HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Note to all: I began this post the day after Mother's Day--it was super relevant, and then, before I could finish it, the following events transpired:

1. Posey sat on my kindle--which was pretty much like sitting on my soul--and broke it. Set me back a day.
2. Annie hypnotized me with episodes of Mob Wives--lost a few afternoons 
3. The posting feature on Blogger.com was down for almost two days (true story)
4. Then, just as I was getting my groove on to finish this now stale post, my mom had a freakish medical emergency and has been in the ICU for the last five days...Thank God she got sick or I would just be another lazy ass blog slacker, failing to post in a timely manner--JUST KIDDING...She is on the mend, moving into a regular room as we speak and certainly well enough now to boss me around making me move her special kleenex, special straw and special pillow into just the right position....

So, here is a post that was supposed to be up early last week, but never got finished until tonight, because of the above extenuating circumstances. Sorry, I have too many words invested in this one to let it go to waste. Just suffer through it, ok? I've spent the last five days in a room closed off with a curtain forcing my mom to wear a breathing mask=humor me....
(remember, this was started the day after Mother's Day.....)

Ok, you seriously didn't expect me to write a post on actual Mother's Day, did you? I was a little busy reading the newest Michael Connolly book on my kindle (the Fifth Witness--obviously this post was started BEFORE the whole kindle sitting incident) while my oldest daughter caught up on this season's episodes of the Real Housewives of New York. (they are all kinds of crazy on that show--and honestly, can they really be that major if they are willing to pimp themselves out on national television? you just know that real live rich people in New York are cringing every time they hear that Countess give lessons in etiquette...Lesson One: Do NOT be on  a reality tv show...However, I laughed my ass off when that Sonja fell off that horse.) Yes, Annie McKeon is home and back in the USA. She had a fabulous time in the UK and traveling through out Europe. However, they do not have ETV over there, so she has alot of crap TV to catch up on. I'm not sure if she learned anything in the classroom, but she certainly learned how to navigate the logistics of public transportation in several countries and frankly, that is probably more valuable than anything picked up in her "Music in London" class. (Which I envisioned as a class devoted to the Beatles and Amy Winehouse, but according to my daughter, it was strictly classical and included a concert in Westminster Abbey) So, having my first born home made it a very happy Mother's Day for me.

Now, a little musing on being a mother...Motherhood is not for the feint of heart. It is a long term proposition with very little exterior positive feedback along the way. You never get a performance review, an end of the year bonus, a raise or a promotion. Moreover, even with your best efforts, the train can and will go off the tracks at any point in time. You can never let your guard down, you can never ease up, and you have to stay pretty vigilant for eighteen or twenty years. As I say all the time to my friends who are freaking out about their kids four year old soccer game or second grade Iowa scores: "Pace yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint" And frankly, despite the fact that three of my kids have been around for more than 18 years, I'm still not exactly sure where the finish line is. There is no other job that requires such continued persistence, patience, consistency and resilience. You don't get a day off, you don't get a mulligan, (maybe you do...mine is called Chris) and you honestly can't tell exactly how your mistakes and miscalculations have manifested in your offspring until waayy too late. Moreover, there is no guarantee, no trial period and no give backs.

And trust me, no matter what your career is, being a mother is a full time job... you can be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, stripper, volunteer, whatever, but your real job is mom. Anything else you do is secondary. While you can get great child care help, hire terrific babysitters, tutors, counselors, therapist...no one can take the place of the mother. Once they put that baby in your arms, the mom meter starts running and though you may want to, you can never totally turn it off. And let me make very clear, it doesn't matter if they hand you that baby in the delivery room or in the basement conference room of a dodgy hotel in the middle of China. You take one look at that baby and know its yours....forever. And you spent the rest of your waking hours, (and many of the hours when you should be sleeping), trying to do your very best by your baby, who as far as I can tell, never stops being your baby.

This may come as a shock to no one, but way back in the day, Dave McKeon and I made a very clear quasi-business arrangement once we decided to start a family. He, being way older than me, and making way more money, would hit the career track and I would hit the family track...hard.  And that's pretty much the way it shook out. Mid night feedings...me, pediatrician visits...me, tonsillectomies, stitches, broken collar bones, sprained body parts, strep throat, teenage acne....all me, science fair, discipline, sports camps, school conferences, sacraments, pep talks, driving lessons, family bonding, college apps....all me. .Paying the Visa Bill--him, making the mortgage, setting up the college accounts, anything having absolutely anything to do with money, business, and circumcision--Dave (seriously, that was Dave's big contribution: circumcision? yes)We have lived in Kenosha for over 8 years and I am pretty certain that Dave McKeon couldn't find his way to the pediatrician's office (both before and after the big move) orthodontist, pediatric dentist or any other child service provider. He cannot tell you the names of our kids teachers, and he is constantly asking me, when some teenager that is not ours heads upstairs "Which one is that, and whose friend is he again?"

Please understand. I am not complaining at all. This was the deal we cut and this is the deal we have pretty much stuck to. I have had total control over all things kid related and Dave has never second guessed me. Dave and I have a clear division of labor and we're both totally fine with it. Though our candor about it can sometimes disarm others. Once, at a corporate function, the wife of one of Dave's colleagues asked me if I was getting to know people and putting names to the faces of the employees, and I turned to her and said: "I'll start learning the name of Dave's employees once Dave learns the names of the kids' teachers." I hope I said that with love, but she looked at me like I was out of my mind, (probably true)

The point I'm making is that I have a lot invested in being the mom, which is no different than all moms--From the beginning, like all moms, I've had to figure out not just the tangibles (food, clothes, shelter and school work) but the intangibles: How do I make them be decent human beings? who love each other? and put others first? How do I raise kids who become the sort of adults that I want to hang around with? Who can laugh at themselves? and make others laugh, too? How do I make sure that they can establish meaningful relationships? Find love and love in return? Do I let my kids fall down? If so, how often? and do I catch them on the first bounce or just let them roll ? (this is as far as I got last time--so close, but not quite done--see, I told you I had a lot of words invested here)   And most importantly, how do I make sure that they will sit with me (or their father, or each other, or their loved ones) for five days, when I am in the ICU, and I need someone to move my special kleenex?

It's scary being the mom. Even with the best ingredients, best intentions, best efforts and methods, it's a crap shoot, and yet, we all keep showing up every day, giving it our all. And it's that continual, hopeful optimism, the constant unwavering love, the willingness to put it all on the line for your offspring that makes motherhood the toughest job you'll ever love...Happy Mother's Day (like 10 days late)

Today's Top Ten:

1. St. Catherine's ICU--seriously, I'm checking myself in--you can call "nutrition services" and they will send up a chocolate milkshake--no lie, it's like room service...and the nurses are fabu
2. Puff's tissues--can't use the regular kleenex...ohh, no..
3. Bridesmaids--if you have not seen this movie, Go right now...it's super funny
4. Nicole Caruso--she knows why
5. The Green Notre Dame bow tie--you have to see it
6. Emily Chiappetta's Notre Dame graduation announcements--she designed and made them herself. If you need unique, beautiful invites, ask Emily--she's a pro
7. http://www.nerdboyfriend.com/    You have got to check this out (especially you, John Heinzmann). It is a website that shows old school photos of famous people and then tells you where you can buy their classic (ish) stuff today--the Gregory Peck photo is awesome.  I am mesmerized by this site.
8. Jen Lancaster's latest book: If You Were Here, which because of all the footnotes is impossible to read on the kindle...good thing mine is broken...
9. Happy Endings--great new show on ABC
10. Motherhood

Special Note to Judy Pulera--where are you? I swear, that $150 JCrew gift card is burning a hole in my pocket....

Promise to post again very soon. I'm hoping my life hits a nice calm spot for a few days.  Thanks for hanging in there with this spotty blog.