"AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

My homework for the night is done, I do not have on line school, and so I turn to the blog, to post up and create a close knit bond that the Facebook cannot provide.  (More on the Facebook in my next post...)

As Dave and I half -assed watch the Packers (who look freakishly good, by the way), we dissect our days and chat about important topics. Here are a few observations and conversational sound bites from Casa McKeon--(some game related, some not):

• Me: "What the hell is up with Al Michaels hair? I swear to God he sprayed it on his head out of a can". Dave: "You're right....ouch--. He's an announcer--who gives a shit what his hair looks like?" Me: "Him, I guess"
• Dave: "Is Kid Rock retired or something? or on the State Fair Tour? Why is he playing at the Packer game"  Me: "I don't know..."
• Me: "Nate and Pete spent $30 at Burger King buying dinner for themselves and Posey" Dave: "Why do you let them eat that shit?" Me: "Because the cleaning ladies came today" Dave: "What?" Me: "You know I hate to mess up the kitchen the night of the day that the cleaning ladies come. All I ask is that the  house stays clean for ten good hours after they leave...Is that too much to ask? " Dave: "So I take it, I'm not getting dinner?" Me: "Burger King is open" ....Dave: "KFC it is...that grilled chicken is alright..." Me: "Good call"
• A commercial comes on for that new show with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, "Up All Night" I think it looks kind of funny. Dave says: "What? They have only one kid? A baby? You can't have a show about that...that's not even enough material for a commercial. One kid doesn't even count--that's a f'ing party. Shit. People have a baby and they think they deserve a TV show??? Then I deserve a f'ing mini series"
• Dave: "Why do so many Packers have long hair and wear those stupid stocking caps? They look like a bunch of P*$$ie". Me: "They look ok"
• Dave McKeon: "Are you rooting for the Packers?! You grew up outside Chicago. You can't root for the Packers!" Laurie: "I am Packer neutral. They seem like an ok team to me....." Dave: "Traitor"
• Jack McKeon via phone: "Are you rooting for the Packers?" Me: "Kind of. Why? Do you hate the Packers. like dad?" Jack: "I don't hate the Packers, I hate the Packer fans..."
• Dave McKeon to me: "I saw some article in the Wall Street Journal today. You are not going to f'ing believe it...There was a whole article talking about 'murses' and 'mewelry'. I had to look twice. The WALL STREET JOURNAL was writing about  MEN'S PURSES (murses) and .MEN'S JEWELRY. (mewelry) Apparently men need some sort of a satchel to carry their 'mewelry'. What the hell happend to a brief case? Is the whole world just overrun by pussies now?.If I were a woman  today, I'd just start beating men up....they totally deserve it. " Me: "Well, what did it say about "murses" and "mewelry"? Dave: "Hell, I didn't read the article. I just turned the page. I don't want to read about shit like that..I've got a business to run, ...and it's not selling murses to p*$$ies"
• He continues: "Do you know who the face of the "murse carriers" is?" Me: "Tom Brady?" Dave: "Yeah, him too, but I was talking about Andrew Ross Sorkin, the pussy on Squawk Box who wrote that stupid Too Big to Fail book. He's on at 5am." Me: "You are the only person in the United States who knows who he is, let alone that he would carry a "murse". Dave: "Shit, everyone knows he's a pussy" . Me: "Okay, but Tom Brady is the spokesman for Ugg Boots. That pretty much makes him the King of the P*$$ies". Dave: "Yeah, but his wife is a super model. That counts for something. You know Sorkin's wife can and does beat him up regularly---probably with his "murse'"
• Dave--as an aside during the "murse" tirade: "That big, fat F'ing Raji (on the Green Bay Packers) looks like he's lost a little weight. He's a big F'cker. I think he probably weighed 400lbs last year. He looks like a trim 350 lb. now" Me: "you don't say"
• Followed by: Dave: "When I saw that article, the only thing I could think of was...my son Chris. He would totally carry a f'ing "murse". Me: "I don't think so, maybe a messenger bag"  Dave: "Which is a f'ing murse...admit it. our son is a p*$$y" Me: "Well, I don't think Jack would carry a "murse". Dave: "He'd f'ing better not"...Pete comes down stairs:
• Dave: "Hey, Pete, who's a bigger p*$$y? Tom Brady or Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Pete: "Who is Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Me: "Told you so" Dave: "Our kids don't know shit about current events..." Me; "The dude who wrote "Too Big to Fail" and carries a purse is not a current event...." Dave: "He should be....as a warning to men everywhere""...(I kid you not, these are actual conversations that go on between me and Dave--no wonder our kids are messed up)

Dave leaves to get some KFC grilled chicken. Please do not judge me to harshly for not cooking some nights. (particularly on cleaning lady night..) Generally I make dinner, but many nights Dave won't eat it because he is still on the slow carb diet...which means he eats nothing but protein (so any night I make pasta, --which is kind of a lot--he has to figure out his own meal--he eats a ton of Grilled KFC, a ton). He also talks about food pretty much all the time. I think he has manorexia. He has lost a bunch of weight and looks great. But, while Skinny Dave may live longer, I'm not going to lie to you, Fat Dave was way more fun.

Enough about us: Here is tonight's Top Ten:

1. Number 18 on the Packers, don't know his name, but he just went 108 yards for a touch down
2. Girls In White Dresses--a collection of related stories that is so funny and well written.
3. Frye Boots--the strappy short ones are super cute, but the Melissa button ones are even cuter--you're welcome, Annie McKeon
4. Monogrammed soaps from Pottery Barn--William Sonoma stopped carrying its monogrammed soaps, but Pottery Barn has picked up the slack...important fact to know.
5. Lou Holtz--did you see his halftime message during the Oklahoma State game? super impressive.
6. Madewell's wide leg jeans--super cool and you won't see them coming and going
7. Halloween plates from Hobby Lobby, especially the one with the kid carrying a pumpkin. They have a cool, old school look and only cost $7.99 a piece
8. Herman " God Father's Pizza" Cain--we watched the Republican debates last night and in the commentaries today, no one even mentioned that Herman Cain was there--I don't know jack smack about him, but he proposed some 999 plan which would put in a flat income tax at 9%.  I'd pretty much vote for the Anti-Christ if he lowered the McKeon income tax rate to 9%.
9. Rescue Me--had it's last episode last night.  I miss it already
10. Dave McKeon--Even with skinny Dave, every day is an adventure (full of p*$$ies)

Total aside: During the debates last night, I saw that John Huntsman. I didn't know much about him, and he has that bogus voice, but he's not Rick Perry, Michelle Bachhman or Mitt Romney, so I googled him....Guess what? It was totally freaky. He has five biological kids, an adopted daughter from China who is exactly Posey's age and a little girl adopted from India (sure, his international adoption goes right through, because he's a rich, famous connected guy, ours is still in process, but still) And get this, in a photo of his family, his oldest daughter is WEARING A BURBERRY SCARF,  just like Annies...It was freaky. I swear the Huntsmans are the Mormon, gun toting version of the McKeons...with a lot more money and a dad who is running for President, but still...see for yourself....

PS. I am trying to think up a new contest--that involves somehow getting you guys to do my homework. I'm still  trying to work out the details...I am only half kidding.