POST OLYMPICS--IN THE TANK

The Olympics are over, and my life feels a little empty.  However, once the hockey teams barfed all over themselves, (Really?? We lost to Finland 5-0??--I will give the woman's team some credit for at least making it to the final game, but allowing those two goals at the end? C'mon.  We're better than that) I must admit, even I kind of lost interest.  And we got smacked down by the Ruskies…Oh, well, bring on PyeongChang. At least the South Koreans won't bomb us in our sleep.   And kudos to Russia for making fun of the non opening ring. That was cool.  Of course, it's pretty easy to be magnanimous when you WIN the damn Olympics….in your own country….with your own judges…ok--obviously it stills stings a little for me.

Best take aways from the Olympics? Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski--but mostly Johnny--his clothes, his commentary, his whole awesome attitude. Way to make a statement in homophobic Russia without being hugely militant and political about it.  And Billie Jean King could never have pulled that off  pink jacket Johnny wore on Day Three. So, Here's Johnny (and Tara): Note his green jacket--I think he is an Irish Fan-AND he's ready for the Masters.

So, in my Olympics-less life, I have a bit of free time and this is what happens:

I start watching other TV shows…like Shark Tank, which I wholly and utterly love. (except for Mark Cuban who is SO f'ing full of himself…he had some big old rant about patent laws the other night that totally made me want to punch him in the throat--what an ego---and he gets super pissed if anyone has the nerve to challenge him….And, pay close attention if you watch the show--that cheap bastard NEVER gives anyone any money EVER unless it's a total sure thing for him--give me Barbara any day) So, on that cnbc (official channel of Dave McKeon) on Tuesday nights, they show the Shark Tank.  (hahaha--doesn't it sound like that last sentence was written by some one's Jewish or Italian grandma?? I wish I had a Jewish grandma. They seem so great--I digress)   Bottom line-- I watched Shark Tank on Tuesday, enjoyed it immensely, even though the first episode was a rerun.  (the ones where they do the whole flashback thing, showing what a big difference the Sharks made on the businesses they help--and it's true.  They do.)

On Tuesday's first episode, they had this very nice lady from the South who made cakes with her mom. The sharks were raving about the cakes, (seriously, they looked like some mighty fine cakes AND they come in a real nice tin) but were a bit leery about investing in her cake business because it seemed too regional, had no plan for more labor, etc…and after beating up poor Mrs. Daisy for a while, eventually Barbara cut a deal with her and the rest is history. You know where this is going, right?  Yes, not one, but two Daisy Cakes will be delivered to my door early next week.  (they would have been here sooner, but due to the high demand from other rubes like me who fell for the Shark Tank rerun, they are delayed a few days) I am praying it arrives on Fat Tuesday--that would be perfect.  I will keep you posted in regard to this cake.  According to the inter web, Daisy Cakes has had some issues with shipping (which will put me in serious Lenten jeopardy because I am eating this cake the MINUTE it arrives--) but everyone universally agrees that the cakes themselves are delicious.  We shall see. (question: Do you think I can write off the cost of these cakes as "research" for this blog gig?)

I wish I could say that this was the first (or even the second time) I have ordered or tried to order something as seen on Shark Tank. And I'm not going to lie--usually it's food--Here are a few samples:

-Wicked Good Cupcakes-(the cupcakes in a jar) Yes, I bought these and yes, they were good. https://www.wickedgoodcupcakes.com/shop-online.aspx#.UxCwov00Ng0

-Fat Ass Fudge--While I seriously considered it, just for the name alone  (who wouldn't LOVE a box delivered to their home with a label that says Fat Ass on it??), I did NOT actually pull the trigger--however, now that I'm looking at it again, I might have to reconsider--(it's been a long winter) -

-Bubba's Boneless Ribs Yes, I bought these too and I highly recommend them. Again, despite a few shipping glitches (unusually high demand because of the whole Shark Tank thing), these ribs were legit and I don't even like ribs. My boys loved them and No carb Dave approved---until he saw the VISA charge for them and was like: "Who is Bubba and why am I paying him?" I explained that Bubba was the genius whose boneless ribs he and his sons enjoyed a few weeks back.  He was not pleased: "If I knew those f'ing ribs cost that much, I would have put them in our safety deposit box. What were you thinking???"(most of my conversations with Dave McKeon end with the lines "What were you thinking? And often, it's a pretty legitimate question)  I tried to explain Bubba's patented de-boning process, (it took him, like 20 years to get that patent) how unique it was and the amazing fact that in just two microwaveable minutes, you will be enjoying a veritable, boneless rib feast royale. To which Dave McKeon replied: "Royale, my ass.  The kids can eat cheap ribs with the f'ing bones still in them. I don't care if they choke." Read about Bubba for yourself at:  http://www.cleveland.com/dining/index.ssf/2013/12/al_bubba_baker_gets_some_love.html
Here's my man Bubba: His ribs are really good…(and kind of expensive)

And now--Daisy Cakes.  (Too bad the Olympics didn't last a little longer…I am really packing on the pounds during this long winter of my discontent….Lent can't get here fast enough.)

It's not just the food that I fall for on the Shark Tank (however, to be honest, it is only the food that I buy). Many, many Shark Tank products catch my eye--That maternity hospital gown was a REALLY good idea (and the woman who made it was a FOOL not to hook up with Barbara to make it happen).

HUGE ASIDE: I have often said that hospital gowns need to be totally reconfigured. They don't fit at all, have the whole weird exposed back door thing going on and are impossible to tie or fasten without a third arm. EVERY time I go to the doctor, despite very clear and repeated instructions "to leave the opening in the back" I knowingly and willfully put the damn gown (really, "gown"???  that is a total misnomer) on backwards, with the opening in the front, like a bathrobe, because they are so big you can wrap the thing all around you and get full coverage.  I would much rather my doctor think I am a full fledged, deaf moron than have the opening in the back--(tho my doctor is getting wise to me.  Last time I was in, he made me switch it--so now I ask for two--one to wear as ordered, and one to wear like a robe--Hey, how about a little dignity here??) For some reason, none of the Sharks were interested in the fancy hospital gown, except for Barbara.  Quite possibly because men really don't care if they have full coverage.  Personally, if I had more time and knew how to sew, I would reinvent the hospital gown--with a heavy emphasis on the gown part.

Ok, back to the Tank--The scrubbing broom was not half bad, and with the unrelenting cold from this winter, I could really use that dryer invention that shoots the heat back into your house-- but while all these products are super tempting, it's the Daisy Cake(s) that I really want….soon…like tomorrow.  Upside to Daisy Cakes--they are way cheaper than the ribs AND the Christmas cakes I ordered from Neiman Marcus a few years back, (again, "What were you thinking??" Well, that I wanted an awesome cake that looked like a present--yes, that's what I was thinking. Aren't you glad you asked? ) so…I'm feeling really good about them-- a real win/win.

The non CNBC Shark Tank is on tonight--the one on ABC.  You know what I will be watching.  Kind of praying there is no food on this episode. My pants are getting really tight.

Today's Top Ten:

1. Brian "Breezy" Kiernan--The most eligible bachelor in the nation.  A witty, urbane gentleman who has been known to spring for Louboutins, just because...  Line up, ladies, he's the real deal.

2. Daisy Cakes--I hope they live up to the hype.

3. The Velvet by Graham and Spencer White Dress that I saw in Bazaar Magazine and cannot find on their website.  This is killing me and makes me want it all the more, though, if I cannot get rid of my rib and cake winter gut, I should probably just let this one go.

4. Still Life with Bread Crumbs by Anna Quindlen--I used to love her column WAY back in the day. Her fiction is pretty good, too. Nice book for middle-aged woman.  John Heinzman, skip this one.

5. The bacon from the deli counter at Festival Foods. I may have already said this, but it bears repeating. This is some mighty fine bacon.  (and still,…I wonder why I have a gut…)

6. Jack Rogers--now on sale on Gilt.  Summer will arrive eventually and now is the time to stock up on new JRs.  I love the orange suede and the navy.

7.These awesome Burberry boots. Kind of the opposite of Jack Rogers, but still very nice. They are now on sale on zappos.  Of course they are.  I bought mine last year, but have really gotten my money's worth this season. They are very warm, AND the boots look way better than this stupid picture of them. Go see them for real on Zappos.

Hahaha--this picture is cracking me up.

8. This Month's Vanity Fair. --The article on Wendy Murdoch is reason enough to get this hefty collectors addition.

9. House of Cards--I am obsessed, obsessed and utterly obsessed.  Despite the weird interlude with the driver, Season 2 did not disappoint. Claire Underwood: "What should we serve the Walker's for dinner?" Frank: "Cyanide" Claire: "That's for dessert".  Best dialogue ever.

10.  The YCSMIHK Lenten contest that will begin next week.  Get ready, Dear Readers, this will be a contest Royale.  (just couldn't let the Wizard People thing go---and I was so, so close)