No, actually I have a few stories to share and I am going to quickly share them (Quick aside: I am tempted to try that five hour energy that all the kids are imbibing these days, but I am afraid it will make me even more jittery and I've got enough damn issues...I'm not kidding)
Many exciting things have happened during my tenure on campus. Here they are in order of appearance:
- I had food poisoning one of my first days on campus and spent the night puking in my dorm sink....sweet, brought back a few special college memories. The good news is, I lost a few pounds. The bad news, I quickly put them back on...)
- Nate sprained his ankle playing basketball on some kid's driveway. Several days later his father took him for an x-ray--no break.
- During the great Kenosha wind storm, a tree fell on the corner of our house. Get the following text from Jack: "A tree fell on the house. Dad is not home. We can't get the car out of the garage. What should we do? "
- Dave and the kids did not have power for three days. In the mean time, I am attempting to master power point for a huge presentation due on Saturday. No power means no power point assistance from the youngsters at home. I was totally counting on Nate and Pete to do all the heavy lifting for me on this one. Nate heads out to Strawberry Creek to get internet access to send me some premade power point slides....this does not go well. Pull an almost all nighter. Learn power point--get an A- on the presentation...I am way too old for this sort of shit.
- Receive the following text: "WE still don't have power. We are sleeping in the basement, but we are all very stinky" Again, not the sort of text I was hoping to receive.
- Dave brings the kids up to visit on July 3rd to celebrate Pete's birthday. I feel like it is visitation day at the County Jail. Dave's hopes for a conjugal visit are dashed when he sees my accommodations. (also, having all the kids hanging around didn't help...)
- Have classes on the fourth of July. Is this even legal? Begin my Accounting Class. For someone who doesn't balance her own check book, this could be a challenge.
- Attend the Chiappetta wedding on July 9th.. What a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful reception. Despite several hours of reminders, Dave forgets to pack my dress and shoes for the wedding. He calls from the Edens and says that he is stuck in major Chicago traffic and if he has to turn around to get my dress, he is not coming back.... Jack (aka Johnny on the Spot) FedExes them overnight to the Morris Inn. Crisis averted--I had an AWESOME dress for the wedding AND some pretty sweet shoes. It was great to see Dave and the three younger kids. Hit the half way mark of school and heading down hill. Sue and Chip Chiappetta know how to throw a party.
- After seven long island Iced teas at the wedding, Dave backs into a post in the parking garage with his brand new Audi--oops. that hurts...(lesson here. Six Long Islands are enough...)
- Ace my first two accounting quizzes. Start to get a little cocky...bad strategy.
- Bond with my 27 year old cohorts with a rousing game of "Catch Phrase". My contribution to Game Night? A big ass bottle of Grey Goose. (and some cranberry juice to prevent UTIs--it's medicinal, look it up) Sure, all those Gen X Yers can kick my ass in making power point slides, but I can afford top shelf alcohol.... Advantage--me.....During the whole catch phrase thing, my true competitive nature comes out and I actually call someone a moron when she fails to guess "Easter Egg Hunt"..I'm blaming the goose.
- Chris and Jack inform me that they are hosting something called the "Catalina Wine Mixer". I so do NOT want to know what the hell this is all about. I tell them to talk to their father...and if they get arrested, call a good attorney.
- Take my accounting final---Fear that I have seriously overestimated my skills in this arena as it took me every minute of the FOUR hour finals period to finish the exam.....shiiiiittttt.
- Dave McKeon leaves for Germany. My children are home unattended--Chris and Jack reassure me that "it's all chill". Why does this scare me even more than the tree falling on the house?
- Receive a text from Pete today while I was in my Board Relations class. It read as follows: " the downstairs nonguest toilet is clogged because Jeff " (Please note that I have no son named Jeff) "accidentally flushed his phone down the toilet. It still worked, just a little slow, so I didn't think it would be a big deal so I decided to wait it out and see if it got better or worse. then it got clogged yesterday and we can't unclog it. (shocker there) So I was wondering if we should wait for you or dad to get home before we call a plumber. If you want us to call a plumber now, who should we call? thanks..and can't wait to see you" (this of course, is added for effect, so that I don't kill him). WTF? How can anyone, even Pete, ignore a cell phone that has been flushed down the toilet? When I ask Pete why no responsible adult heard about this mishap, he admittend that his friend Jeff (who spent the night at our house like a WEEK ago) was afraid to say anything in front of Dave. ....Ok, I totally get it, and sadly admire Pete's decision making on this one...Dave McKeon would totally have made Pete, or possibly his friend Jeff, retrieve that cell phone from the plumbing head first. ...And we wonder why kids don't want to spend the night at our house....
- Got my Accounting final back....I got an A and shocked the hell out of myself. Please do not spread this happy news to Dave McKeon, because he will now realize that I am wholly capable of balancing my check book, but just choose not to because it's easier to pull money out of his account when I use up all the money in my own...take that, Accounting...
Top Tens will resume, once I finish my homework. Signing off for now...and it wouldn't kill you to give me a few inspirational comments, would it???
Can't believe you are dominating school with everything going on at home! Really....trying to "mother" from a dorm? That's a whole book in itself! Your Gen X Yers cohorts will never have a colleague again who brings top shelf alcohol to Game Night!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work, Laurie.....there was never a doubt in my mind(I'm sure in everyone's mind) that you would dominate like your are. Almost there...stay well and be safe!
When I die and go to hell, can I hire you to write my daily journal? That way when I read it, I will LMAO instead of dwell on the negative nature of helldom.
ReplyDeleteHi Laurie,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on making it through!!!!!(the last 2d will be a breeze for you I am sure). Can't wait to hear about the experience in intimate detail!! Be safe on your way home.
Mom you're doing a swell job, keep it up. I'm just reassuring you everything is fine on the homefront so you can focus on those studies. Laundry is still being given back to the children at a record pace, the house is immaculate, like so clean that I wanna eat off the floors I clean, the children are all being fed, the kids get to all their events, and we even have time for family bonding shit like going to the club and seeing Harry Potter. Best of all is how much easier it is to sucker chicks into making/getting me food on a regular basis. I don't think it's so much that they pity me bc you're away as it is they now feel more comfortable in the house without you bc you scare all of them. I know you love putting the scare in folks my age, so good work.
ReplyDeleteSo there you go, it's ALL CHILL down here. ZIPLINES! LET'S DO THIS!
PS Nate is still my protege up here and is getting swol/fit, and better at golf. boom.
Your six weeks are already up? How come my six weeks didn't go by as fast?
ReplyDeleteIf you can spare 2 minutes, watch this...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.collegehumor.com/video/3797331/40-inspirational-speeches-in-2-minutes
I'm still somewhat disheartened about the fact that you never made it to an old-fashioned, sweaty dorm party Mrs. McKeon... you will just have to join us for a Saturday night after one of your wonderful, tasty tailgates this fall (after one of the many ND victories, I'm sure... fingers crossed).
ReplyDeleteI fully support letting young Jamarcus throw a Catalina Wine Mixer. After their attention and dedication to uphold the McKeon household, even during times of chaos with yourself gone and giving your time and energy for further educational development, I say the shidiot (and I say that in the kindest, most lovable way possible) deserves it. AND I've been known to get down during Catalina Wine Mixers, so I'm not gonna not be all for the idea.
Oh, also: I finally made it out and used my prize from the first BFC challenge. I took a couple of my classmates from my study abroad program (look at me, always the gentleman) program in Paris and went to "Mon Ami Gabi" to reminisce about France over some tasty escargot... it was awesome, so many thanks once again.
THought I would bring back some internet abbreviations.
ReplyDeleteMIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES: ATD - at the doctor. BFF - best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair . BYOT - bring your own teeth. FWIW - forgot where I was. GGPBL - gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA - got heartburn again. IMHO - is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR - on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU - rolling on floor laughing and can't get up. And my favorite....IPM- I pooped myself