GROUP TEXT PART TWO

Hooray! Due to my desperate plea, we've picked up a few more followers and the comments were flowing.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  And who knew Joanne was so darn handy? Fair trade clothes, home made sour dough, she's got it going on.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching.  To be more prepared for this great holiday, and to see some awesome Valentine's Day gift suggestions, please see my post from a few years ago at: http://youcantscaremeihavekids.blogspot.com/2011_02_01_archive.html   (full service, once again--two posts in one. You're welcome. ...And I still want that Hermes bracelet... I truly do. Also, if you have the time, take a quick glance at that Tiger Mom post immediately following the Valentine's Day one--it's really two posts in one and still rings true.  (so now, you are actually getting FOUR posts--Sweet Jesus, can this day get any better??)

Now, in other Valentine's Day news, young Chris McKeon is once again dating above his pay grade.  And he made the brilliant (or suicidal) gesture of sending out a group text asking what to put on the card for the flowers he is sending his young lady friend. (Obviously, he stole this idea from me as our last group text yielded Christmas card gold) Quick aside to Chris' lady friend: "I have not yet met you, but from what I hear, you seem like a nice girl. What the heck are you doing with Chris? Run, run now, run fast and run far.  Don't say I didn't warn you."

Here are a few of the choice selections for the special, special message of affection that Chris should send with his (yawn) roses...Again, the potential messages for the card are bolded in italics, the general McKeon banter is in quotations and my side comments are just there: 

Chris: "Hello, friends. I was wondering what to put on the cards for "Jane's" Valentine's flowers." (I have not yet met this young woman, and thus, in order to protect her privacy from the millions of people who will be reading this blog--I wish--I will call her Jane) "Hit me up with some good ones." 

Annie: I thought she was mad at you because you ditched her on her birthday. So maybe you should say: "Sorry for ditching you on your birthday. Our future looks bleak"  

Chris: "Haha. I didn't even ditch her. I just went to Club Landing before CJs"  (local hot spots, I presume?) "These's a reason it's Michiana's hottest club"

Nate: "Happy V-Day. I wish you'd tell me you love me like you did before the war."

Chris and Nate looked at the suggested messages on the flower website and came up with some of these beauties prior to the text session and shared them with the group:  

"Happy Valentines Day! I love you this many flowers much" 

"I forgot to tell you this whole time: I'm deaf. Happy Valentine's Day" 

 "Happy Valentines day, Hoffman." (Hoffman is a weird name that Pete uses all the time because he loves Charlie Hoffman the golfer--now that Philip Seymour Hoffman died, it seems kind of creepy) 

"I send you a kiss inside the petals of each of these roses...NOT. Happy Valentine's Day" 

"You take my breath away when you take my breath away." 

"You take my breath away when you smother me....with a pillow." 

Nate: "The smothering was all me" 

Jack: "You take my breath away when Crampus comes to feast. Happy Valentine's Day" (For those of you who don't know, Crampus is the Christmas devil (I guess) --for some reason he figures prominently in many McKeon conversations.  There is speculation that Crampus and Dave McKeon are one and the same. )

Annie: 'Unless there's a $50 prize involved, I'm not very motivated to contribute, considering I've never even met this girl" 

Jack: "Annie hates you. Happy Valentine's Day" 

Nate: "DRAAAIINNAAAGGEEE.  Happy Valentine's Day" 

Annie: " I will agree with whatever Pete suggests because I know his will be the best." 

Chris: "Hey, I can't afford $50, but I can cover chipotle for you" (every week the Notre Dame kids get together for Chipotle, usually with their cousins) 

Annie: "Just say: USA, USA, USA" since it is the Olympics. Which is more important than valentine's day. 

Nate: 'Good one, Annie"

Annie: or "Happy new season of House of Cards" 

Nate: "Never mind you BIRD BRAIN" (I'm not sure if he was saying this to Annie or for the card--Nate can be a bit hard to follow)

Jack: (sends a picture of three of those smiley face emoticons with the big teeth) and says "just send that...and draw them on the card with your left hand" 

Chris: "I like it" 

Nate: "Give her the flowers and immediately set them on fire. Then say: "Hope our love burns as strong as this flame, babe! Happy Valentine's Day! The flame should last for a few seconds" 

Jack: 'Hahahahaha" 

Annie: "Roses are red, violets are blue. Too bad you're getting carnations, because I hate you" 

Jack: "All hail, Good Queen Jane-a-slauce"

Nate: "Happy Valentine's Day from horses and robotrons" They got left off the Christmas card" 

Chris: "Dodd Frank here, wishing you a happy Valentines day."

Nate: "Is that some sort of West Wing thing?"

Chris: "No. It's a Wall Street reform bill" (Nice to know that Chris has learned at least one thing at ND)

Nate: "They turned Dodd into a bill?? Those monsters!" 

Chris: 'Jack, I'd draw those emojis, but this transaction is happening on the line"  

Nate: "Bye the way, why isn't yalobushaema included in this text?"

Annie: "What is yalobushaema?"

Chris: "When dad was texting us all about some car issue, somehow he had this yalobushaema contact in his phone and included her/him in the group text. AND he left you out" 

Chris then shows the screen shot of the texts from Dave including yalobushaema. 

Annie: "HAHAHAHAHA what the heck? Who is that?"

Chris: "Haha. Well dad thought it was you" 

Annie: "Must be his other daughter....that's not Posey"

Chris: "That or he was hitting those 64 calorie man beers too hard to text"

Nate: "Hahahaha"

Chris: "Talk about the pussification of America" (I think is referring to the 64 calorie beers...) "Boys, let's get those animal headed pipes to help restore the balance in the universe" (I believe Chris is referring to the pipes at Andreas --where Pete is the trash hauler--that are carved into the shape of animal heads. They obviously are very manly pipes.)  

Nate: "He made a very nice recovery when we called him out on it...And yes, Christopher, let's." (get the pipes...or restore the balance of the universe?! maybe both? ) 

Jack: "Well, well, well, It looks like the boys will have to singlehandedly save this nation."

Chris: "Wouldn't be the first time.  Remember that nucular (sic) reactor?" (spelling and pronunciation courtesy of George Bush...and Madagascar Three) 

Me: "Holy hell, I just got off of a conference call and I had 84 texts...What's going on here? I've missed the whole thing." 

Annie: "Better scroll way up." 

Chris: "I need some suggestions for the card for the Valentine's Day flowers I'm sending "Jane".  I am the moderator now, Laur. Time for you to give some suggestions. Oh, how the mighty have fallen."

Pete: finally joins in.  "Why do we always do these while I'm in AP Chem?" 

Chris:  "How's Meyer" 

Me: "So what is Chris going to put on the card?"

Annie:"Just send her this as the card:"

Chris: "Hahahaha" 

Me: "hahaha"

Jack: "I like this one"

Nate: "NUCULAR REACTOR, BABY! THIS IS WHAT WE LIVE FOR" 

Annie:

(Have you ever seen this show? It's from that super funny Australian guy Chris Lilley who did Summer Heights High. His new show is called Ja'mie: Private School Girl. This is Ja'mie......)

Me: "Annie is on fire. Can you put these photos on a card?"

Chris: "Yeah, Nate, how about that nucular reactor"

Annie: "

Chris: "Madagascar 3: Europes Most Wanted"

Nate: "Don't you mean nuclear?" 

Chris: "NUCULAR" 

Nate: 

Annie: 

Chris: "I already asked her that in person" 

Chris again: "Nessun dorma" (you all probably know that nessun dorma is an aria from a Puccini opera.  I did not.  Chris is just showing off now.) 

Nate: "Just play Talk Dirty by Jason derulo and you can't go wrong" 

Me: "Nate wins" 

Nate: "Nessun dorma, too" 

Annie: 

Chris: "Perfecto" "Qu ando la Luce. Splendera!"

Annie: "Isn't this the message Chris wanted to use for our Christmas card? This should be perfect for his Valentine"

Chris: "The flowers are actually for my favorite sister yalo."

Me: "Where are you finding these? I am so using that butter one. And when did we go bilingual?" 

Chris: "When I started listening to Nessun dorma with Nate" 

Annie: "This little thing called the internet, mom, ever heard of google?"

Chris: "Yeah, mom, you dinosaur" 

Annie: 

Nate: "Annie is really good at the internet" 

Chris: "Annie, you should work for Google" ..."Or the penguins' 

Me: "I know, but how do you text them?" "And if I transcribe this conversation, how will I get them onto the blog?" 

Annie: "Copy and then paste them into the convo"

Nate: "Save them on your phone.  Then they will already be in your photos" 

Chris:"Save them to your phone....and use your thumbs when you text.  I don't think iphones register index finger texts anymore" 

Annie: "Or learn how to text from your computer like I do and all your dreams will come true" 

Me: "That's never going to happen. If you all knew how long it takes me to get those photos on my blog you would die...and I still can't get them to line up like they do in the draft copy. Once I hit publish, the picture get all shifty" 

Chris: "Don't worry.  All of these are on the line, so you can use them on the blog...fear not" 

Me: "I fear" 

Annie: 

Chris; 'Ah, yes, Chantal Dubois"

Nate: 

(when Nate put this in the group text it was a movie and those little girls were kicking each other. It was pretty funny, but I don't know how to make that happen in this blog...and I text with my index fingers)

Annie: "haha. Good one Nate" (I told you it was better as a movie...you can probably find it on the line and watch it for yourself or take my word for it.)

Chris: "Nate, let's reenact this"

Annie: "I want to call a surprise witness to the stahhhnn.."

Me: "By the way, Annie, how did you like that picture of you from CATS?"

Annie: "I did not like it"

Nate: "Chris, say: I want to kiss you right meow" 

Chris: "I want to kiss you right meow" 

Nate: "On the card, Bird brain" 

Annie: 'Use this" 

Me: "Happy Valentine's Day from 105.9 the cruise and drive" 

Chris: "That doesn't even any make sense."

Chris again: "To people who don't know how funny it is.  Gotcha" 

Chris yet again: "I have to go to class now, family. Please continue with the comments. We've yet to hear from young Peter or his new mii Hoffman"

Nate: "I have to go to class too. I am going to intercept Christopher on the quad" 

(Jack already left for MCAT review class. His humor is missed).

Chris: "Good luck, little boy. I own Debartolo Hall. I am the one who keeps setting the fire alarm off"

Nate: "Good. Keep it up. It got me out of class today" 

Chris: "haha. Me, too. Two days in a row."

Annie: "Come set it off in the law school, please" 

Chris: "Oh, sweet, simple Annie. Don't you realize that there is something much bigger going on here?"

Pete finally comes to play: "Just say: Last time I saw you I forgot to laugh so hard I fell off my dinosaur" Hoffman out. 

Pete: "I'm just going to rattle off a few here: "Happy Tine's Day. Chin chin" 

Pete again: "Don't stop breathing. Love, Chris" 

Annie: "Caution: Troll zone"

Pete: "I'll love you until I blow up your mailbox. Signed, Justice" 

Pete: "Is the man keeping you down/ Well, don't just do that, and go ooooonnn and on about it! Come with me for your Valentine Boy. I have all that's at stake for you, honey. Don't worry it won't even be a bumpy road that we travel on because it's smooooth as a silk from her til the moon. Your crazy, greasy love boat, Chris" (I have no idea what any of this means...) 

Pete again: "Hi. I'd like to order a Jake Burger"

Nate: "I hate your laugh so much. Happy Valentine's Day" 

Annie: "I like that last one, Pete." 

(OK, this is a total break in the conversation here, but I'm watching the Olympics and what the heck is up with Bob Costas' pink eye? He must have used the tainted water in his hotel room and got an infection. How awful.  Don't they have those drops in Sochi? And seriously, what a total shit show over there--but I did like the outfits of Bermuda's team (i'm using the word "Team" loosely. I think they only have one athlete) Back at it...

Nate: "BABOOM!!" 

Pete: "Run"

Nate: "Are you a girl? Because you  must be. Happy Valentine's Day" 

Pete: "I've never loved anyone as much as I love food. Happy Valentine's, girly" 

Chris: "Hahhahahahhah! Pete is too good"

Chris again: "Back from class, Dear Readers. You look pale. Have you been checked for diseases? Happy Valentine's Day!" 

Annie: "At least I'm not a hideous F***er" 

Pete: "There are more US Congressman than there are pandas in the world. Happy Valentine's Day.  Blegh" 

Annie: just sends an emoji of a panda head

Pete: sends two emojis--the panda head and a gun, with these words: "Just do it" 

Annie: 'I'm going home for Valentine's Day. I have money" and then sends the emojis of cash, the money bag and a visa card.  (if there is some way to put these emojis in this blog, someone needs to tell me.  Otherwise, I can only describe them) 

Annie again: sends the emojis of the bomb, the gun, the knife, the syringe and the pill (this is pretty much my signature sign off of emojis--or the black moon with the crown--which stands for the black queen, which is what my kids often call me)

Chris: "Liquid gold" 

Annie: "Be my Valenswine" then sent two emojis of pig heads. 

Chris: "Glorious" 

Annie: "Then give her bacon instead of flowers" 

Me: 'A bacon bouquet is the new roses" 

Pete: "If Krampus and Cupid had a baby. I'd be looking at it right now. Love you, babe--Happy Valentine's Day..Massacre"

Chris: "Pete, you need to get into the card business"

Pete: "Just print this out and send it to her" (I would rotate this, but this is how it came in the text stream, so I'm just leaving it) 

Chris: "I'm ordering on line, humans. These pictures aren't going to work" 

Annie: "That was your first mistake" 

Pete: "Hey, 'Jane'! Save me a piece of that corn! Save me a piece of that corn for later!" 

Pete: "Is it hot in here or is that my rash acting up again? Love ya!"

Chris: "it's the rash" 

Pete: "OK, Chris, cut to the chase.  What's on the short list for the card?"

Chris: "Really, the short list is anything you've said, Pete, since the rest of these tech wizards used so many pictures...except for Mom" 

Chris again: "Actually, there's actually some real gold here from everyone. A real treasure trove, if you will" 

Annie: "Be my Valenswine!  accompanied with a beautiful bacon bouquet is the clear winner."

Me: "Thank you. thank you. My idea.  Bacon bouquet is always the winner" 

Chris: "I do love a bacon bouquet" 

And obviously so does this young man: 

This one's for you, Fat Pat. I always deliver.  

Happy pre Valentine's Day! If you actually do re-read that blog from 2011, you will note that the card is every bit as important as the gift. I appreciate the enormous effort that went into "Valentine Jane's" card. I'm hoping you all do a better job telling your special someone how much you care. 

Today's top ten: 

1. The USA Olympic sweater. It's pretty sweet: USA, USA! 

2. Enough Said--a great movie with Julia Louis Dreyfuss and James Gandolfini. Available on OnDemand. It got a 96 on rotten tomatoes and was great for a cold, cold night. 

3. Heated pants.  They really do exist. I have never seen these in real life, but for the last several days, the only time I am warm is when I am driving in my car with the heated seat on full blast, so I decided that I wanted heated pants for Valentine's Day. I found these on the line, and think that I may  actually wear them. http://www.thewarmingstore.com/gerbing-heated-pant-liner.html#.UvXdvxbtJUQ

4. The Hive--terrific British book recommended by my sister Wendy. British writers make everything seem smarter. 

5. The swing coat on sale at Lands End.  I bought this in green for next year's football season. Annie has it in camel.  We hit the coat sales pretty hard after Christmas and this was a favorite: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-luxe-wool-swing-car-coat/id_249683

6. Hubertus von Hohenlohe: The sole competitor from Mexico in the Olympics. He's a German prince, was a buddy of Andy Warhol, is fluent in five languages and is wearing a specially made mariachi outfit to ski in. He can't be stopped. 

7. The bracelets from Project FEED. The Links of London ones are very, very cool. The heart one could make a very special Valentine's Day gift. I have the peanut one because it makes me laugh.  The FEED tassel bracelets are only $10 and come in many colors.  I bought a bunch as Christmas gifts and they were a big hit. AND FEED is always a great cause. http://www.feedprojects.com/shopping_product_list.asp?catID=3675

8. Crazy, Rich Asians--totally trashy book, but I loved it.  Sorry. 

9. Panera's turkey chili--nutritious, delicious and quite healthy. 

10. Bacon Bouquet--I told you it exists: Happy Valenswine's Day!!