"AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

My homework for the night is done, I do not have on line school, and so I turn to the blog, to post up and create a close knit bond that the Facebook cannot provide.  (More on the Facebook in my next post...)

As Dave and I half -assed watch the Packers (who look freakishly good, by the way), we dissect our days and chat about important topics. Here are a few observations and conversational sound bites from Casa McKeon--(some game related, some not):

• Me: "What the hell is up with Al Michaels hair? I swear to God he sprayed it on his head out of a can". Dave: "You're right....ouch--. He's an announcer--who gives a shit what his hair looks like?" Me: "Him, I guess"
• Dave: "Is Kid Rock retired or something? or on the State Fair Tour? Why is he playing at the Packer game"  Me: "I don't know..."
• Me: "Nate and Pete spent $30 at Burger King buying dinner for themselves and Posey" Dave: "Why do you let them eat that shit?" Me: "Because the cleaning ladies came today" Dave: "What?" Me: "You know I hate to mess up the kitchen the night of the day that the cleaning ladies come. All I ask is that the  house stays clean for ten good hours after they leave...Is that too much to ask? " Dave: "So I take it, I'm not getting dinner?" Me: "Burger King is open" ....Dave: "KFC it is...that grilled chicken is alright..." Me: "Good call"
• A commercial comes on for that new show with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, "Up All Night" I think it looks kind of funny. Dave says: "What? They have only one kid? A baby? You can't have a show about that...that's not even enough material for a commercial. One kid doesn't even count--that's a f'ing party. Shit. People have a baby and they think they deserve a TV show??? Then I deserve a f'ing mini series"
• Dave: "Why do so many Packers have long hair and wear those stupid stocking caps? They look like a bunch of P*$$ie". Me: "They look ok"
• Dave McKeon: "Are you rooting for the Packers?! You grew up outside Chicago. You can't root for the Packers!" Laurie: "I am Packer neutral. They seem like an ok team to me....." Dave: "Traitor"
• Jack McKeon via phone: "Are you rooting for the Packers?" Me: "Kind of. Why? Do you hate the Packers. like dad?" Jack: "I don't hate the Packers, I hate the Packer fans..."
• Dave McKeon to me: "I saw some article in the Wall Street Journal today. You are not going to f'ing believe it...There was a whole article talking about 'murses' and 'mewelry'. I had to look twice. The WALL STREET JOURNAL was writing about  MEN'S PURSES (murses) and .MEN'S JEWELRY. (mewelry) Apparently men need some sort of a satchel to carry their 'mewelry'. What the hell happend to a brief case? Is the whole world just overrun by pussies now?.If I were a woman  today, I'd just start beating men up....they totally deserve it. " Me: "Well, what did it say about "murses" and "mewelry"? Dave: "Hell, I didn't read the article. I just turned the page. I don't want to read about shit like that..I've got a business to run, ...and it's not selling murses to p*$$ies"
• He continues: "Do you know who the face of the "murse carriers" is?" Me: "Tom Brady?" Dave: "Yeah, him too, but I was talking about Andrew Ross Sorkin, the pussy on Squawk Box who wrote that stupid Too Big to Fail book. He's on at 5am." Me: "You are the only person in the United States who knows who he is, let alone that he would carry a "murse". Dave: "Shit, everyone knows he's a pussy" . Me: "Okay, but Tom Brady is the spokesman for Ugg Boots. That pretty much makes him the King of the P*$$ies". Dave: "Yeah, but his wife is a super model. That counts for something. You know Sorkin's wife can and does beat him up regularly---probably with his "murse'"
• Dave--as an aside during the "murse" tirade: "That big, fat F'ing Raji (on the Green Bay Packers) looks like he's lost a little weight. He's a big F'cker. I think he probably weighed 400lbs last year. He looks like a trim 350 lb. now" Me: "you don't say"
• Followed by: Dave: "When I saw that article, the only thing I could think of was...my son Chris. He would totally carry a f'ing "murse". Me: "I don't think so, maybe a messenger bag"  Dave: "Which is a f'ing murse...admit it. our son is a p*$$y" Me: "Well, I don't think Jack would carry a "murse". Dave: "He'd f'ing better not"...Pete comes down stairs:
• Dave: "Hey, Pete, who's a bigger p*$$y? Tom Brady or Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Pete: "Who is Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Me: "Told you so" Dave: "Our kids don't know shit about current events..." Me; "The dude who wrote "Too Big to Fail" and carries a purse is not a current event...." Dave: "He should be....as a warning to men everywhere""...(I kid you not, these are actual conversations that go on between me and Dave--no wonder our kids are messed up)

Dave leaves to get some KFC grilled chicken. Please do not judge me to harshly for not cooking some nights. (particularly on cleaning lady night..) Generally I make dinner, but many nights Dave won't eat it because he is still on the slow carb diet...which means he eats nothing but protein (so any night I make pasta, --which is kind of a lot--he has to figure out his own meal--he eats a ton of Grilled KFC, a ton). He also talks about food pretty much all the time. I think he has manorexia. He has lost a bunch of weight and looks great. But, while Skinny Dave may live longer, I'm not going to lie to you, Fat Dave was way more fun.

Enough about us: Here is tonight's Top Ten:

1. Number 18 on the Packers, don't know his name, but he just went 108 yards for a touch down
2. Girls In White Dresses--a collection of related stories that is so funny and well written.
3. Frye Boots--the strappy short ones are super cute, but the Melissa button ones are even cuter--you're welcome, Annie McKeon
4. Monogrammed soaps from Pottery Barn--William Sonoma stopped carrying its monogrammed soaps, but Pottery Barn has picked up the slack...important fact to know.
5. Lou Holtz--did you see his halftime message during the Oklahoma State game? super impressive.
6. Madewell's wide leg jeans--super cool and you won't see them coming and going
7. Halloween plates from Hobby Lobby, especially the one with the kid carrying a pumpkin. They have a cool, old school look and only cost $7.99 a piece
8. Herman " God Father's Pizza" Cain--we watched the Republican debates last night and in the commentaries today, no one even mentioned that Herman Cain was there--I don't know jack smack about him, but he proposed some 999 plan which would put in a flat income tax at 9%.  I'd pretty much vote for the Anti-Christ if he lowered the McKeon income tax rate to 9%.
9. Rescue Me--had it's last episode last night.  I miss it already
10. Dave McKeon--Even with skinny Dave, every day is an adventure (full of p*$$ies)

Total aside: During the debates last night, I saw that John Huntsman. I didn't know much about him, and he has that bogus voice, but he's not Rick Perry, Michelle Bachhman or Mitt Romney, so I googled him....Guess what? It was totally freaky. He has five biological kids, an adopted daughter from China who is exactly Posey's age and a little girl adopted from India (sure, his international adoption goes right through, because he's a rich, famous connected guy, ours is still in process, but still) And get this, in a photo of his family, his oldest daughter is WEARING A BURBERRY SCARF,  just like Annies...It was freaky. I swear the Huntsmans are the Mormon, gun toting version of the McKeons...with a lot more money and a dad who is running for President, but still...see for yourself....

PS. I am trying to think up a new contest--that involves somehow getting you guys to do my homework. I'm still  trying to work out the details...I am only half kidding.

HAPPY LABOR DAY!!

Happy, Happy Labor Day, I hope you are all enjoying this special day off from labor, because some one should and it's not me.  I actually have class tonight, which seems so very wrong.But because I am a full red blooded American, I will soldier on and do my duty and post up some Labor Day musings on the blog. No rest for the wicked... You're Welcome. 

The 10 things Messing With my Labor Day Weekend-2011

10. Tailgate Residue--I have not quite put away all the tailgate paraphernalia. ( I'm still waiting for the table cloths to come through the laundry cycle) and it's so depressing having to restock the tailgate bins when the game was such a bust..

9. Underwear Issues:-- Dave McKeon is out of clean underwear--( And why is this my problem???   FYI- It's in the laundry basket in our room, all clean and folded... he's just too lazy to take it out himself and put it away.. True confession: now that we only have three kids at home, I am not nearly as compelled to keep the laundry cycle humming.  Three kids??? pfft... there's no challenge in that.... I can hardly be bothered)... Dave's solution ?--- go buy more...and I am totally down with that, but...

8. Long lines at the Mall--The always lovely Pleasant Prairie outlet mall is over run with Labor Day shoppers.  I mean it, they are backed up to the highway. I heard about this from Mr. McKeon which he discovered on his quest for new underwear---and again, somehow this is my fault??? I guess so.

7. Posey's awful Littlest Pet Shop videos--I love my youngest daughter to distraction, but she sure is no Fellini...Hell, she's not even Michael Moore.  Some one taught her how to make and edit videos on her flip camera.  Now she keeps making me watch these pointless movies she makes starring her Littlest Pet Shop figures. It is even worse than it sounds. It is beyond torture. Ask Nate. He is WAY nicer than me and even he can't stand watching them.  There is absolutely nothing that a little plastic cat wearing glasses has to say that I want to hear...or watch...

6. The Facebook--This social media device is still a mystery to me. I find myself both compelled and repelled by it at the same time.  Could someone please explain the 'chat' part?. And better yet, explain why I want to chat with people on the Facebook when I have a phone...(here is why I do not love, or even like The Facebook: I responded to someone's friend request--so far so good- and called up the Facebook-I saw that Nate was on line--or on that chat part of the Facebook.  Nate was upstairs in the house. I was downstairs. So, I chat with him and say: "Don't you have a paper to write" and he chats back saying; "I am on the toilet right now..." This is true--go see it for yourself on the Facebook.  Honestly, this sort of info should not be shared, chatted or even mentioned...not even to your mother...just never. This is why I do not love the Facebook--way too much sharing...however, the photos are alright. My new FB strategy--just looking at the pictures...BYW, Kyle Clark, your girlfriend is very cute. I'm sure she is very nice, too. NIce going, Give Ron Johnson my best...

5. The Weather--...It's 62 degrees outside today--WTF? today is the last day that the pool is open and it's 62??!!.Even I can't get a tan in that kind of chilliness. I know this because I tried yesterday, and was the only dumbass at the pool. (And go figure, it was 162 degrees on Saturday. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust at our tailgate.)

4. The Lifeguards-- Because I was the only fool at the pool, the lifeguards were super pissed and let their pissiness be known.  Until I showed up, they were allowed to stay inside and though I told them I wasn't going anywhere near the water, (and thus, the likelihood of me drowning was pretty slim), I guess they still have to sit in their chairs if anyone is on the pool deck.. So there they were, wearing sweats, sweat shirts and polar fleece, in their lifeguard chairs, giving me the stink eye. (Posey very smartly high tailed it inside as soon as we got to the club). I braved the cold as long as I could, praying the sun would come back. I  almost asked one of the lifeguards if I could borrow her sweatshirt, until I remember that they all hated me... tough to get a tan under several pool towels ...hope they hire a whole new crew for next summer, because if I get a cramp from swimming after eating, none of this year's guards are going in after me.

3. The Irish---I love Notre Dame with every fiber of my being, but good f'ing God, that football game was just awful--even worse than Posey's videos.   Really??? a fumble on the two yard line in the first possession? Five seriously dropped balls, and the one that hit the guy right in the side of his helmet??? Are you kidding me?  Plus a missed field goal?? A million penalties AND a deluge?? Two rain delays?  Shiiittt. My kids could have dropped all those passes and they are not on scholarship.

2.  Class-..It's just wrong to have to go to school on Labor Day Weekend. I even had class last night on Labor Day Eve.  What 's up with that?? I can see making the children on campus go to school today because they need to be toughened up some and suffer a few indignities, but us grownups? Enough already. I am plenty tough...I just need a break...

1.  Summer is over--The biggest thing messing up my Labor Day weekend is, that once the sun sets today, summer is totally over. Though the calendar says that summer officially ends Sept. 21st, we all know that today is it.  So long, summer.  Hurry Back.
.
Now, because I hate ending on a bad/sad note, I am adding another list:

The 10 things Making my Labor Day Weekend:

10. La Fogata--Mexican Restaraunt in Kenosha that has become our new auxiliary kitchen. Dave took the kids last night while I was "in class" and I took them there for lunch while Dave played golf...es muy bueno--and I am muy lazy...

9. Lake Michigan--it may be chilly, but the Lake has been beautiful all weekend. It's something.

8. Technology success---I hate to jinx myself, but I made through one entire class without screwing up any part of the techno piece. Moreover, I had a skype group meeting AND an on line chat as well. I am Al "the internet" Gore. 

7. Jimmy Johns--they always come through and their sandwich platters were the perfect choice for our tailgate---It was so goddamn hot that any other sort of food would have been too much. And their chips are the best...

6. Sleeping In--just can't beat having a day off to sleep past 5:15 and today was that day.

5. ND undergrads--we had scores of kids coming to the tailgate this weekend and I must admit, they are, in the words of Johnny Jaraczewski  "all good kids, all good kids". It was great to meet Jack's buddies and it is always a pleasure to see the Gentlemen from St.Eds. A special shout out to Molly Madden and Kim Westphal--even melting under that tent, you both still made me laugh.  Molly, where's my photo?

4. Long Island Iced Teas--the official drink of the McKeon tailgates. We finished off 5 gallons well before game time.  While I would like to blame the heat for the mass consumption of this beverage, I think it was just a function of the crowd. Lesson learned- 10 gallons for Michigan State...

3. Annie's Apartment--Annie has a terrific place very close to campus. It is WAY too nice for an undergrad--(don't even ask)--but it came in very handy during the rain delays. I have a feeling this fair weather fan may be utilizing it more than once.

2. Becky and Jerry Miller--our great friends from Mansfield were at the ND game and came to our tailgate. It was so nice to see them and they are the world's best sports.  Even in the Africa heat they never lost their good humor and in honor of Labor Day, I would like to quote Jerry who for some reason  kept reminding me all day "The United States is the best damn country in the world" . He is right. It is. Jerry, I hope your parents were ok...(Becky and Jerry left them in the stadium for like four hours while they attended our tailgate...elderly abuse or just smart thinking???)

1. IT'S JESSICA SCHREINER'S BIRTHDAY!! Word on the street is that Jessica is a true fan of the blog and because I will pull out all the stops for any and all fans, I am giving her this special birthday shout out. Jessica is once again turning twenty nine,  she lives in Eau Claire (wherever the hell that is) and has actually kissed Billy Idol on stage--(Jessica, where was the picture of that when I was begging people to send in their famous photos???) I need to hear the details on that special kiss...Was it the cool young Billy Idol or the middle aged Billy Idol--it does kind of make a difference. Also, our Jessica HATES the Facebook, so you know she's totally cool. Have a very great birthday, Jessica, and keep reading the blog... (is this a full service blog or what??) And remember, your awesome friends Rob and Jean love you very much. 

To all, enjoy these last few hours of summer....I 've got to get to class....shiiiiitttt...