MCYMC--THE BEST OF WEEK ONE

I am currently on page 16 of this f***ing paper and sliding into home. Man, I can't wait to get this monkey off my back.  I am way too old for this late night "desperation leads to inspiration" form of academia.  Hell, I'm way too old for academia....because pretty much all of the gifts you all suggested for mother in laws are gifts that I would want myself....Of course, everyone knows that I have always been a closet 80 year old: bone china, monogrammed napkins, personalized stationary (I love that shit too, Sara) the  Zodiac room at Neiman Marcus (home of the blue haired Michigan Avenure shopper--but their popovers are well worth dodging the three pronged canes) low heeled pumps, all white bedding, cashmere cardigans,  broaches, champagne flutes, refusing to address elders by their first names....yep, I would love anything of your MIL suggestions...except the coffin.

 Because of my love for you all and this blog, I am taking a break from my crap paper to announce tonight's top gift suggestions.  Consider this your MIL Christmas wish list and whatever you decide to get for your mother in law, please pick up an extra one for me to give to mine. Here's a little aside: I have a great friend in Ohio named Roger who had a beautiful store full of lovely gifts and personalized stationary (he still does my William Arthur Christmas cards). Every year, I would go into his store and choose a thoughtful, fairly expensive gift for my mother in law: orrefors bowls, sterling silver broaches, inlaid frames with photos of the children, and once even one of those backrests that you put on your bed (some call them a "husband") monogrammed of course. She never really liked any of them, so finally, it got to the point that I would go into Roger's store and say: "Can you just find me a $30 gift that my mother in law will hate as opposed to a $100 one that she will hate even more" . So, here's a little mother in law pointer from me to you: If you are the daughter in law, you might as well pick out a cheap gift for your mother in law because she's going to hate it either way...save yourself some money. All she really wants for Christmas is for her son to call her once a week and tell her that her cooking is way better than yours...go ahead and make the call, Dave Mckeon....it's totally true..
The suggestions for the week are stupendous, very impressive to say the least. It was very tough to choose the top five, so I am wussing out and choosing the top ten.  Now remember, the next step is  for you top tenners and everyone else to log into this blog (a lot) and vote for your favorite suggestion. Please don't let me down with this whole voting thing. This is a highly crafted contest shamelessly put together to bring this blog up to 50,000 hits by Christmas time.  So, let's please bring out the vote. If Chaz Bono can get enough votes to stay in DWTS for six weeks, we should be able to muster up a few thousands hits for this blog.

Before I list the top choices I just have one question: Jessica, who the hell is your mother in law?? And how much must you love her to give her a St. John suit and Manolos??? Seriously, please divorce your Dave and marry one of my sons. I will be your mother in law any day, any time. Do not take this the wrong way, but there is no way this ridiculously amazing gift suggestion can be in the top ten because it is just way too nice for anybody. And I don't want to have to buy this top shelf ensemble for the eventual winner of this contest. To safeguard against that very expensive proposition, I am pulling it out of the mix right here, right now.

Without more ado. Here are the top ten Mother In Law gift suggestions for this holiday season, in no particular order:

1. Broomstick---courtesy of Tricia--still makes me laugh
2. Vosges Chocolates--suggested by Kim/Brenna--these are terrific chocolates and a perfect gift for your MIL--because hopefully she will share them with you. Sometimes, gilt.com will have these on sale on their site. A few months ago  I bought and ate an entire box.  Worth every penny and every calorie.
3. Orla Kiely purse---recommended by Angela--can't wait for my sons to get married if my DILs give me a gift like this.
4. The Claw--a thoughtful suggestion from Jamarcus. Please don't discount this excellent gift--family fun for all ages.
5. Kringle of the month-give this to your MIL, and you, too, can be the happy recipient of a used small kitchen appliance
6. Huge basket filled with MIL Favorites--a wonderful idea from Judy, and think of all the great things you can put in it...(a carton of Benson and Hedges and See candies, perhaps?)
7. Louisville Slugger--ooh, Larry Sanchez, you've done it again. The gift that just keep on giving.
8. Kodack Digital Frame--this really is a great gift--nice job, John---this is not just a chick contest...
9. Anything from Seebecks---Brian Pond--I'm giving you this one. It's a damn fine suggestion and if you go into Seebecks and tell them you need a gift for your MIL, they will not lead you astray.
10. Personalized Stationary----recommended by Sara Pond, who is going to be a real contender in this contest know I love it, so it has to be perfect for all the old ladies

Now remember, get out there are drive the voters to the blog--We need to be able to pick some winners. The voting continues to run until Saturday...vote early, vote often.

I will tally a final score for the week once we get the votes going and  I get this paper done and done

Man, this Penn State thing is just wild.  How in hell can any self respecting person  NOT report someone abusing a child??? And now the campus is rioting over the firing of Joe Paterno...I really am an 80 year old lady because I find this so reprehensible that I can 't even stand it.