Smile...No, really smile.

Sorry for the two week post delay-- my life is an odd combination of super busy, followed by long bouts of catch-up laziness, to keep me in balance.  Blogging comes right in the sweet spot between busy and lazy, and it's been hard to find that transcendental state of being. Today is a lucky day for all of us, I guess.

 Pete's school pictures were delivered a few days ago and once again, we have a keeper. I know.  It's not a very good picture...and I couldn't be more pleased.

Every year, since they've been in high school, my sons have tried to take the ugliest school photo possible.  I'm not exactly sure why, but I like it.  I like that they really don't care very much about how they look. I like that they think it's funny to have the ugliest picture in the year book, and I like that this is their own tiny piece of subversiveness.  But mostly I like it because their ugly school photos make me laugh. And while taking an ugly photo may seem like a piece of cake , it's harder than it looks,.especially with today's technology, particularly in the individual shots. Today's photographers can instantly see what they've taken, and will keep taking photo after photo until they get a normal shot.  Just ask Pete this year, trying to pull off the little gem featured above. I guess, the photographer kept saying: "Smile" and Pete would say: "I am. This is my smile" And the lady kept saying: "I'm going to get fired if my company sees this. They will think I'm a bad photographer. " However, Pete was resolute, and we have this lovely, photographic keepsake to commemorate his senior year of high school.  One year, Chris tried to sneak a big, pink hair bow on his head at the last hot second before the shutter flashed, but he couldn't pull it off. And got duly chastised by both the photographer and school personnel. It takes some real skill to consistently take an ugly picture.  Many have tried (just ask Nate's friends) but few have succeeded.


 Nate is the master. He can pull a face so quickly that no one realizes it until the yearbook is published.  Here's a typical Nate group shot.

There are about twenty photos just like this in the school year book. One of Nate's best is the photo of him with a group of kids and the Archbishop of Milwaukee.  While all the other kids had the  appropriate looks of enthusiastic reverence, Nate had a face even uglier than the one in this soccer photo.  I wish I could find the picture, but I can't.  So, instead, here is Nate's last year's school picture.

 See, he has a subtle, photographic restraint that leads to his success in nailing the ugly photo. Unlike Chris with the bow, Nate wasn't over reaching, and if you didn't know better, you  may just think that the photographer caught Nate at a bad moment. And obviously, that's what the photographer here must have thought. It's a bit of a gift, isn't it? Nicely played.








Some of this is my fault. (of course it is...) When the boys were in preschool together, one year, they took the three ugliest school photos in the history of preschool photos.  Check out these beauties: (and doesn't Jack have an uncanny resemblance to Moe from the Three Stooges?)

When our pre school teacher saw these she quickly apologized and started to sign the boys up for retake day, incredulous and a bit embarrassed that all THREE boys could take such bad photos.  I would have none of it. Are you kidding??  I LOVE these photos--Chris, the drunken frat boy, Jack, scared straight, and Nate Pig Face Draper. (These photos are also freakishly prophetic....not that Nate has a pig face, but he certainly had an unusually large head for several years: see below) Man, you could try all year to get a trifecta of bad photos like these, and still come up short. Jackpot! These are priceless and I kept these three photos stuck to my mirrors for years.  They still make me laugh.


(Very, very long aside--) That I enjoy these unflattering photos should not be the least bit surprising. I have a horrible habit of finding great hilarity at the most inappropriate times and situations. (Remember, I put a photo of myself with a big, black eye on the Facebook)  My mom was in the hospital last week. (Not a huge deal, it happens with some regularity) Any how, she had a bit of pneumonia, and as a result of the infection, she was quite disoriented.  And delusional. And kind of seeing things.  And hysterically funny. So, when I went to spend some time with her in the hospital, rather than showing the appropriate daughterly compassion, I was cracking up and texting her awesome conversations to my sisters. Here are a few samples:

Mom: (after returning from a getting a chest -x-ray): "They should really say something to the x-ray tech I had".
Me: "Why?"
Mom: "Well, she was a lovely girl, but her nose hair was growing so fast that it was wrapped up around her head. Do you think I'm seeing things?"
Me: "Yes, yes I do think you are seeing things, but I know you will get over it. Remember those animals you saw jumping on your bed? You knew those weren't real. I think this may be the same thing."
Mom: "You think? It seemed so real. Speaking of hair, why do you have all that kinky hair on the side of your head?"
Me: "I don't, Mom. Remember, you've been seeing things lately."
Mom: "You know you can't pull off a perm..., especially only on half of your head"
Me: "Mom, I don't have a perm"
Mom: " OK, if you say so, but someone messed up your hair..."

It was fascinating, because she was super cogent about a lot of things, but then just flat out nuts in other ways...very, very fun for me. (kind of like the ugly photos...)
Mom: "How is Annie?"
Me: "Fine"
Mom: "Is she still dating that nice boy? What's his name again?"
Me:  "Yes. Andrew"
Mom: "Doesn't he have a brother?"
Me: "Why, yes, yes he does"
Mom: "What is his brother's name?"
Me: "Matthew"
Mom: "Pepe??!"
Me: "No, Mom, Matthew"
Mom: "Pepe?? They have one son named Andrew and another named Pepe??!!"
Me: "No, Mom, his name is Matthew"
Mom: "And he's a half-wit??!!"
Me: Trying to say "NO", but laughing so hard I'm kind of choking...

Pepe the half wit is now my favorite "pet name" for Pete McKeon.  And, even a few days later, my mom swears that I told her that Andrew's brother's name was Pepe....And she still thinks she was in the maternity ward, too...(don't think that little delusion didn't give me hours of enjoyment....) Ok, I know, I know--I'm not the best daughter, but at least I was there. And I really do hope that my kids have hours of amusement when I'm the one seeing fast growing nose hair.

OK, back to the ugly photos: As promised, here's a little photo of Nate during the Big Head Era--so, really, it's not the least bit surprising that a kid who had a head this big from 4th to 8th grade, and no way to hide it in a picture, has no problem pulling an ugly face in a photo.  Seriously, Nate's head is at least twice the size of Chris'.  And a kid with a dome that size really can't take himself too seriously.  And good to know that he doesn't.  Honestly, where did all that head go? How does a head shrink that much?  Medical mystery for sure.

 Here is a photo of Pete doing the DeNiro.  This phase went on for a little while, until Pete realized that he wasn't really messing up the photos, because I LOVE the DeNiro.  It's way more fun to screw up a school photo taken by a professional, I guess.

My favorite ugly photos, though, are the ones of the boys together.  It warms my heart to see them acting in concert to pull off a fraternal picture for the ages.  Here are a few of these brotherly shots, just to close it out with a bang.  You're welcome.

This one of Pete and Nate was for one of those individual photo shoots that they try to sell you on Team picture day, when they take a picture of a school sports team and then have your kid pose individually (usually with a ball or bat or racquet) to try and get you to buy more photos.  I think this picture is the only one I ever bought. I guess Pete did this move just as the guy was taking the picture.  And obviously, Nate couldn't keep a straight face.  Classic.

As the holiday season approaches, I am just a little leery about our Christmas card photo.  Be forewarned. Pepe the half wit will live again.

Today's Top Ten:

1. The Lost Souls Collection--a terrific art exhibit of some great pieces by my  brother in law Tom McKeon.  There was also a really well done write up in the Sun Times on Friday. Here's the online version.  Check it out.   http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/23730797-421/digital-artist-tom-mckeon-hears-what-he-paints.html

2. The Gold Finch by Donna Tartt

3. Panta Claus--the coolest seasonal pants from Bonobos.  I may or may not have ordered a few pairs of these. http://www.bonobos.com/red-and-green-holiday-pant-for-men

4. Hallmark Channels' Count Down to Christmas--this may have to be it's own post. I'm not kidding. I am addicted and you will be too once you've seen "Snow Bride" and "Christmas Ornament". And the hits just keep coming.  You can watch Christmas movies around the clock.  Just ask Pepe, who was pretty darn engrossed in Snow Bride himself.

5. Judd Nelson--who appears in more than one Holiday Classic on the Hallmark Channel.  He has certainly grown up since the Breakfast Club. And he and Lauren Holly are pure holiday gold together in "Santa Jr. " Watch it for yourself.

6. The mixed seafood grill at Peter Miller's Seafood and Steak House in Evanston.  It was very, very delicious. And healthy--ish. (for me)

7. Alice McDermott--yeah, yeah. I'm probably coming late to this party, too, but she's a great author that I have been slightly obsessed with this fall. Maybe it's the Catholic thing, maybe the Irish thing, but she is imminently readable.

8. The Hickey Freeman tweed overcoat on Gilt.com.  At $399 it's a total steal and they only have one left. It's an XL and back in the day, would have been the perfect Christmas gift for Dave but, now since  it will never fit skinny Dave, someone else needs to pick this baby up--Merry Christmas!

9. Outshine Fruit bars--especially the mixed berry flavor.  These low calorie, no sugar frozen pops put the old popsicles to shame.

10.  Pepe the half wit--just typing that makes me laugh.  Hours of fun with this.  Thanks, Mom.

Enjoy your week--Let's make it a good one.