they all mean "House full of shidiots". However, please note that the flag pole is perfectly straight as it is the best flag pole on the market--again, just ask Dave McKeon, as he now has a PhD in custom flags and flagpoles. Seriously, these flags are top drawer. I love them. They are the perfect exception to the general rule of : "If I can't wear it, it's not a gift..." These flags are so cool, I may actually wear them...given enough long island iced teas...

• Ate a great dinner at the club
• Hassled Nate for being late for my birthday dinner (he was trapped at said soccer dinner)
• Laughed at Pete's impressions of his English teacher
• Unwrapped the DVDs of the last two seasons of Rescue Me, courtesy of Nate and Pete (tardiness forgiven, Nate) Well done, boys...
• Discussed whether or not kids today are better educated that kids 100 years ago  (Nate and Pete: "Of course we are". Me: "Well, the average kid today is probably better educated because more kids go to school, but you guys compared to young men really educated at a decent school in the 1910s? No way....those guys were reading Greek and Latin, studying the Magna Carta and memorizing Shakespeare...you two can barely spell Shakespeare...and neither can your friends." Dave McKeon: "You kids are all a bunch of dumbasses, especially Chris"
• Bought several more books for my nook
• Went to bed before 11 (super early for me)

All in all, a very fine day.  Again, thanks to everyone who sent out birthday sentiments---especially my friend with the freakishly good voice who left a singing birthday message on my cell phone. You know I saved that, right?

Now, and it's been such a long time, but here is today's top ten--saving the best for last..

1. Cake from Beth Mattuecci's cake lady
2. Posey's new blue suede primigi boots--you have to see them to truly appreciate them
3. The Lalique earrings on sale right now on Vivre.com--a killer deal and they are just as pretty in real life. I should know--I bought them. 
4. The awesome dress I received from my birthday pals from Strawberry Fields in Lake Geneva. It is made out of men's suits--and is absolutely perfect--thanks, ladies
5. Let's Bring Back--a phenomenal book Annie gave me full of classic things that I love (like brooches, consomme, garden parties) that need to be revived...it is a masterpiece. Thanks, Annie...and I hope you all know, that I singlehandedly brought back Tretorn sneakers about four years ago--they can now be seen in J.Crew--you're welcome.
6. J. McLaughlins--great store that I first encountered in Georgetown--bought a great coat there--There is one in Charleston and now there is one on  the square in Lake Forest where Penny's From Heaven used to be...received a dynamite birthday gift from there...thanks, Carol.
7. The Bitch magnet from Judy Pulera--I'm still laughing.
8. The Neiman Marcus Christmas book, which is offering its usual crazy high end gifts--but did you notice that this year they are offering a wooden boat modeled after the always classic, never to be replicated Chris Craft??? of course they are....
9. The Notre Dame flags--they have to make the list
10. Mary Grace Fitzpatrick-- the new baby daughter of our own Burberry scarf winning Angela Fitzpatrick and her super husband Brendan.  She is just beautiful and much loved by her two big brothers, Jake and Henry. Just another Fitzpatrick to love...congratulations and love to the whole family...babies make the whole rest of the world make sense...

And on that happy note. I sign off.  However, I really will post more because I made a solemn promise to my good friend John Heinzmann, and I am nothing if not a woman of my word...but again, no contest until somebody (anybody) finishes that accounting paper...

STRATEGY FOR THE FACEBOOK

As I alluded to, I have been dabbling in The Facebook. And now they kind of changed the look of the Facebook and I am even more lost and less interested. I can't really "chat" or talk on it, and don't really want to. I don't understand the news feed part, but now that doesn't even show up, so I'm  glad I never spent the time to figure out how to use that part. Finally, it appears to me, that most people just use The Facebook as a big, gratutious photo album and I am totally down with that... for a couple of reasons: 1. becaue I don't know how to down load pictures on the Facebook, so other than the three that are on my page, I'm pretty safe, and 2, this whole photo thing aligns nicely with my  FB strategy,

Yes, I have a strategy for the Facebook. and I call it "just looking at the pictures". Really, that's pretty much all anyone does, who are we kidding? Except for the few who down load news feeds and make sassy comments (talking about you, John Heinzman) everyone out there is "just looking at the pictures"... I did not invent this strategy  of  "just looking at the pictures". As a matter of fackt, this strategy existed way before the Facebook. I adapted this strategy from one Becky Cunningham, a consummate "garbage professional" that I've had the pleasure to know.

Allow me to explain: When we lived in Ohio, people had to pay for private garbage service. We used a nice service called "Don Haynes Rubbish". Now, Don Haynes did a good job, of picking up our mass quantities of garbage, until Christmas 2000. This was the year we adopted Posey, and because we were in China from the end of  November through the first part of December, I bought all the kids' Christmas gifts on line, before we left. Needless to say, come Christmas Day, we had tons of cardboard boxes and packaging to dispose of.  So, Dave McKeon broke down all the boxes, wrapped them up in twine and set them out with our garbage cans for pick up. Don Haynes came, took the garbage, but left the large bundles of neatly tied up cardboard. I quickly called old Don Haynes and left this message: "Hello, this is Laurie McKeon at 2720 Alta West Road. It's 7:30 in the morning, and your guys just left, but they didn't take any of the card board boxes that we had neatly tied up with the garbage. Could you please come back and get them? You are the garbage carrier, come back and carry away the garbage, please..." Surprisingly, Don Haynes's guys never came back...and old Don Hayes never called. Instead, he sent me a nice little note on "Don Haynes Garbage man Letterhead" that read: "Git (sic) someone else". No joke, I got fired by our garbage carrier.

For several months, I kept that dismissal letter taped to my kitchen cabinet, to remind myself to be a little nicer, but  i got over Don Haynes pretty darn fast as he was soon replaced by the Cunninghams.-- a small, start up family  garbage service who made up for their lack of expertise (and teeth--seriously, they would come pick up the trash, three in the front seat of their garbage truck and not a full set of teeth between them--sometimes even the grandma would be with them. I'm a sucker for a family business empire) with a gung ho attitude and a willingness to collect all things trashy. When I called the Cunningham operation, I had the pleasure of talking to Becky, the brains of the organization. (her brother Billy was the truck driver/brawn). Because regular trash collection was critical to my household, I was truly desperate to find and keep quality garbage service, I asked Becky if her company had any issue with picking up cardboard boxes, or had any other garbage restrictions. And Becky laid it all out there for me, telling me: "We don't take paint, we don't take tiiires, (for years I thought she meant "tars", but I eventually realized she meant "tires") and we don't take dead animals"....I told Becky I could live with that, (I guess I would have to dispose my dead animals elsewhere) and promptly paid her for a year's service, figuring she wouldn't fire me, as she and her brothers would have already spent their year's advance on Slim Jims and flaming hot cheetos.

I continued to pay the Cunninghams by the year,( just a little garbage insurance) When we moved from Mansfield we obviously had a garbage credit, which was no big deal, money well spent However, once that garbage credit was over, Becky Cunningham kept sending me bills. Finally, I called her and said: "Hey, Becky, we haven't lived at the Alta West address in over five months. Didn't your brother  notice the changed name on the mail box?"  And she said, with not an ounce of irony: "Oh, Laurie, he don't read,... he just look at the number" ( I LOVE this quote...I use it all the time, even when it doesn't apply....think about it, just about anything can happen and you can say; 'Oh, he don't (fill in the blank) He just look at the number) And thus, a Face book strategy was born....She don't read....she just look at the pictures... Becky Cunningham, a visionary..who knew?

So there you go, now you know how I use "The Facebook" Just keep those photos coming, because she don't read, she just look at the pictures..."

Tonight's Top Ten:

1. The Art of Feilding  a great, much hyped book by Chad Harbach, who grew up in Racine and actually went to St. Cats.
2. The assorted licorice tub from Harry and Davids--very tasty
3. The slim cargo cords for girls in the Tea Collection catalogue-great colors and just enough hipness
4. Footloose--old and new-I will not lie, I am dying to see the new Footloose
5. Happy Endings--great little sit com that just makes me laugh
6. Black watch plaid blazer from J.Crew--it's old school/new cool- plan on seeing it a lot this winter
7. Revenge--the show that comes on after Happy Endings--a total guilty pleasure featuring Amy from Everwood (another fine television drama that only I watched....)
8. Mary Chapin Carpenter--she came back into my life via Dave McKeon's ipod. Man, her first album was really, really good
9. "Go, Irish" --the phrase, not the team...well the team, too, but I am trying to make the phrase "Go, Irish" become a universal salutation or exclamation like that stupid "Roll, Tide" (ok, Roll, Tide is kind of cool, but I want "Go, Irish" to go platinum.
10. Chai Ling--Annie's boss from the summer, was a student leader in the Tiananman Square hunger strike in China, sought political asylum in the US, earned degrees from both Harvard and Princeton, started a super software company, then used that money to fund All Girls Allowed, was nominated for the Nobel Peace prize twice and just wrote a new book A Heart for Freedom. She is super impressive--go buy her book.

Well, that's it for tonight, Sorry these posts are few and far between. School is messing up my blogging time....dang it. Hope to get back at it, but I'm not making any promises....Oh, and by the way, the spell check isn't working....good luck with that.

"AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

My homework for the night is done, I do not have on line school, and so I turn to the blog, to post up and create a close knit bond that the Facebook cannot provide.  (More on the Facebook in my next post...)

As Dave and I half -assed watch the Packers (who look freakishly good, by the way), we dissect our days and chat about important topics. Here are a few observations and conversational sound bites from Casa McKeon--(some game related, some not):

• Me: "What the hell is up with Al Michaels hair? I swear to God he sprayed it on his head out of a can". Dave: "You're right....ouch--. He's an announcer--who gives a shit what his hair looks like?" Me: "Him, I guess"
• Dave: "Is Kid Rock retired or something? or on the State Fair Tour? Why is he playing at the Packer game"  Me: "I don't know..."
• Me: "Nate and Pete spent $30 at Burger King buying dinner for themselves and Posey" Dave: "Why do you let them eat that shit?" Me: "Because the cleaning ladies came today" Dave: "What?" Me: "You know I hate to mess up the kitchen the night of the day that the cleaning ladies come. All I ask is that the  house stays clean for ten good hours after they leave...Is that too much to ask? " Dave: "So I take it, I'm not getting dinner?" Me: "Burger King is open" ....Dave: "KFC it is...that grilled chicken is alright..." Me: "Good call"
• A commercial comes on for that new show with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, "Up All Night" I think it looks kind of funny. Dave says: "What? They have only one kid? A baby? You can't have a show about that...that's not even enough material for a commercial. One kid doesn't even count--that's a f'ing party. Shit. People have a baby and they think they deserve a TV show??? Then I deserve a f'ing mini series"
• Dave: "Why do so many Packers have long hair and wear those stupid stocking caps? They look like a bunch of P*$$ie". Me: "They look ok"
• Dave McKeon: "Are you rooting for the Packers?! You grew up outside Chicago. You can't root for the Packers!" Laurie: "I am Packer neutral. They seem like an ok team to me....." Dave: "Traitor"
• Jack McKeon via phone: "Are you rooting for the Packers?" Me: "Kind of. Why? Do you hate the Packers. like dad?" Jack: "I don't hate the Packers, I hate the Packer fans..."
• Dave McKeon to me: "I saw some article in the Wall Street Journal today. You are not going to f'ing believe it...There was a whole article talking about 'murses' and 'mewelry'. I had to look twice. The WALL STREET JOURNAL was writing about  MEN'S PURSES (murses) and .MEN'S JEWELRY. (mewelry) Apparently men need some sort of a satchel to carry their 'mewelry'. What the hell happend to a brief case? Is the whole world just overrun by pussies now?.If I were a woman  today, I'd just start beating men up....they totally deserve it. " Me: "Well, what did it say about "murses" and "mewelry"? Dave: "Hell, I didn't read the article. I just turned the page. I don't want to read about shit like that..I've got a business to run, ...and it's not selling murses to p*$$ies"
• He continues: "Do you know who the face of the "murse carriers" is?" Me: "Tom Brady?" Dave: "Yeah, him too, but I was talking about Andrew Ross Sorkin, the pussy on Squawk Box who wrote that stupid Too Big to Fail book. He's on at 5am." Me: "You are the only person in the United States who knows who he is, let alone that he would carry a "murse". Dave: "Shit, everyone knows he's a pussy" . Me: "Okay, but Tom Brady is the spokesman for Ugg Boots. That pretty much makes him the King of the P*$$ies". Dave: "Yeah, but his wife is a super model. That counts for something. You know Sorkin's wife can and does beat him up regularly---probably with his "murse'"
• Dave--as an aside during the "murse" tirade: "That big, fat F'ing Raji (on the Green Bay Packers) looks like he's lost a little weight. He's a big F'cker. I think he probably weighed 400lbs last year. He looks like a trim 350 lb. now" Me: "you don't say"
• Followed by: Dave: "When I saw that article, the only thing I could think of was...my son Chris. He would totally carry a f'ing "murse". Me: "I don't think so, maybe a messenger bag"  Dave: "Which is a f'ing murse...admit it. our son is a p*$$y" Me: "Well, I don't think Jack would carry a "murse". Dave: "He'd f'ing better not"...Pete comes down stairs:
• Dave: "Hey, Pete, who's a bigger p*$$y? Tom Brady or Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Pete: "Who is Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Me: "Told you so" Dave: "Our kids don't know shit about current events..." Me; "The dude who wrote "Too Big to Fail" and carries a purse is not a current event...." Dave: "He should be....as a warning to men everywhere""...(I kid you not, these are actual conversations that go on between me and Dave--no wonder our kids are messed up)

Dave leaves to get some KFC grilled chicken. Please do not judge me to harshly for not cooking some nights. (particularly on cleaning lady night..) Generally I make dinner, but many nights Dave won't eat it because he is still on the slow carb diet...which means he eats nothing but protein (so any night I make pasta, --which is kind of a lot--he has to figure out his own meal--he eats a ton of Grilled KFC, a ton). He also talks about food pretty much all the time. I think he has manorexia. He has lost a bunch of weight and looks great. But, while Skinny Dave may live longer, I'm not going to lie to you, Fat Dave was way more fun.

Enough about us: Here is tonight's Top Ten:

1. Number 18 on the Packers, don't know his name, but he just went 108 yards for a touch down
2. Girls In White Dresses--a collection of related stories that is so funny and well written.
3. Frye Boots--the strappy short ones are super cute, but the Melissa button ones are even cuter--you're welcome, Annie McKeon
4. Monogrammed soaps from Pottery Barn--William Sonoma stopped carrying its monogrammed soaps, but Pottery Barn has picked up the slack...important fact to know.
5. Lou Holtz--did you see his halftime message during the Oklahoma State game? super impressive.
6. Madewell's wide leg jeans--super cool and you won't see them coming and going
7. Halloween plates from Hobby Lobby, especially the one with the kid carrying a pumpkin. They have a cool, old school look and only cost $7.99 a piece
8. Herman " God Father's Pizza" Cain--we watched the Republican debates last night and in the commentaries today, no one even mentioned that Herman Cain was there--I don't know jack smack about him, but he proposed some 999 plan which would put in a flat income tax at 9%.  I'd pretty much vote for the Anti-Christ if he lowered the McKeon income tax rate to 9%.
9. Rescue Me--had it's last episode last night.  I miss it already
10. Dave McKeon--Even with skinny Dave, every day is an adventure (full of p*$$ies)

Total aside: During the debates last night, I saw that John Huntsman. I didn't know much about him, and he has that bogus voice, but he's not Rick Perry, Michelle Bachhman or Mitt Romney, so I googled him....Guess what? It was totally freaky. He has five biological kids, an adopted daughter from China who is exactly Posey's age and a little girl adopted from India (sure, his international adoption goes right through, because he's a rich, famous connected guy, ours is still in process, but still) And get this, in a photo of his family, his oldest daughter is WEARING A BURBERRY SCARF,  just like Annies...It was freaky. I swear the Huntsmans are the Mormon, gun toting version of the McKeons...with a lot more money and a dad who is running for President, but still...see for yourself....

PS. I am trying to think up a new contest--that involves somehow getting you guys to do my homework. I'm still  trying to work out the details...I am only half kidding.