Tantrum in aisle nine...

Did any one even  notice that my last post was the 100th post on this blog???  Me neither!   ONE HUNDRED POSTS?? Are you kidding me? If that's not a book dying to be compiled, I don't know what is...And I am dangerously close to 50,000 hits.  This blog just keeps getting better and better...(for me) 

Today's topic--Advertising--particularly advertising involving children. (spoiler alert: I don't love it) 

Who in the world is making all these commercials lately full of awful, obnoxious kids? I am genuinely curious, because I really want to know what type of high level, Madison Avenue, run-it-up-the- flag-pole research went into deciding that I (or any rational grown up with a check book, for that matter) would ever base any consumer decision about anything on a single word, action, comment or demand of a sassy, back talking, obnoxious seven year old. (especially one not related to me) Really. I won't even buy shit my own kids want, let alone listen to some other bratty ass, spoiled little egotist pitching a fit or making a threat to hawk a product. Have these people never met kids? or better yet, parents?  Who is making the decision to appeal to consumers with this format? Please, any of you in advertising with an insider's knowledge, please weigh in.  

I know who is paying for them (actually I don't know, because I had to look up which cell phone company is running those "it's not complicated" adds with that weirdo kiddie focus group forum thing--and it's AT&T--thank God it's not Verizon or I'd have to switch cell phone service because I hate those commercials so much) but what advertising genius is crafting these duds? Who actually thought that a nebbishy Matthew Broderick looking guy  (I guess the dude's name is Beck Bennett--and he's on Saturday Night Live now--good luck with that) sitting at a tiny table in a children's library (??) or wherever the hell they are, asking a group of ethnically diverse kids some bogus questions ("what's better fast or slow/ more or less"?...) to which the kids supply canned, contrived answers would sell cell phones??  And for me, 'it's not that complicated'...these are the most irritating commercials on television right now.  I can't stand any one of those kids--not the werewolf girl, not that stupid disco kid, not the taping the cheetah to his grandma's back kid, not the infinity times infinity one (and if you look closely at that little gem, the kid next to the know-it all-girl is totally mouthing her lines...so much for the whole ad libbing thing) I sincerely hope that whoever dreamed up these spots was fired. (Interesting, there are several positive comments about these spots on the inter web. WTF??  I assume these positive comments are from the parents of these children and/or Mrs. Bennett)  No one should be asking these kids such stupid questions anyway. Frankly, no strange grown-ups should be asking kids anything. They are kids.  Their opinions are not really that interesting to me and have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on my purchasing decisions. And please, like we need anyone encouraging kids to be any more sassy, full of themselves, self involved or disrespectful.  Every kid in America acts like they are auditioning for a sit com or competing for the role of the mouthy younger sibling on every show on the Disney Channel.  I cannot fathom why any one, particularly an advertising expert, would think this makes for good advertising? It only makes me cringe. 

And these smug AT&T kids look like they're Amish compared to the kids in those Kraft macaroni and cheese ads--the boy who steals all the pots and pans so his parents can't eat macaroni and cheese while he's at a sleepover. And his evil cohort who calls out his mom during her Book Club for eating HIS mac and cheese. Are you kidding me? Buddy, it's not your macaroni and cheese unless you've shelled out the cash to pay for it, and even then, your parents can eat whatever the hell they want in their own house, without your nine year old approval, because guess what?? They're grown-ups.  That goes for you, too, Timmy--DO NOT  lecture your mother AND a room full of her friends because they betrayed you by eating YOUR (!?) macaroni and cheese during their Book Club (And a little aside to the TV mom--Really?? You're serving Kraft macaroni and cheese at your Book Club? What the hell sort of book club are you in? Unless you are making "theme" food for the Grapes of Wrath , step it up a notch, Sister.  Get some baked brie, a little crostini or something decent.  C'mon! Everyone knows that  only a third of the group has actually read the book, the other two thirds are coming for the food, adult beverages and a chance to escape their own sassy kids...so next time, put a little effort into the edibles... and  please keep your snotty ass kid upstairs).  If Timmy lived in my house, here is what he would hear: Hey, Timmy, guess what? Your happy ass should be in bed, Remember, you are only allowed to get out of bed if you are on fire or your brother is on fire.  Not only will you NEVER get a whiff of Kraft macaroni and cheese again, you will not be leaving your room for a good long time, as you will be quite busy writing every one of these book club attendees an apology letter, especially the one you had the audacity to not only address by her first name ("Not now, Doris"), but who you cheekily dismissed when she asked you a direct question. Timmy, I hate to break the news to you, but some one has to--you are a child.  You do what adults tell you and you get what adults give you.  In the  infamous words of Judge Smails "You will get nothing and like it..." 

And don't even get me started on the ridiculous kid who threatens to throw "a tantrum in aisle nine" because his mom is buying so many things at the Jewel/Osco sale that he can't fit his lazy little ass in the cart. First of all, this kid looks like he's about ten years old.  He has no business sitting in any cart.   For the love of God, his damn feet will be dragging on the ground.  This little snot should be pushing the cart, unloading the cart, bagging the groceries, carrying them all to the car and cooking a four course meal once the groceries get inside.  (Little aside: Back when Nate was about two years old and legitimately riding in the grocery cart, he some how lost one of his shoes.  He was wearing some beautiful tiny blue suede clogs with a little red strap from Garnet Hill. One must have fallen off while his feet were dangling in the cart and he never said a word.  I didn't notice until we were well into the frozen food section that his shoe was missing, and despite retracing our steps, I never found that shoe. Nate left the grocery hopping on his one shod foot. How the hell do you lose a shoe at the grocery?? It still pisses me off... I loved those shoes.)  But back to that nasty, tantrum threatening kid...thanks to him, I can't shop at Jewel/Osco anymore...

Do people really think this stuff is funny?? Who are these kids and why in heaven's name do their commercial parents let them talk to them like that? And more to the point, why do ad execs and companies think that these outspoken, obnoxious kids will move product?? I swear that I will not buy another box of Kraft macaroni and cheese until Timmy is off the air or permanently grounded.   (Pete "the anti-Atkins" McKeon is very upset by my Mac and cheese boycott, but I am taking a moral stand here. Until Kraft shows some well groomed, well manner children acting grateful for their mac and cheese, the only blue boxes coming into my house are from Tiffany.) 

I get it, these are only ads, but they are very disturbing ads to me.  Do we really live in a world ruled by these little pre-pubescent tyrants? Do these ads reflect mainstream America, where parents live in such fear of a tantrum throwing child that they will alter their behavior? Am I the only one repelled by these outlandishly, smug overly entitled children? Finally, I think the most egregious point of all is that a large segment of the advertising world believes that this snotty kid behavior is not only acceptable, but funny, endearing AND persuasive to consumers.  (I seriously cannot hear "queen my dishes, please" one more time.)  I know that I can be a total "Hey, kids, get off my lawn" octogenarian, and that I have an extremely low threshold for bad kid behavior (see Bad kid article from my glory days at the Kenosha News reprinted in this blog a few years ago at:  http://youcantscaremeihavekids.blogspot.com/2011/02/in-defense-of-tiger-mom.html), but this goes a little deeper than that.  I feel like these ad spots not only confirm that society's has embraced smug, bratty children, but that these behaviors are actually desirable, or influential in the market place.  And that kind of scares me.  The rest of the world can get bossed around by these little hooligans, but I'm not.  I am an actual adult and expect Madison Avenue to appeal to  me as such--bring on Will Farrel and his Dodge Durango commercials--  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2pZ1eGNeAI  Take that, Timmy.  

Today's Top Ten: 

1. Pope Francis--He just keeps getting better and better. 

2. Nashville--I love this show, and was promised the soundtrack from someone for my birthday...I'm still waiting.

3. La Dolce Vita--  the new Slim Aaron book. It's just as beautiful as his other books. Thanks, Jane!

4. Angel Food Cake--Kristi Ambro made the most delicious one and I ate about half last night.  Totally worth it, and isn't is supposed to be the "healthy cake?" 

5. Will Ferrel--he is SUCH a better pitchman than that Bennett guy

6. PURE Cashmere--I may have listed them before, but their stuff is beautiful.  Their sweaters are like butter.  Be careful, though. If you order too much you may have to pay duty on it as it comes from England. It has happened before....

7. The Corduroy chubbies--I'm not always a Chubbies fan, but the Fall corduroy ones are pretty slick. 

If you are not familiar with these so called Chubbies, check them out at : chubbiesshorts.com  Chris McKeon is the Chubbies ambassador at Notre Dame.  Skies out, thighs out.  We're so proud. 

8. The Boston Red Sox--nice job. Worst to first.  Poor Bobby Valentine...

9. Black turtlenecks--you can never go wrong with a few (hundred) of these

10. Birthday wishes.  Thanks to all for remembering my special day.  "Birthday cake is just about the happiest outcome flour can hope for"...words to live by. Found on a delightful card that my sister gave me for my Birthday.  Keeps making me laugh.  

  

Happy Halloween, Witches.  Enjoy your day.