We are Soooooo Close....

IT'S GO TIME. We are in the home stretch of the Challenge and that scarf is sooooo close you can feel its cashmerey goodness.... There are only four full days left in the Burberry Fit Club Challenge and I am assuming that you will all be making the most of them. (Louis, good luck balancing this life changing challenge with your future changing finals. Seriously, I do not want to be responsible for lowering your GPA....)The polls officially close at midnight (central time) on Dec. 16th. So now is the time to rally all of your family, friends, frenemies, nannies (I'm talking to you, pursemaking Meg) and freeloaders and convince them to cast many votes for you in the Challenge. I am going on record to state my disbelief that Sue Chiappetta has not mastered the comment section of the blog. Seriously, if Wendy Nickels figured it out, I'm pretty sure Sue can too. Like I said, I've seen Sue in action, she has a ton of tools, she throws a mean party, she can decorate any surface, and can snapfish at will. Voting on this blog should be a breeze. Make it happen, Mrs. Chiappetta.  There are a whole lot of voting hours left in the next few days, and it would be a crying shame if Angela lost by a vote or two....(maternal guilt, the most powerful motivator on earth). Nice work, Pulera Men, voting in mass for Judy. That's the sort of dedication I'm looking for....McKeon boys, take note. Let's hope you  treat your own mother with such kindness...

To all of you in the challenge, don't forget to make your comments,  post your diet tips and stake your claim for the holiest of holy, coolest of coolest Burberry scarf. Now is the time to kick it to the finish line. Don't hold back, go full tilt and don't leave any gas in the tank. You will be eaten up with regret for the rest of your life if you don't go all out in pursuit of this scarf. And frankly, I don't want to be responsible for anyone's lifelong guilt...or in patient therapy bills...Focus, visualize, do not be deterred by Christmas chatter. Buckle down for the next four days, and win this thing...

Now, for your entertainment pleasure, I am putting in this posting another column that I wrote for the Kenosha News a few years back. It is a very timely little piece about Christmas. Obviously I was in a foul humor when I wrote it, (shocker there) and while it is still somewhat amusing, the good news is, I have gotten rid of the battitude and am basking in the joy of this season---yeah, that's right, the Burberry Fit Club Season....

Sunday Morning Column from Dec. 2007:

HOHOHO.  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and every other perfectly appropriate, non offensive seasonal greeting.  Only 8 shopping days left until Christmas and I’m no where near ready.  Please believe me when I say that I’m not usually a Scrooge, but for some reason, this year I’m waving the white flag.  I’m just plain giving up. I don’t want to shop, cook, wrap, carol, bake, or holly jolly. I am the ultimate Bad Santa and can’t seem to get over it.  While the rest of the world is feeling peace on earth and good will to man, I’m just feeling tired, stressed, cranky, over weight and broke.  Frankly, though I know this is “the most wonderful time of the year”, a time for peace, love, joy and brotherhood, I find that I really can’t stand much of any one.  So rather than counting my blessings this year, (oh, don’t worry, I know how lucky I am. I just don’t need another viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life to remind me), I am creating my own naughty list filled with all of the people who should be getting coal in their stockings this holiday season. Here they are:

 1: Anyone who’s finished their shopping, especially those jerks who have been done since Halloween. 

 2: Anyone who’s finished their wrapping, cards, baking, decorating, holiday cooking and cleaning. Just shut up already.  We know you are superior.  There, I’ve said it out loud, and it’s even in the newspaper. Now get on with your perfect lives.

 3:  Anyone who sends me a gift that I didn’t already buy for.  Man, you’re killing me.  Now I have to find something for you in my random gift closet.  I hope you like the unicorn webkin.  It’s all I have left.

 4:  Anyone who expects me to wrap their gift.  If what you want can’t fit in a gift bag, you’re not getting it from me.

5:  Anyone who expects a thank you note.  Listen up, anyone who gave me a gift, is thinking of giving me a gift, has ever given me a gift, has ever thought of giving me a gift, please consider this column to be your thank you note.  I’m not kidding.

 6. Most of my family. They are all coming for Christmas Dinner and expect me to cook and feed them.  Right now, this seems like an incredibly unreasonably demand. My sister Wendy had the good sense to plan a trip to Europe with her family and will not be at my table.  So far, I still kind of like her.

7.  All of my In-laws.  Please, please, please.  For the love of God, can’t we just do a gift exchange or buy each other a book?  Who are we kidding? Your fifty dollars in cash to me, and my $50 gift card to you, just cancel each other out. How about we eliminate the middle man, keep our own money, or make a donation to charity?

 8. My husband.  He should either have the guts to tell his family to do a gift exchange, (no daughter/sister-in-law can voice these heretical opinions), be forced to do their shopping, or stop complaining about how much this Christmas is costing us.

9.  All the people who lose weight over the holidays because they are “sooo busy that they just forget to eat”.  Sorry, it’s not just me; everybody hates you guys.

10. The person who got the last decent parking space at the mall. I don’t know who you are, but you’re on my list.

11. The whining kid ahead of me in the checkout line. Hey, FYI, Santa is watching, and you, my friend, are a very long way from getting the Spiderman Web World toy that you were crying about back in aisle five.

12. The forty people ahead of me in line at the post office, especially the dude with the eighteen packages going over seas, who keeps changing his mind about buying postal insurance.   Does the phrase “Going Postal” mean anything to you?  It should.

13. Anyone who looks younger than me in their Christmas card photo.  I know that this is totally irrational, because generally most every card that comes has a killer photo, but I still hold a deep seated resentment.

14. Anyone who sends an obnoxious Christmas brag letter telling me that their kid just won the Nobel Prize.  Why doesn’t any one ever write to say that their kid is in rehab, prison, or better yet, just a totally average kid?  I seriously cannot believe that every single child of every single person who sends us a Christmas letter is playing first chair violin with the New York Philharmonic, or center field for the Yankees.  Or both.

15. My editor at The Kenosha News for expecting me to write some precious, festive column about the happy holidays.  Hey, Steve Lund, guess what?  It’s not happening.  You’re stuck with this.   And it doesn’t come with a gift receipt either.  HOHOHO

I hope you all enjoyed this little bit of yuletide levity. I know I did because it saved me from having to write a whole new post here. I've got some serious Christmas shit to get done, like finding just the right grade of coal for Chris McKeon's stocking, wrapping all the gifts for the out of towners, shipping said gifts, finishing my shopping, sending out 250 Christmas cards and tallying the hundreds of votes in the Burberry Fitness Challenge...so, poaching an old column really works for me. I promise to come up with some new material later this week AS WE APPROACH THE FINAL DAYS OF THE BURBERRY FIT CLUB CHALLENGE... can't wait, it's a date, don't be late....

I commend all of you in the challenge.  Admirable effort all the way around. Keep it up, keep those votes coming, and remember, for the next four days, it's all about the scarf. 

I've got to tell you, I am dying here, because it will be VERY difficult choosing a winner. I am hoping that someone pulls way ahead in the voting and makes my job easier. Regardless, I will do what I have to do. ....As promised,  I will announce a winner on Dec. 17th. Then, if necessary, I can ship the coveted scarf out and have it arrive in time to make this year "the best Christmas ever" for our lucky winner. GOOOOD LUUUCCCKKKK, Challengers. I can't wait to see how this one ends.

Today's Top Ten:

1. The Nouvelle "Fresh Cut Fir" scented candle--makes your whole house smell like Christmas
2. The MAC plaid bag filled with lip gloss and balm--great stocking stuffer
3. Larry Lipinski--funniest dinner companion ever. Ask him to sing the "new" national anthem
4. Lemoncello--mighty tasty, packs a punch..
5. Jack McKeon--work horse, AND a show horse
6. "The Classy Christmas" two part episode of The Office
7. Scrambled Eggs
8. The Cartier Love series--ring, bracelet or necklace--makes a great Christmas gift, and last forever
9. Cashmere socks--Garnet Hill has a good deal going right now
10. Snow Globes

Merry almost Christmas, Happy Final Four Days of the Challenge...Let's get ourselves a winner...