OK, NOW IT'S A CONTEST

I am absolutely certifiable for starting a contest right now (who are we kidding? I was always certifiable) but I have this killer idea for an awesome contest and I can't let it go--accounting paper be damned...(page 7 and counting) I will fill you all in on the details of the contest, but before I do, here are the top ten reasons why I have NO business starting anything right now, let alone a big old blog contest:

1. I am only on page 7 of my accounting paper--13 pages to go and I have to turn it on by Friday
2. I haven't even looked at my notes for the accounting midterm I have to take on line before I leave for Haiti on Saturday.
3. I'm going to Haiti (with Nate, Pete and Chris- you know this is not going end well--you know one if not all of us will be getting something---malaria, typhoid, cholera or all of the above. In addition, Dave McKeon is pretty sure that somehow, I will piss someone off and either get shot or kidnapped--either way he reserves the right to say "I told you so" and to negotiate with the kidnappers to lower any ransom demands.).
4. I am currently about 300 pages behind in my reading for my Law class--(little aside--I am super miffed that I did not get the highest, or even the second highest grade in my law class on our midterm--I have a freaking law degree....WTF???)
5. Over the next month, I have to take and hopefully pass all of my finals (that's the plan, anyway)
6. I stupidly agreed to write some chapter for some bogus book that one of my professor is publishing (what was I thinking?? ..book deal, that 's what I was thinking)
7. I haven't cooked a meal in weeks and my kids are living at the wing stop.
8. I am doing Thanksgiving at my house (again, seemed like a good idea at the time) 
9. I am old and continually exhausted (nothing new here)
10. These blog contests take a ton of time, and I have none left.

However, these are the top ten reasons why I should do this contest:

1. I promised John Heinzman that I would
2. My blog friends always make me laugh
3. Louis and Judy Pulera haven't thrown down for months now
4. Angela will be up all night with the baby and needs something to do
5. Barb Clark hasn't won a Burberry scarf yet
6. I miss Stacy and her jokes, Tina Lampe and her niceness, Brenna and her gracious comments...and all of the Stedsmen
7. Sleep is unnecessary and over rated
8. It's an awesome contest--I'm not kidding
9. Without a contest I cannot be trusted to ever post a single word on this blog
10. All I want for Christmas is 50,000 hits

So, because the pros so outweigh the cons, I am starting, right this minute, the Merry Christmas to You and Me Contest. (MCYMC) This contest will be a great help to everyone during the always hectic Christmas season.  Moreover, it is totally engineered to make the ticker on the blog go through the roof.

 Here is how it's going to work.  Every Saturday or Sunday (cut me a little slack here, ok? my schedule is crazy and I never do my homework until the last hot second so while my intentions may be good, I don't want to be totally locked into some schedule that I can't make workand I don't want John Heinzman riding my ass for being late with a post) I will name a category of items and you all must make recommendations within that category for great Christmas gifts, hopefully complete with a little description and where to buy said gift. See how this benefits everyone? Then, later in the week, (probably on Wednesdays) I will narrow down the entries to the top five and then, from Wednesday until that Saturday, every one, every where (you all included) gets to vote on the ones they like the best.  Points will be awarded for every entry, bigger points will be rewarded for the top five and then HUGE points will be awarded to the weekly winner. As we get closer to Christmas, and I finish my school semester, I will probably narrow the time table, but for now, this is all I can realistically commit to...

Here is an example: Let's say the category for this week is Men's Accessories- then, all of you guys send in legitimate ideas for great Christmas gifts in that genre--John Heinzman will say "Hermes tie", Judy Pulera will say "Tiffany engraved cuff links" , Chris McKeon will say "Filson belt", Dave McKeon will say "Fifth of Jack Daniels", Angela Fitzpatrick will say "BabyBjorn", Brian Pond will say "Kardashian sister"  ...you get the idea. You can enter as many times as you want as long as it is a new entry. Also, please try to come up with new ideas and not items I have put on my top ten lists before--Hey, I have very limited time this year and I am counting on all of you (this means you, my new bestie Jessica with the over the knee boots) to find some great loot that I can click and buy AND, because I  really am seriously trying to get 50,000 hits before Christmas, PLEASE encourage every one you know to vote--early and often. Finally, if anyone has any hard to buy for people on your Christmas list, feel free to suggest an appropriate category so we can, as a loving group, help you with your Christmas shopping needs.



Oh, and in terms of the prizes, I will be culling them from the suggestions you all provide--so, let's get some good ideas here. The gift you suggest, just may be the gift you end up winning... how's that for incentive??

So, the very first category in the MCYMC is: BEST GIFT FOR A MOTHER-IN-LAW...I know it's a hard one, but we might as well start with a bang...this is one that I'd love a few (hundred) suggestions for, so have at and give me your best ideas...and remember, try to give some supporting details so others can use your suggestions...

The Christmas season has officially begun--the contest is ON!  good luck, go shop and make me proud.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

Holy Christ, it has been ages since I last posted.  Sorry.  Without a contest to keep me committed, I am a total slacker. However, I cannot do any contests until I finish my 20 page accounting paper---and I can't finish my 20 page accounting paper until I actually start it....  But here is my philosophy on accounting papers...."She don't read, she just look at the numbers"  (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)  Oh, Becky Cunningham, I only wish you knew how often you were quoted in the McKeon house hold.("she don't cook, she just look at the drive thru; she don't clean, she just look at the dust bunnies; he don't read, he just look at the amount due..."--we've got a million of them)

 For those of you who really want a new contest, I suggest you all pool your resources and pay some local accountant to write me up a 20 pager, complete with charts, graphs and bibliography, post haste (yeah, I'm talking about you, Jeannie Fredrickson, and you, too, Kristi Ambro) Once that paper is done, it's all contests all day. 

Now on to this special post. Yes, yesterday (now, the day before yesterday--it took me a while to figure out how to get those photos in...and then I went out to drinks with my friends last night for my birthday...and then I was just useless...please, pretend like this post went up yesterday, Ok?) was my happy birthday and thanks to so many of you for the great birthday wishes. Excellent, excellent use of the Facebook to wish your friends a Happy Birthday. I enjoyed that part immensely and I have to tell you, I enjoyed my birthday immensely as well. And do you know why? Here's why...  Because I made a solemn vow not to do one hot thing all day that I did not want to do.. not one thing. .Now, please read this correctly. I did not say that I spent the day doing exactly what I wanted--that would be too much, really, because as you all know, my wants are endless and boundless (trip to Paris, the Hermes birkin bag, dropping a quick 20 pounds, lunch with Babe Paley and Slim Keith, guest spot on Revenge, book deal...)Hell, I'm not asking for miracles. I just wanted to spend ONE day not having to do the day to day, bullshitty, obligatory things that take up at least 90 percent of my life--think about it, how often do you get to spend an entire day not doing things you hate?? ? Um, like never...So yesterday, with the exception of having to take Pete to the hospital for a quick hand x-ray, (slight glitch in the day of freedom, but it went pretty fast and I spent the whole time reading the article about learning how to be a butler in the Town and Country I brought with me, so it really wasn't too bad, and I actually kind of did want to take him and get it over with so I wouldn't be that mom who lets her kid sit around all week with a broken bone...oh wait, that's my sister Wendy...) but I really did spend pretty much the ENTIRE day, not doing anything I didn't want to do...and while it was not the most exciting day, ever, it was total aces to me.

Here are the things I did NOT do on my birthday:

• Write a single word of my 20 page accounting paper
• Read the 300 pages that I am behind in my law class
• Even recall that I am taking a leadership class
• Check the laundry chute
• Turn on the stove,
• Turn on the  oven,
• Turn on the toaster, dishwasher, iron, vacuum or any other household appliance (total dream day right there)
• Cook food
• Fold laundry
• Go to the grocery
• Go to the bank
• Go to any meetings
• Touch any cleaning products
• Attend the Varsity boy's soccer dinner--sorry, but I have been attending these dinners for the last 15 years and unless they are going to start serving alcohol at these functions, I will always be a reluctant attendee---missing this was just about the highlight of my birthday-no offense to any kid, mom or person involved-(especially my son Nate)-
• Make the requisite dessert for said soccer dinner...Nate bought a nice pie from Cold Stone on his way..Done and done
• Schedule a home repair
• Wait for the cable guy
• Listen to any whining, complaining, nonsense or back sass
• Suffer any fools
• Get on the scale
• Wear too tight pants
• Pretend to care about the odd dreams anyone had last night
• Pretend to care about the meetings Dave had at work
• Pretend to listen to any stories involving little plastic animals
• Feign interest in my mother's health issues
• Feign interest in anyone's health issues (even Pete's thumb...we got the x-ray--negative by the way--but I didn't pretend to be interested...however, just ask me how to serve the cheese course--that butler article--very interesting)
• Engage in pointless conversation
• Make sure kids did their homework
• Pay bills--who we kidding? I don't pay the bills anyway
• Watch educational television

Things I DID do on my special day

• Ate a big breakfast at the Coffee Pot with my kids and my friends (courtesy of the McTernans, at a decked out table...terrific)
• Read Dominick Dunne's last novel Too Much Money.. This is the book he wrote right before he died.  I love Dominick Dunne, read every single thing he wrote in Vanity Fair, and this book is very autobiographical. The main character is totally based on Dunne's life right down to having a murdered daughter. However, at the end of the book, the Dominick Dunne character reveals that he is gay.  Query: Is Dominick Dunne gay? Which honestly, would only make me like him even more, but seriously, if this is true, how did I not know? When did this happen? Did I miss an episode or something?  I am expecting Judy Pulera and Tricia Heinzman to set me straight on this one...Anyhow, it was a great birthday read.
• Read the latest Town and Country Magazine
• Talked on the phone to my happy birthday wishing friends
• Received many, many great birthday wishes on the Face Book
• Checked the Face Book more than once
• Admired my amazing Halloween decorations--Here is a photo of the mantle--it is killer-the whole house looks great--just ask Catherine Hicks (Annie's friend, not the mom on Seventh Heaven...my obscure celeb recall is rather savantish...)

Can you read what this says? It says HAPPY HALLOWEEN WITCHES--total classic. it makes me laugh all day long--and this is just the tip of the Hallween decor iceberg--Happy Halloween, witches..

• Talked to my college aged children who called to wish me many happy returns
• Received two (not one, but TWO) killer Notre Dame Flags for my birthday (actually got them a little earlier--we flew them at the USC Game--don't bring it up--but they are crazy awesome, and here is a picture of my birthday flags--the top one is an ND flag with everyone in our families' name on it, the bottom is the McKeon family crest--which is full of symbols--ask Dave for the official explanation--I'm pretty sure they all mean "House full of shidiots". However, please note that the flag pole is perfectly straight as it is the best flag pole on the market--again, just ask Dave McKeon, as he now has a PhD in custom flags and flagpoles. Seriously, these flags are top drawer. I love them. They are the perfect exception to the general rule of : "If I can't wear it, it's not a gift..." These flags are so cool, I may actually wear them...given enough long island iced teas...

• Ate a great dinner at the club
• Hassled Nate for being late for my birthday dinner (he was trapped at said soccer dinner)
• Laughed at Pete's impressions of his English teacher
• Unwrapped the DVDs of the last two seasons of Rescue Me, courtesy of Nate and Pete (tardiness forgiven, Nate) Well done, boys...
• Discussed whether or not kids today are better educated that kids 100 years ago  (Nate and Pete: "Of course we are". Me: "Well, the average kid today is probably better educated because more kids go to school, but you guys compared to young men really educated at a decent school in the 1910s? No way....those guys were reading Greek and Latin, studying the Magna Carta and memorizing Shakespeare...you two can barely spell Shakespeare...and neither can your friends." Dave McKeon: "You kids are all a bunch of dumbasses, especially Chris"
• Bought several more books for my nook
• Went to bed before 11 (super early for me)

All in all, a very fine day.  Again, thanks to everyone who sent out birthday sentiments---especially my friend with the freakishly good voice who left a singing birthday message on my cell phone. You know I saved that, right?

Now, and it's been such a long time, but here is today's top ten--saving the best for last..

1. Cake from Beth Mattuecci's cake lady
2. Posey's new blue suede primigi boots--you have to see them to truly appreciate them
3. The Lalique earrings on sale right now on Vivre.com--a killer deal and they are just as pretty in real life. I should know--I bought them. 
4. The awesome dress I received from my birthday pals from Strawberry Fields in Lake Geneva. It is made out of men's suits--and is absolutely perfect--thanks, ladies
5. Let's Bring Back--a phenomenal book Annie gave me full of classic things that I love (like brooches, consomme, garden parties) that need to be revived...it is a masterpiece. Thanks, Annie...and I hope you all know, that I singlehandedly brought back Tretorn sneakers about four years ago--they can now be seen in J.Crew--you're welcome.
6. J. McLaughlins--great store that I first encountered in Georgetown--bought a great coat there--There is one in Charleston and now there is one on  the square in Lake Forest where Penny's From Heaven used to be...received a dynamite birthday gift from there...thanks, Carol.
7. The Bitch magnet from Judy Pulera--I'm still laughing.
8. The Neiman Marcus Christmas book, which is offering its usual crazy high end gifts--but did you notice that this year they are offering a wooden boat modeled after the always classic, never to be replicated Chris Craft??? of course they are....
9. The Notre Dame flags--they have to make the list
10. Mary Grace Fitzpatrick-- the new baby daughter of our own Burberry scarf winning Angela Fitzpatrick and her super husband Brendan.  She is just beautiful and much loved by her two big brothers, Jake and Henry. Just another Fitzpatrick to love...congratulations and love to the whole family...babies make the whole rest of the world make sense...

And on that happy note. I sign off.  However, I really will post more because I made a solemn promise to my good friend John Heinzmann, and I am nothing if not a woman of my word...but again, no contest until somebody (anybody) finishes that accounting paper...

STRATEGY FOR THE FACEBOOK

As I alluded to, I have been dabbling in The Facebook. And now they kind of changed the look of the Facebook and I am even more lost and less interested. I can't really "chat" or talk on it, and don't really want to. I don't understand the news feed part, but now that doesn't even show up, so I'm  glad I never spent the time to figure out how to use that part. Finally, it appears to me, that most people just use The Facebook as a big, gratutious photo album and I am totally down with that... for a couple of reasons: 1. becaue I don't know how to down load pictures on the Facebook, so other than the three that are on my page, I'm pretty safe, and 2, this whole photo thing aligns nicely with my  FB strategy,

Yes, I have a strategy for the Facebook. and I call it "just looking at the pictures". Really, that's pretty much all anyone does, who are we kidding? Except for the few who down load news feeds and make sassy comments (talking about you, John Heinzman) everyone out there is "just looking at the pictures"... I did not invent this strategy  of  "just looking at the pictures". As a matter of fackt, this strategy existed way before the Facebook. I adapted this strategy from one Becky Cunningham, a consummate "garbage professional" that I've had the pleasure to know.

Allow me to explain: When we lived in Ohio, people had to pay for private garbage service. We used a nice service called "Don Haynes Rubbish". Now, Don Haynes did a good job, of picking up our mass quantities of garbage, until Christmas 2000. This was the year we adopted Posey, and because we were in China from the end of  November through the first part of December, I bought all the kids' Christmas gifts on line, before we left. Needless to say, come Christmas Day, we had tons of cardboard boxes and packaging to dispose of.  So, Dave McKeon broke down all the boxes, wrapped them up in twine and set them out with our garbage cans for pick up. Don Haynes came, took the garbage, but left the large bundles of neatly tied up cardboard. I quickly called old Don Haynes and left this message: "Hello, this is Laurie McKeon at 2720 Alta West Road. It's 7:30 in the morning, and your guys just left, but they didn't take any of the card board boxes that we had neatly tied up with the garbage. Could you please come back and get them? You are the garbage carrier, come back and carry away the garbage, please..." Surprisingly, Don Haynes's guys never came back...and old Don Hayes never called. Instead, he sent me a nice little note on "Don Haynes Garbage man Letterhead" that read: "Git (sic) someone else". No joke, I got fired by our garbage carrier.

For several months, I kept that dismissal letter taped to my kitchen cabinet, to remind myself to be a little nicer, but  i got over Don Haynes pretty darn fast as he was soon replaced by the Cunninghams.-- a small, start up family  garbage service who made up for their lack of expertise (and teeth--seriously, they would come pick up the trash, three in the front seat of their garbage truck and not a full set of teeth between them--sometimes even the grandma would be with them. I'm a sucker for a family business empire) with a gung ho attitude and a willingness to collect all things trashy. When I called the Cunningham operation, I had the pleasure of talking to Becky, the brains of the organization. (her brother Billy was the truck driver/brawn). Because regular trash collection was critical to my household, I was truly desperate to find and keep quality garbage service, I asked Becky if her company had any issue with picking up cardboard boxes, or had any other garbage restrictions. And Becky laid it all out there for me, telling me: "We don't take paint, we don't take tiiires, (for years I thought she meant "tars", but I eventually realized she meant "tires") and we don't take dead animals"....I told Becky I could live with that, (I guess I would have to dispose my dead animals elsewhere) and promptly paid her for a year's service, figuring she wouldn't fire me, as she and her brothers would have already spent their year's advance on Slim Jims and flaming hot cheetos.

I continued to pay the Cunninghams by the year,( just a little garbage insurance) When we moved from Mansfield we obviously had a garbage credit, which was no big deal, money well spent However, once that garbage credit was over, Becky Cunningham kept sending me bills. Finally, I called her and said: "Hey, Becky, we haven't lived at the Alta West address in over five months. Didn't your brother  notice the changed name on the mail box?"  And she said, with not an ounce of irony: "Oh, Laurie, he don't read,... he just look at the number" ( I LOVE this quote...I use it all the time, even when it doesn't apply....think about it, just about anything can happen and you can say; 'Oh, he don't (fill in the blank) He just look at the number) And thus, a Face book strategy was born....She don't read....she just look at the pictures... Becky Cunningham, a visionary..who knew?

So there you go, now you know how I use "The Facebook" Just keep those photos coming, because she don't read, she just look at the pictures..."

Tonight's Top Ten:

1. The Art of Feilding  a great, much hyped book by Chad Harbach, who grew up in Racine and actually went to St. Cats.
2. The assorted licorice tub from Harry and Davids--very tasty
3. The slim cargo cords for girls in the Tea Collection catalogue-great colors and just enough hipness
4. Footloose--old and new-I will not lie, I am dying to see the new Footloose
5. Happy Endings--great little sit com that just makes me laugh
6. Black watch plaid blazer from J.Crew--it's old school/new cool- plan on seeing it a lot this winter
7. Revenge--the show that comes on after Happy Endings--a total guilty pleasure featuring Amy from Everwood (another fine television drama that only I watched....)
8. Mary Chapin Carpenter--she came back into my life via Dave McKeon's ipod. Man, her first album was really, really good
9. "Go, Irish" --the phrase, not the team...well the team, too, but I am trying to make the phrase "Go, Irish" become a universal salutation or exclamation like that stupid "Roll, Tide" (ok, Roll, Tide is kind of cool, but I want "Go, Irish" to go platinum.
10. Chai Ling--Annie's boss from the summer, was a student leader in the Tiananman Square hunger strike in China, sought political asylum in the US, earned degrees from both Harvard and Princeton, started a super software company, then used that money to fund All Girls Allowed, was nominated for the Nobel Peace prize twice and just wrote a new book A Heart for Freedom. She is super impressive--go buy her book.

Well, that's it for tonight, Sorry these posts are few and far between. School is messing up my blogging time....dang it. Hope to get back at it, but I'm not making any promises....Oh, and by the way, the spell check isn't working....good luck with that.

"AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

My homework for the night is done, I do not have on line school, and so I turn to the blog, to post up and create a close knit bond that the Facebook cannot provide.  (More on the Facebook in my next post...)

As Dave and I half -assed watch the Packers (who look freakishly good, by the way), we dissect our days and chat about important topics. Here are a few observations and conversational sound bites from Casa McKeon--(some game related, some not):

• Me: "What the hell is up with Al Michaels hair? I swear to God he sprayed it on his head out of a can". Dave: "You're right....ouch--. He's an announcer--who gives a shit what his hair looks like?" Me: "Him, I guess"
• Dave: "Is Kid Rock retired or something? or on the State Fair Tour? Why is he playing at the Packer game"  Me: "I don't know..."
• Me: "Nate and Pete spent $30 at Burger King buying dinner for themselves and Posey" Dave: "Why do you let them eat that shit?" Me: "Because the cleaning ladies came today" Dave: "What?" Me: "You know I hate to mess up the kitchen the night of the day that the cleaning ladies come. All I ask is that the  house stays clean for ten good hours after they leave...Is that too much to ask? " Dave: "So I take it, I'm not getting dinner?" Me: "Burger King is open" ....Dave: "KFC it is...that grilled chicken is alright..." Me: "Good call"
• A commercial comes on for that new show with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, "Up All Night" I think it looks kind of funny. Dave says: "What? They have only one kid? A baby? You can't have a show about that...that's not even enough material for a commercial. One kid doesn't even count--that's a f'ing party. Shit. People have a baby and they think they deserve a TV show??? Then I deserve a f'ing mini series"
• Dave: "Why do so many Packers have long hair and wear those stupid stocking caps? They look like a bunch of P*$$ie". Me: "They look ok"
• Dave McKeon: "Are you rooting for the Packers?! You grew up outside Chicago. You can't root for the Packers!" Laurie: "I am Packer neutral. They seem like an ok team to me....." Dave: "Traitor"
• Jack McKeon via phone: "Are you rooting for the Packers?" Me: "Kind of. Why? Do you hate the Packers. like dad?" Jack: "I don't hate the Packers, I hate the Packer fans..."
• Dave McKeon to me: "I saw some article in the Wall Street Journal today. You are not going to f'ing believe it...There was a whole article talking about 'murses' and 'mewelry'. I had to look twice. The WALL STREET JOURNAL was writing about  MEN'S PURSES (murses) and .MEN'S JEWELRY. (mewelry) Apparently men need some sort of a satchel to carry their 'mewelry'. What the hell happend to a brief case? Is the whole world just overrun by pussies now?.If I were a woman  today, I'd just start beating men up....they totally deserve it. " Me: "Well, what did it say about "murses" and "mewelry"? Dave: "Hell, I didn't read the article. I just turned the page. I don't want to read about shit like that..I've got a business to run, ...and it's not selling murses to p*$$ies"
• He continues: "Do you know who the face of the "murse carriers" is?" Me: "Tom Brady?" Dave: "Yeah, him too, but I was talking about Andrew Ross Sorkin, the pussy on Squawk Box who wrote that stupid Too Big to Fail book. He's on at 5am." Me: "You are the only person in the United States who knows who he is, let alone that he would carry a "murse". Dave: "Shit, everyone knows he's a pussy" . Me: "Okay, but Tom Brady is the spokesman for Ugg Boots. That pretty much makes him the King of the P*$$ies". Dave: "Yeah, but his wife is a super model. That counts for something. You know Sorkin's wife can and does beat him up regularly---probably with his "murse'"
• Dave--as an aside during the "murse" tirade: "That big, fat F'ing Raji (on the Green Bay Packers) looks like he's lost a little weight. He's a big F'cker. I think he probably weighed 400lbs last year. He looks like a trim 350 lb. now" Me: "you don't say"
• Followed by: Dave: "When I saw that article, the only thing I could think of was...my son Chris. He would totally carry a f'ing "murse". Me: "I don't think so, maybe a messenger bag"  Dave: "Which is a f'ing murse...admit it. our son is a p*$$y" Me: "Well, I don't think Jack would carry a "murse". Dave: "He'd f'ing better not"...Pete comes down stairs:
• Dave: "Hey, Pete, who's a bigger p*$$y? Tom Brady or Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Pete: "Who is Andrew Ross Sorkin?" Me: "Told you so" Dave: "Our kids don't know shit about current events..." Me; "The dude who wrote "Too Big to Fail" and carries a purse is not a current event...." Dave: "He should be....as a warning to men everywhere""...(I kid you not, these are actual conversations that go on between me and Dave--no wonder our kids are messed up)

Dave leaves to get some KFC grilled chicken. Please do not judge me to harshly for not cooking some nights. (particularly on cleaning lady night..) Generally I make dinner, but many nights Dave won't eat it because he is still on the slow carb diet...which means he eats nothing but protein (so any night I make pasta, --which is kind of a lot--he has to figure out his own meal--he eats a ton of Grilled KFC, a ton). He also talks about food pretty much all the time. I think he has manorexia. He has lost a bunch of weight and looks great. But, while Skinny Dave may live longer, I'm not going to lie to you, Fat Dave was way more fun.

Enough about us: Here is tonight's Top Ten:

1. Number 18 on the Packers, don't know his name, but he just went 108 yards for a touch down
2. Girls In White Dresses--a collection of related stories that is so funny and well written.
3. Frye Boots--the strappy short ones are super cute, but the Melissa button ones are even cuter--you're welcome, Annie McKeon
4. Monogrammed soaps from Pottery Barn--William Sonoma stopped carrying its monogrammed soaps, but Pottery Barn has picked up the slack...important fact to know.
5. Lou Holtz--did you see his halftime message during the Oklahoma State game? super impressive.
6. Madewell's wide leg jeans--super cool and you won't see them coming and going
7. Halloween plates from Hobby Lobby, especially the one with the kid carrying a pumpkin. They have a cool, old school look and only cost $7.99 a piece
8. Herman " God Father's Pizza" Cain--we watched the Republican debates last night and in the commentaries today, no one even mentioned that Herman Cain was there--I don't know jack smack about him, but he proposed some 999 plan which would put in a flat income tax at 9%.  I'd pretty much vote for the Anti-Christ if he lowered the McKeon income tax rate to 9%.
9. Rescue Me--had it's last episode last night.  I miss it already
10. Dave McKeon--Even with skinny Dave, every day is an adventure (full of p*$$ies)

Total aside: During the debates last night, I saw that John Huntsman. I didn't know much about him, and he has that bogus voice, but he's not Rick Perry, Michelle Bachhman or Mitt Romney, so I googled him....Guess what? It was totally freaky. He has five biological kids, an adopted daughter from China who is exactly Posey's age and a little girl adopted from India (sure, his international adoption goes right through, because he's a rich, famous connected guy, ours is still in process, but still) And get this, in a photo of his family, his oldest daughter is WEARING A BURBERRY SCARF,  just like Annies...It was freaky. I swear the Huntsmans are the Mormon, gun toting version of the McKeons...with a lot more money and a dad who is running for President, but still...see for yourself....

PS. I am trying to think up a new contest--that involves somehow getting you guys to do my homework. I'm still  trying to work out the details...I am only half kidding.

HAPPY LABOR DAY!!

Happy, Happy Labor Day, I hope you are all enjoying this special day off from labor, because some one should and it's not me.  I actually have class tonight, which seems so very wrong.But because I am a full red blooded American, I will soldier on and do my duty and post up some Labor Day musings on the blog. No rest for the wicked... You're Welcome. 

The 10 things Messing With my Labor Day Weekend-2011

10. Tailgate Residue--I have not quite put away all the tailgate paraphernalia. ( I'm still waiting for the table cloths to come through the laundry cycle) and it's so depressing having to restock the tailgate bins when the game was such a bust..

9. Underwear Issues:-- Dave McKeon is out of clean underwear--( And why is this my problem???   FYI- It's in the laundry basket in our room, all clean and folded... he's just too lazy to take it out himself and put it away.. True confession: now that we only have three kids at home, I am not nearly as compelled to keep the laundry cycle humming.  Three kids??? pfft... there's no challenge in that.... I can hardly be bothered)... Dave's solution ?--- go buy more...and I am totally down with that, but...

8. Long lines at the Mall--The always lovely Pleasant Prairie outlet mall is over run with Labor Day shoppers.  I mean it, they are backed up to the highway. I heard about this from Mr. McKeon which he discovered on his quest for new underwear---and again, somehow this is my fault??? I guess so.

7. Posey's awful Littlest Pet Shop videos--I love my youngest daughter to distraction, but she sure is no Fellini...Hell, she's not even Michael Moore.  Some one taught her how to make and edit videos on her flip camera.  Now she keeps making me watch these pointless movies she makes starring her Littlest Pet Shop figures. It is even worse than it sounds. It is beyond torture. Ask Nate. He is WAY nicer than me and even he can't stand watching them.  There is absolutely nothing that a little plastic cat wearing glasses has to say that I want to hear...or watch...

6. The Facebook--This social media device is still a mystery to me. I find myself both compelled and repelled by it at the same time.  Could someone please explain the 'chat' part?. And better yet, explain why I want to chat with people on the Facebook when I have a phone...(here is why I do not love, or even like The Facebook: I responded to someone's friend request--so far so good- and called up the Facebook-I saw that Nate was on line--or on that chat part of the Facebook.  Nate was upstairs in the house. I was downstairs. So, I chat with him and say: "Don't you have a paper to write" and he chats back saying; "I am on the toilet right now..." This is true--go see it for yourself on the Facebook.  Honestly, this sort of info should not be shared, chatted or even mentioned...not even to your mother...just never. This is why I do not love the Facebook--way too much sharing...however, the photos are alright. My new FB strategy--just looking at the pictures...BYW, Kyle Clark, your girlfriend is very cute. I'm sure she is very nice, too. NIce going, Give Ron Johnson my best...

5. The Weather--...It's 62 degrees outside today--WTF? today is the last day that the pool is open and it's 62??!!.Even I can't get a tan in that kind of chilliness. I know this because I tried yesterday, and was the only dumbass at the pool. (And go figure, it was 162 degrees on Saturday. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust at our tailgate.)

4. The Lifeguards-- Because I was the only fool at the pool, the lifeguards were super pissed and let their pissiness be known.  Until I showed up, they were allowed to stay inside and though I told them I wasn't going anywhere near the water, (and thus, the likelihood of me drowning was pretty slim), I guess they still have to sit in their chairs if anyone is on the pool deck.. So there they were, wearing sweats, sweat shirts and polar fleece, in their lifeguard chairs, giving me the stink eye. (Posey very smartly high tailed it inside as soon as we got to the club). I braved the cold as long as I could, praying the sun would come back. I  almost asked one of the lifeguards if I could borrow her sweatshirt, until I remember that they all hated me... tough to get a tan under several pool towels ...hope they hire a whole new crew for next summer, because if I get a cramp from swimming after eating, none of this year's guards are going in after me.

3. The Irish---I love Notre Dame with every fiber of my being, but good f'ing God, that football game was just awful--even worse than Posey's videos.   Really??? a fumble on the two yard line in the first possession? Five seriously dropped balls, and the one that hit the guy right in the side of his helmet??? Are you kidding me?  Plus a missed field goal?? A million penalties AND a deluge?? Two rain delays?  Shiiittt. My kids could have dropped all those passes and they are not on scholarship.

2.  Class-..It's just wrong to have to go to school on Labor Day Weekend. I even had class last night on Labor Day Eve.  What 's up with that?? I can see making the children on campus go to school today because they need to be toughened up some and suffer a few indignities, but us grownups? Enough already. I am plenty tough...I just need a break...

1.  Summer is over--The biggest thing messing up my Labor Day weekend is, that once the sun sets today, summer is totally over. Though the calendar says that summer officially ends Sept. 21st, we all know that today is it.  So long, summer.  Hurry Back.
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Now, because I hate ending on a bad/sad note, I am adding another list:

The 10 things Making my Labor Day Weekend:

10. La Fogata--Mexican Restaraunt in Kenosha that has become our new auxiliary kitchen. Dave took the kids last night while I was "in class" and I took them there for lunch while Dave played golf...es muy bueno--and I am muy lazy...

9. Lake Michigan--it may be chilly, but the Lake has been beautiful all weekend. It's something.

8. Technology success---I hate to jinx myself, but I made through one entire class without screwing up any part of the techno piece. Moreover, I had a skype group meeting AND an on line chat as well. I am Al "the internet" Gore. 

7. Jimmy Johns--they always come through and their sandwich platters were the perfect choice for our tailgate---It was so goddamn hot that any other sort of food would have been too much. And their chips are the best...

6. Sleeping In--just can't beat having a day off to sleep past 5:15 and today was that day.

5. ND undergrads--we had scores of kids coming to the tailgate this weekend and I must admit, they are, in the words of Johnny Jaraczewski  "all good kids, all good kids". It was great to meet Jack's buddies and it is always a pleasure to see the Gentlemen from St.Eds. A special shout out to Molly Madden and Kim Westphal--even melting under that tent, you both still made me laugh.  Molly, where's my photo?

4. Long Island Iced Teas--the official drink of the McKeon tailgates. We finished off 5 gallons well before game time.  While I would like to blame the heat for the mass consumption of this beverage, I think it was just a function of the crowd. Lesson learned- 10 gallons for Michigan State...

3. Annie's Apartment--Annie has a terrific place very close to campus. It is WAY too nice for an undergrad--(don't even ask)--but it came in very handy during the rain delays. I have a feeling this fair weather fan may be utilizing it more than once.

2. Becky and Jerry Miller--our great friends from Mansfield were at the ND game and came to our tailgate. It was so nice to see them and they are the world's best sports.  Even in the Africa heat they never lost their good humor and in honor of Labor Day, I would like to quote Jerry who for some reason  kept reminding me all day "The United States is the best damn country in the world" . He is right. It is. Jerry, I hope your parents were ok...(Becky and Jerry left them in the stadium for like four hours while they attended our tailgate...elderly abuse or just smart thinking???)

1. IT'S JESSICA SCHREINER'S BIRTHDAY!! Word on the street is that Jessica is a true fan of the blog and because I will pull out all the stops for any and all fans, I am giving her this special birthday shout out. Jessica is once again turning twenty nine,  she lives in Eau Claire (wherever the hell that is) and has actually kissed Billy Idol on stage--(Jessica, where was the picture of that when I was begging people to send in their famous photos???) I need to hear the details on that special kiss...Was it the cool young Billy Idol or the middle aged Billy Idol--it does kind of make a difference. Also, our Jessica HATES the Facebook, so you know she's totally cool. Have a very great birthday, Jessica, and keep reading the blog... (is this a full service blog or what??) And remember, your awesome friends Rob and Jean love you very much. 

To all, enjoy these last few hours of summer....I 've got to get to class....shiiiiitttt...

FACEBOOK? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

Ok, I am now officially on the Facebook. Big f'ing deal. Honestly, I don't see what all of the fuss is about... and I also have to admit, I just don't get it. Mostly, because I don't even understand how it works, (how do I comment? Who the hell is getting my comments? and why am I getting random information about friends of friends who I do not know??? ) I guess it's sort of cool to look at other people's pictures...kind of... but  after a few minutes, unless they've gotten super fat from high school or have had very noticeable cosmetic surgery....pffft. Who cares??  I am sticking with the blog, the preferred technological format for the literate, the contemplative and the old school.

I know, I have been ignoring the blog, for a while and for that I apologize. Once I finished my whirlwind session of summer school, and it was indeed a whirlwind, I spent some much needed respite time at my sister Wendy's beautiful house at Torch Lake. (It is a total show place. I mean it. I would post some photos of it, but it would just make you cry with jealousy.--wait, that was me....) Then I had to get those three annoying, extremely expensive older kids off to school, (this involved a U-Haul truck, about 10 trips to Target, thousands of dollars worth of  quality furniture like foutons and dressers you put together with an allen wrench and a whole lot of f bombs from Dave McKeon),  then the three younger kids started school (actually, this was a piece of cake--Nate and Pete keep telling me they don't need any school supplies and I'm taking them at their word, because I refuse to make one more trip to Target--now that I only have three kids at home (!! it's kind of creepy) I'm only shopping at the Walgreens on the corner of Sheridan and 75th Street...there is plenty of inventory there and it's right on my route--) and then I started school again myself.
Yes, I am back in school. And if you thought I sucked at regular school, well I suck WAY more at e-school.

It is no secret that other than email and shopping on line, my technological skills are pretty limited. So, you can only imagine just how badly I have bitched up this whole electronic school thing. I have had five classes thus far, and I've yet to smoothly attend any one of them. In my defense, I have never taken a class on line, and when people kept talking about on line classes, I assumed that it was like skyping or something, where the teacher talked, you could see his face and maybe even see the other people in your class somehow...but it doesn't work that way. Basically, it's like a conference call with power point slides and in one class, there's not even the conference call...you just type stuff to the teacher. Seriously??? All this super awesome technology that every one keeps throwing up in my face and mocking me for not knowing how to use and I am "listening and typing"? I feel like I'm back in my high school's "language lab" where we wore those head phones and listened to bad Spanish tapes ("Pablo es in el banyo"..."repete me, por favor")...

I am taking three classes this semester:  a Leadership class, a Law class and another Accounting class (which I have absolutely no business taking--I let my summer baby accounting grade go to my head and now I am paying the price) and it is probably two classes too many, but I've got to finish this school thing and move on with my life. (yeah, you heard that right, Dave McKeon....I'm actually going to finish this program and get a job....maybe....) For our first Leadership class, I couldn't figure out the audio part (I know, I know...it was just dialing a phone--but it took me a while to figure that out, because I WAS EXPECTING SOME WAY MORE ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY once I logged into the website part.) so I spent the first twenty minutes staring at these moving slides --until I figured out that you had to DIAL in...(shiiiittt).  For our first Accounting class, I couldn't figure out how to put my cell phone on speaker, so I had to basically hold the gd phone up to my ear the whole time, while I tried to take notes (hey, Dave and Nate couldn't figure it out either, and I was trying to be polite and not tie up the land line...), For our first Law Class, when I finally glanced at the syllabus, I realized that I had purchased THE TOTALLY WRONG BOOK before I left campus ( the dude in the bookstore with the wandering eye--it really does drift a little--wouldn't let me back in the stacks to get my own book, he had to help.. He made me tell him the book and the class and he handed me a book, I just assumed it was the right one. It had the word law in the title and it looked expensive. I just took it, threw on my book shelf, and never cracked it open until the day before our home work was due...ok, this has nothing to do with technology, but I know that if I were in real school, with real classmates, someone would have told me that I had the wrong book way sooner...).

For our second Leadership Class, we had to take this strengths assessment thing on line with a code from the book....yeah, that's right, even though my goddamn book was goddamn new, from goddamn Amazon, the goddamn code didn't work. And once again, because I did not start my goddamn homework until the day before it was goddamn due, I couldn't get the goddamn help desk to answer my goddamn question and score my goddamn strengths assessment to show what a goddamn leader I am.  (leading myself right into the eternal  flames of hell) And finally tonight, for my second Accounting Class, I was up in Dave's office, --(because I still can't figure out how to put my cell phone on speaker and my ear is starting to blister from all of this "on-line"/ "on-phone" learning--screw being polite--I am so tying up the land line) using his fancy phone with the great speaker system,  I thought I had said fancy phone on Mute, but I guess I did not  (yet another technical glitch), because when Dave walked in to his office to hook up his work computer, started staring over my shoulder at some accounting problem that we were going over and I yelled at him to "GET OUT" , and he snapped back that he was "JUST TRYING TO LOG INTO HIS WORK COMPUTER" the teacher, after kind of an awkward pause, said: "And please remember to keep your phones on mute..." . Shhiiittt again. Yep, I've got this whole internet school thing on lock down....While the rest of my technologically savvy classmates are shopping at J.Crew on line, chatting up their Facebook friends and logging miles on their ellipses, during class, I'm holding a goddamn phone to my ear.  I have a sinking feeling that this semester is not going to end well...Any technical advice would be greatly appreciated, so that I, too, can shop online during class or at least fold a load of laundry...

Well, that about catches you all up with my happy life. Don't bother getting on  the facebook (I like to call it "the" facebook, because it makes me sound even more like an old lady, and for some reason that cracks me up...) because according to my kids, the cool people hardly ever post on it,,,so I got that going for me..(they are just telling me that so I don't creep on their Facebook pages...).I promise to be more attentive to the blog, now that I realize what a special gem it is....

Tonight's Top Ten:
1. Jack McKeon--called a few days ago to thank us for letting him go to Notre Dame. He loves it and says it's even better than he expected. Hey, Annie and Chris, we are still waiting for your calls...
2. the Mute button
3. Beach Parties
4. Beyonce's baby--I know it's not born yet, but admit it, that kid's going to kick the shit out of Will Smith and Jada Pinckett's kids, not to mention Suri Cruise and all the Jolie/Pitt brood (except for Zahara--she looks like a bad ass--I love her)
5, Don't Let's Go to the Dog's Tonight, by Alexandra Fuller. It's a really great read about a family living in Africa. She has a new book out now too. Best line: when her mom is diagnosed as manic/depressive, the mom says: "Oh, we were all crazy then, but I'm the only one with a certificate to prove it"...
6. Bite sized Milky Ways--ate an entire bag today....thanks, Wanda
7. Ross Szlag--super nice guy from my class who pretended that no one could hear Dave and I yelling at each other during Accounting Class tonight.
8. My new sheets from Neiman Marcus--they are so beautiful (white with white monogramming) that when I opened the box, I involuntarily gasped with joy (this is a true story and they are that beautiful)
9 The J. Crew kids Minnetonka ankle moccasins with the beads--super hip, great price, soon to be in Posey's closet
10. Notre Dame Football, Baby. This is our year. Get ready.

SHORTEST POST EVER

Hey, hey, here is a very, very quick post. I have only three more days of school (thank f'ing God) and would apologize for ignoring the blog, but I'm working my fool ass off. Seriously. I have a paper due tomorrow and a Marketing exam. So, what the hell am I doing posting on this blog??? Beats me....

No, actually I have a few stories to share and I am going to quickly share them (Quick aside: I am tempted to try that five hour energy that all the kids are imbibing these days, but I am afraid it will make me even more jittery and I've got enough damn issues...I'm not kidding)

Many exciting things have happened during my tenure on campus. Here they are in order of appearance:

1. I had food poisoning one of my first days on campus and spent the night puking in my dorm sink....sweet, brought back a few special college memories. The good news is, I lost a few pounds. The bad news, I quickly put them back on...)
2. Nate sprained his ankle playing basketball on some kid's driveway.  Several days later his father took him for an x-ray--no break.
3. During the great Kenosha wind storm, a tree fell on the corner of our house. Get the following text from Jack: "A tree fell on the house. Dad is not home. We can't get the car out of the garage. What should we do? "
4.  Dave and the kids did not have power for three days. In the mean time, I am attempting to master power point for a huge presentation due on Saturday. No power means no power point assistance from the youngsters at home. I was totally counting on Nate and Pete to do all the heavy lifting for me on this one. Nate heads out to Strawberry Creek to get internet access to send me some premade power point slides....this does not go well. Pull an almost all nighter. Learn power point--get an A- on the presentation...I am way too old for this sort of shit.
5. Receive the following text: "WE still don't have power. We are sleeping in the basement, but we are all very stinky"  Again, not the sort of text I was hoping to receive.
6. Dave brings the kids up to visit on July 3rd to celebrate Pete's birthday. I feel like it is visitation day at the County Jail. Dave's hopes for a conjugal visit are dashed when he sees my accommodations. (also, having all the kids hanging around didn't help...)
7. Have classes on the fourth of July.  Is this even legal? Begin my Accounting Class. For someone who doesn't balance her own check book, this could be a challenge.
8. Attend the Chiappetta wedding on July 9th.. What a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful reception. Despite several hours of reminders, Dave forgets to pack my dress and shoes for the wedding. He calls from the Edens and says that he is stuck in major Chicago traffic and if he has to turn around to get my dress, he is not coming back.... Jack (aka Johnny on the Spot) FedExes them overnight to the Morris Inn. Crisis averted--I had an AWESOME dress for the wedding AND some pretty sweet shoes. It was great to see Dave and the three younger kids. Hit the half way mark of school and heading down hill. Sue and Chip Chiappetta know how to throw a party.
9. After seven long island Iced teas at the wedding, Dave backs into a post in the parking garage with his brand new Audi--oops. that hurts...(lesson here. Six Long Islands are enough...)
10. Ace my first two accounting quizzes. Start to get a little cocky...bad strategy.
11. Bond with my 27 year old cohorts with a rousing game of "Catch Phrase".  My contribution to Game Night? A big ass bottle of Grey Goose. (and some cranberry juice to prevent UTIs--it's medicinal, look it up) Sure, all those Gen X Yers can kick my ass in making power point slides, but I can afford top shelf alcohol.... Advantage--me.....During the whole catch phrase thing, my true competitive nature comes out and I actually call someone a moron when she fails to guess "Easter Egg Hunt"..I'm blaming the goose. 
12. Chris and Jack inform me that they are hosting something called the "Catalina Wine Mixer". I so do NOT want to know what the hell this is all about. I tell them to talk to their father...and if they get arrested, call a good attorney.
13. Take my accounting final---Fear that I have seriously overestimated my skills in this arena as it took me every minute of the FOUR hour finals period to finish the exam.....shiiiiittttt.
14. Dave McKeon leaves for Germany. My children are home unattended--Chris and Jack reassure me that "it's all chill". Why does this scare me even more than the tree falling on the house?
15. Receive a text from Pete today while I was in my Board Relations class. It read as follows: " the downstairs nonguest toilet is clogged because Jeff " (Please note that I have no son named Jeff) "accidentally flushed his phone down the toilet. It still worked, just a little slow, so I didn't think it would be a big deal so I decided to wait it out and see if it got better or worse. then it got clogged yesterday and we can't unclog it. (shocker there) So I was wondering if we should wait for you or dad to get home before we call a plumber. If you want us to call a plumber now, who should we call? thanks..and can't wait to see you" (this of course, is added for effect, so that I don't kill him). WTF? How can anyone, even Pete, ignore a cell phone that has been flushed down the toilet? When I ask Pete why no responsible adult heard about this mishap, he admittend that his friend Jeff (who spent the night at our house like a WEEK ago) was afraid to say anything in front of Dave. ....Ok, I totally get it, and sadly admire Pete's decision making on this one...Dave McKeon would totally have made Pete, or possibly his friend Jeff, retrieve that cell phone from the plumbing head first. ...And we wonder why kids don't want to spend the night at our house....
16. Got my Accounting final back....I got an A and shocked the hell out of myself. Please do not spread this happy news to Dave McKeon, because he will now realize that I am wholly capable of balancing my check book, but just choose not to because it's easier to pull money out of his account when I use up all the money in my own...take that, Accounting...

That's the latest update. And it took way longer than I had planned, so I must return to the books. I have only a few more days at school and I promise I will give a full report then.  I can't wait to go home and sleep in a real bed and take a shower without having to carry a Johhny bucket down the hall. Please say a quick prayer that these last few days are accident and alcohol free for everyone.
Top Tens will resume, once I finish my homework.  Signing off for now...and it wouldn't kill you to give me a few inspirational comments, would it???