OLYMPIC FEVER

Lo, ho, ho, Dear Readers, ..."Chapter 14, Harry awakes to yet another Tequila sunrise..."

Honestly the turn around time on this blog is getting ridiculously fast. I am very close to scaring my own self.  New year, new me.  (until I revert back to the old year, old, lazy me.) And while Pioneer Woman has about 100 words and a picture of corn bread on her blog, THIS blog is chocked full of reams and reams of high quality, USDA certified choice literature and some very fine, fine links and photos that you will cherish forever.

Today's topic is all about the Olympics.  Sochi fever--catch it. The games are only a few days old, but there have been some super outstanding moments. Here are my 10 favorites, thus far

1. Bob Costas' pink eye --I am obsessed with this and a bit concerned that it's not cleared up yet. Obviously, I am not the only one intrigued/horrified by his conjunctivitis as others are chatting it up as well. I hope the pink eye gets its own twitter account like Pharrell's hat.  That would be awesome.   http://www.upi.com/blog/2014/02/08/Bob-Costas-eye-swollen-due-to-pink-eye/6511391903057/

2. The Olympic ring that never opened. I love technical difficulties and huge malfunctions, so this was right up my alley.  I heard that on Russian TV, they pretended like it did open up.  Go, Russia.

3. The guy responsible for the Olympic ring that never opened...you just know that he's in a Siberian gulag some where or at the bottom of a Russian river with a curling stone attached to his ankle. Putin will NOT put up with this shit.

4. Along those same lines, any skater who takes a tumble.  (I'm talking to you, Jeremy Abbott) The more they fall, the more I love it.  I swear, I've been known to yell: "BOOM goes the dynamite" every time one of those skittish skaters bites the dust.  Watching skiers fall is nowhere near as much fun...and when the snow boarders go down, they just kind of shrug, but those figure skaters are so damn high strung, that I get a total perverse sense of glee whenever any of them fall.  Sorry....Here's my boy Jeremy post fall:

5. The big Russian nesting doll on the snow boarding course: I've always had a thing for nesting dolls (who doesn't?) So I am thrilled that someone was cool enough to clog up the snowboarding course with this big blow up cartoon punching bag.  It's like a professional golfer having to putt into the clown's mouth or something.  Perfect for the laid back,  lit up world of snow boarding.

6. The Canadian sisters who won the Gold and Silver medals in the moguls.  Usually, I only like medal winners from the US, because I am a jingoistic, national anthem singing patriot, but these Canadian sisters are pretty darn sweet--and they held hands on the medal stand.  (And who doesn't love Canada? or as I like to call it: America's hat.) They actually have another sister in the Olympics who didn't medal. (Sweet Jesus, McKeon brothers,  there are four of you and not a single Olympic medal between you...lazy ass slackers.)

7. The Biathlon Penalty lap: Now we're talking.  Have you watched this at all? The competitors ski for a while, then whip out their guns and shoot at some targets. All these biathloners  are great shots,  (as well they should be--they're in the Olympics for Godsake) so it makes it even better that when they miss a target (and it doesn't happen all that often) they have to go ski this short little penalty lap.  And man, are they pissed....I so LOVE this concept...Could you imagine how much more fun the NBA would be if every time someone missed a free throw they had to run a lap around the court?! Penalties need to be incorporated in all sports.  It really adds to my viewing pleasure.

8. Three Goals in 55 seconds: As sweet as those Canadian sisters are, I take great, great pleasure in seeing the good old U.S. A whoop on other nations, even one as benign as Switzerland.  The US Women's Hockey team scored 3 goals in less than a minute (an Olympic record) in their 9-0 route of Switzerland. USA, USA! Of course, the Swiss turned right around and kicked our asses in curling, but still...

9. Curling--Every single time I see this sport I KNOW the McKeon brothers could totally dominate here and I am fully prepared to heavily fund some curling lessons.  This sport is the winter Olympic equivalent of corn hole, (and every other picnic game at which the McKeons excel), so let's put those skills to use and bring home a gold.  Honestly the US is so bad at curling that with some intensive, round the clock training, this could really happen.. Do you remember like ten or twelve years ago when Geena Davis (of Thelma and Louise fame) trained obsessively to become an Olympic archer? If Geena can become an Olympian through massive training in a real sport like archery, you shidiots should be able to sweep a rock down some ice.  Let's make a real commitment to this curling thing because I want to be in the next Proctor and Gamble commercial honoring Olympic moms.  

10. Curling Uniforms : I am VERY impressed by the Norway Curling Team's Uniforms.

However, this only further highlights that curling is a sport that has "McKeon brothers" written all over it.  Hell, I bet we already own those jackets.   Please, brothers, get a rock, buy a broom and start sweeping. You have the wardrobe and your country needs you. Seriously,  you've been training for this your whole lives:

You could wear these for the Olympics...

 or these....

And for sure these: 

Oh, yeah.  The trifecta--great jackets, bad hair AND Nate's big head.  Happy Olympics to us all.

No top ten today because this whole column is one big Top Ten.  You're welcome. Again.